Hi everyone, i really need some strong advice on my relationship please, long story short... i'll start at the beginning
I have known this man 23 years years he was my first love i was his because we were so young 16 at the time we separated and went down different paths, had different partners i had children he got married had children we live in the same town so we always knew through friends what was happening with each other, when i was 22 we got in contact he was going through a divorce i had split from my partner, so we talked like we had never been apart and both admitted that we had never stopped loving each other even though we had both taken different paths, we didnt get together because it was the wrong time both has messy relationships to deal with but we kept in contact.
we would meet for drinks email each other every day, and there was always such a strong bond between us....
anyway four years ago we got together everything was perfect i was so happy as he was, but as months ticked by my ex turned up threatening my relationship with him so to protect him i finished it i know what i did was wrong but i didnt know what to do as my ex was known for being violent, so i did what i thought was the best thing...
I stopped all contact and it broke my heart ii have never cried so much but i remained strong think what i was doing was right but knowing it wasnt a few months later i contacted him telling him i had made a terrible mistake telling him i still loved him !! he was silent and then dropped a bomb shell that i had destroyed him at the time and because months had passed he had moved on and was now in another relationship.. i was devastated but i deserved the hurt i was feeling because i knew what i did was the wrong thing...
It took some time but eventually we started becoming friends and talking i respected that he had moved on and thought even having him in my life as a friend was better than not having him atall, but i was hurting.
3 years he was with her but i remained a friend he told me that he would always love me but because i had hurt him he had to give this relationship ago with her which i understood..... after we became closer and closer and and only when there relationship became rocky me and him met up , and everything overflowed are feelings and we talked till early hours, a few weeks later they finished... and we met up as friends a few times and now we are back together.
we have been with each other 9 months we have been away i stay at his every weekend and at first i would get text saying i love you miss and i do still get them but not as often, it feels like i am sending them first now and he will replie miss you too love you too, we went out the other night and both got very drunk and i asked him why he blowed hot and cold on me and he broke down in tears saying that i destroyed him when i finished it those few years ago and he didnt trust anyone a and that he loved me so much when we was together last time and still does..but he was so upset and obviously i was upset to and told him that i made a mistake and i would never ever leave him again because i loved him with all my heart...
but what i can and cant understand is why was he so upset and why is he backing off is it because he feels he is getting to close and thinks that i will up and leave again ?? what can i do to reassure him i am never going anywhere again i made a mistake and i cant lose my soul mate again i am soo confused and really need some advice on this plz xx