I can't let go of my ex, i'm dying inside.

[lifesabitch]

My ex of 2 years put me through hell and back while we were together. Cheated on me, lied to me, gave me the run around, everything. Eventually about 7 months ago I broke up with her. I told her I could do better and that I wasn't gonna buy into her games anymore. She acted heartbroken but was quickly in the arms of her ex bf again. He cheated on her shortly thereafter with another girl and then she came running back to me (6 months ago). At first I told her i'm way too good for that and that she can't come crawling back now. But we stayed in contact, she was saying all the right things, saying how she changed. In the meantime I met someone else in June. Things were really good with this new girl and we went on a few dates, all of which went well. Before I knew it we were a couple. Things were so great between the two of us. Then my ex started going hard at trying to get me back. When I totally ignored her (didn't call, didn't respond to her calls or texts, deleted her from fb, etc.) I was doing ok. I did think about her from time to time but my gf was a good distraction. Then my ex sent me some pictures of us that we took together (which I had deleted), told me about some things I had written for her and basically tried to fill my head with old memories. And talking about how we were meant to be together and how she knows we still love each other. The horrible part is that all of those things are having a major impact on me. I'm with a wonderful girl who is beautiful, kind, smart, trustworthy and everything i could look for in a girl but my heart still longs for my ex. who is bad for me. Will that feeling ever go away? What should I do? I feel horrible.

[ginastar]

i say continue ignoring her. your lucky to have someone better now

[Teddy057]

I understand how hard it is to let go of the past, trust me. But, your ex put you "through hell and back". That really shouldn't be taken lightly, and you really shouldn't ever take her back. Judge people by their actions, not words. The past repeats itself, and I'm sure she would put you through all the same bullshit again. Don't let the feelings of your past resurface, they will just lead you to making bad decisions. Please be rational about this, you're with a wonderful, trustworthy, and beautiful woman right now... Why jeopardize that?

[lifesabitch]

I guess what I also didn't mention is that the last girl was my first love. Which is making it even harder.

[Teddy057]

Yeah, first loves are especially hard to let go. I would still give this new girl a chance though, man. Sounds like things got pretty messy with your ex, and she's your ex for a reason. She may be saying you two belong together, but you're just her worst case scenario. Her new bf dumped her sorry ass, and now she's running back to you. The whole thing sounds kind of pathetic. I really don't see a solid relationship being reignited on such shaky grounds.

However, do whatever makes you happy. Just try and give this new girl a fair chance, sounds like you're comparing her to memories of your first love, which of course she will seem a lesser of the two.

[doppelgaenger]

Oh brother. Big deal it was your first girlfriend. Your feelings for her will disappear when you decide they should. If you stop caring, if you stop emphasizing how great she was and how much you miss her, then you'll move on. Stop victimizing yourself. Accept that she's a cunt and forget about her. You already have another gf who sounds pretty awesome and you're still whining like a big baby.

[lifesabitch]

Oh brother. Big deal it was your first girlfriend. Your feelings for her will disappear when you decide they should. If you stop caring, if you stop emphasizing how great she was and how much you miss her, then you'll move on. Stop victimizing yourself. Accept that she's a cunt and forget about her. You already have another gf who sounds pretty awesome and you're still whining like a big baby.

My first love, not my first girlfriend. I'm 23 years old and at this point i've had several.

[lifesabitch]

Yeah, first loves are especially hard to let go. I would still give this new girl a chance though, man. Sounds like things got pretty messy with your ex, and she's your ex for a reason. She may be saying you two belong together, but you're just her worst case scenario. Her new bf dumped her sorry ass, and now she's running back to you. The whole thing sounds kind of pathetic. I really don't see a solid relationship being reignited on such shaky grounds.

However, do whatever makes you happy. Just try and give this new girl a fair chance, sounds like you're comparing her to memories of your first love, which of course she will seem a lesser of the two.

Yeah, I think that's my main problem. Everything I do with her I subconsciously compare it to that of my ex. I don't want to do that and i'm hoping that it will just go away over time. I'm just wondering if those feelings will fade naturally or if I consciously have to do something to get rid of them.

[JasonG]

You're not alone, man.

My previous relationship (it was also my first love) ended pretty badly with her cheating, lying, giving me the run around for 7 1/2 months by just dating me and not making us official (we were official for around 3 months afterwards), insulting me right and left... it was almost as if she pretty much didn't want to be with me and I know she kept the door open for new men to enter her life and as soon as she found someone else who was better she ran off and moved in a house with him and his kids. She wanted to be friends after all this but with such sudden events all at once it'd take a deathly amount of effort to actually even try. I couldn't bear the pain of what was going on to begin with much less the further amount of torture she would have likely put me through if I would have went along with such a ridiculous deal. So I just couldn't do it. I remained single for nearly six months and it was some of the toughest days I've ever been through in life.

Which brings me to what is going on in my life right now. I was friends with this girl already. We work together and I even already knew of her feelings for me awhile back as she gave alot of signals but emotionally I was not ready to start a new relationship. I wanted to give myself time. Anyway, she ended up telling me how she felt about me and kinda put me on the spot to decide whether we could go on a date. I had mixed emotions at first... I kept telling myself, am I ready? Was there an attraction on my end? I know what it's like having regrets and I told myself that I don't want to let a second chance at something just slip away so easily. So, I decided to go on a date with her and see if I would start to develop any feelings. Of course being in the romance scene again it felt alittle weird but at the same time good feeling wanted again. It did make me think of my ex and some memories came back in my head pretty strong. I started to get confused... I started to think am I dating her for the sake of just being with someone (rebound) but told myself this must be normal for most people and that it has to be a phase you go through and in time it will go away. Maybe you are thinking of all the great qualities your ex had that this one doesn't have? I think that's my problem right now... I'm comparing. I know I shouldn't be but I can't help it. Now think of the great qualities with the one you're with right now that your ex didn't have. Now think of these great qualities of this one you're with and how you must accept this change and open yourself to wanting change. If you don't see this as a new oppurtunity even when it's right in front of your face then you'll likely let it slip right by you. Don't let this happen. Don't let this be a regret for you down the road.

[ginastar]

so are you happy now w your new girl?

[JasonG]

If you're asking me that question...

I can't think of anything not to be happy about when it comes to her. She treats me great, shows a genuine interest in me and my life, and I enjoy talking with her. I like that I can just be myself and not put a mask on to make myself look good. I also don't feel edgy around her, unlike the other, where I'd be concerned about saying or doing the wrong thing where the other would snap like a dog by surprise. I guess naturally I have all kinds of cautious walls around me as my last relationship ended terribly and I think I'm protecting myself alittle too much from feeling all that pain all over again. I keep telling myself to give this girl the benefit of the doubt and see where it goes by letting go of my guard. I've yet to make us an official couple and I have been thinking actually going through with it and see where it takes us. I really want us to work.

[ecenur]

they were not worth it, trust me.

[Agape]

So . . you can't let go of your ex . . .even though she "put [you] through hell and back while we were together."

Think about it, that is your subject line . . that is your main feelings of this girl, focus on that and why you have such a negative opinion on her . . . btw, "Cheated on me, lied to me, gave me the run around" is reasons enough to let go, first 'loves' be damned - you loved her, she didn't love you.

[MarkAPS]

What is it that attracts you to your ex so much anyway?

[mandy77]

she is only making you feel this way becuase you are letting her. it's up to you and only you, to stop letting her f#$% with your head....