Did he really love me?

[Ladyredd515]

I posted this in the heart break forum, but was also wondering if maybe a male point of view might help...

I was dating a man for a little over a month and he claimed to be in love with me and asked me to marry him. I did some soul searching and realized that I loved him and even though it was very quick, I accepted his proposal. We are both in our 40's, been married before and figure at our age we know what we want. He had me pick out a ring, and start thinking about wedding dates and places, he started making plans for me and my children to move in with him, even making additions to his house for it all. About 2 weeks after this began, he text me one day to say that he had been offered a job he had been trying to get for 2 years with the corporate office of his company in Houston (we live in the New Orleans area). I thought "great! He got a promotion and I'll have no problems finding a job in Houston". But then he text "so it's impossible for us to get married now. Sorry, it's over" He wouldn't even come see me in person and when I kept asking why this was the death for our relationship, why he didn't think we could move there together, he got upset and then nasty with me. Then he cut me off completely and I haven't heard a word from him in over a month. I'm letting my broken heart heal, it's to the point now that I'm more disappointed that I was fool enough to open my heart to this man, not really over him - his actions showed me his true colors as a man. But I can't help but wonder if he truly was in love with me, or if I was just something to fill a void in his life and then this great job came along which was a better "filler" for him? Keep in mind, we are talking about a 45 year old man here, not a 20 year old who hasn't been through the wringer of life yet. He is also leaving his two sons here with their mother while he moves for this job and didn't seem too concerned about not seeing them on a regular basis either, which shocked me (again, those true colors came out that day). Any insight would be helpful. Thanks.

[ianoulla]

Hello, well I thought my experience was cruel enough, I thought it was a short sharp shock, but yours sounds awful in a different way. How brave you were to jump straight in and go with the flow, I held back with mine, the result was the same though. I would say, let time pass, then I am sure as every day passes, you will consider you had a lucky escape, he has short attention span, thinks only of himself what works for him, which would not have augured well for your future. Imagine, you had gone through it all, moved in with him and then something came along to divert his attention from you. The mind boggles.

A friend of mine after 33 years of being a devoted wife, she was good looking, well qualified, gave up everything for her husband and his career, brought up 3 children, he dumped her just as they were about to realise their life's ambitions, live abroad, see all their children graduate from University..... within a couple of years she met a man, very similar to her husband, she fell madly in love with him, he promised her, all the things your ex did, they were similar ages. There were warning signs from this man, which I and her other friends flagged up, eg, why did he completely ignore his own teenage son, why did he walk away, she ignored it. Then one day after some months of him being difficult, he said to her, look..... I'm not sure I can be sure of a future with you, my friend asked why. He said, awkwardly ( ha ha), well somebody younger and better looking may come along!!!!!!! at this point my friend nearly punched him in the nose.

Like you I'm trying to work out why people behave this way, how could we miss the signs, but when we are in love, we are blind and we bestow attributes on our loved ones which they do not possess, eg you thought your ex thought like you maybe and was sensitive like you, the awful truth is, I have to say I'm beginning to sound a real man hater, a lot of men, just don't think and feel, except with what's in their trousers.....

I would say you have just reclaimed the rest of your life, I feel relieved for you. Good luck I wish you well....