Living with the truth

[maroon87]

Me and my girlfriend have been together for 10 months now, happily, but not without obstacles. There were misunderstandings mostly because of me, of which ill explain later. We are both very loyal and committed, and share the comfort in being deeply involved in each others lives, parents know about us and accept us, she being the family kinda girl etc... But now i thought was the right time to tell her the last hidden secret of my terrible past, since she being a simple girl didnt have skeletons in the closet and shared everything with me. So what i did 4 years ago, was spend a night with a Ho. Me being a nice guy always, went through a terrible time back then when i had no one to count on and guide me. All the depression led me to do such a thing. And after that, i became so insecure in life, knowing i did something i would never had thought of, and changed myself so much that i forgot the person i was back then. So she knew now, and i thought it was bad i didnt tell her from the start, but i couldnt right? She had never dated anyone before, but when she found me, she had found what she was looking for in a guy. I didnt wanna screw things up n tell her so early, so laid everything else on the table(my past, ive dated before, wasnt a virgin, depressed of my health problems etc) except me spending the night with a stranger. She understood and accepted me ever since. Shes always loved and guided me through cuz she trusted me and i loved her and trusted cuz i found the comfort i needed to move on from the past. But a month ago, my health and my school life has been crappy so ive been angry with life and kept bringing up the past so she wanted to know so badly what was the last thing i hid from everyone. So now she knows and obviously she was disgusted and wanted to know why i did such a thing. I told her everything and a few days later she spent a good one hour convincing me how this release was what i needed and she loved me so much that all she wanted was for me to let go of all the dirty secrets in my head now(not many years down the road when its too late), so she could live in peace too. But the problem is:

1. I'm afraid she will lose her trust for me
2. She's never gonna forget what i did
3. I feel devastated that she has to live with my mistakes

Please help me

[hello1]

She doesn't care. Some girls may be hung up on this side of your past but your girlfriend isn't, so please just let it go and move on. If she doesn't care, why should you worry?

[MerryH]

1. I'm afraid she will lose her trust for me

She shouldn't lose trust over something you did way before she was in the picture. Doesn't sound like you even lied about anything, you just never brought it up. That's ok. You're allowed to have a past.

2. She's never gonna forget what i did

She won't forget completely, but she'll move past it. You're the one carrying around all that shame about it, not her.

3. I feel devastated that she has to live with my mistakes

I don't get this. She doesn't have to live with your mistakes. The only reason this is effecting you now is because you're letting it.

Meh. So you spent the night with a ho. Probably not your proudest moment, but it's really not a big deal in the grand scheme of things.

[Incognito]

Maroon, are you saying that there is more that you're afraid to tell her, or that you're still upset about the prostitute?

[IncognitoSir]

DUDE, get a grip! You told her already and she STILL accepts you. You are officially tripping man. A LOT of girls may look at you different after telling them something like that, but YOUR girl is sticking with you none the less. You should be thankful for such a woman in your life. Count your blessings and move on with your life and keep your gf close because she's clearly someone very special!

[maroon87]

Thanks for the replies guys....

No, ive basically revealed all of myself completely now and i'm only regret what i did and afraid i might suffer from it...but then ive read what u guys have been saying and its making sense. Im just dragging extra baggage rite?

[Poetic_Partner]

You're right, Maroon. She's over it, and you should be too. I don't mean to pretend it never happened, but to get on with your current life and current girl.

Your girl has completely accepted it and found it pretty low on the "skeletons in the closet" index. In fact, she seems more worried about your reaction to the act than the act itself.

Lets turn it around. She says "I shoplifted when I was in high school" or "as a child I accidentally killed a kitten" or some-such. So, you respond "Oh, that's alright sweety - I know you're a good person and it doesn't bother me." BUT then you see that she's beating herself up over it. You either get sad that she's still sad &/OR you get frustrated that she won't drop it.

Just love her for being a kind, forgiving person, and show respect for that by accepting her judgment on the issue.

Hope this helps,
-PP

[Agape]

Thanks for the replies guys....

No, ive basically revealed all of myself completely now and i'm only regret what i did and afraid i might suffer from it...but then ive read what u guys have been saying and its making sense. Im just dragging extra baggage rite?

No need to hurt yourself for telling the truth . . . and besides, think about it. . . did you know about her when you did such things, how could you know? You two should be able to work it out.

[girl68]

IF after this long you alone can't move past it perhaps you should talk to someone like a counsellor.

You're worried about things that you shouldn't if she's still with you, she accepts- it is YOU, not her that has these problems moving forward.

[Incognito]

Hey girl, I haven't seen you in a while. Have you been in other parts of the forum or have you simply not been online? In any case its good to see you (your avatar anyway : )