really need your help, dont know what to do

[sparkle_jello]

sparkle_jello I am 24 so yes i am young. i have very little confidence. I have been in other relationships.

I worry about upsetting him. i worry how he will cope. i know it sounds stupid but i cant help it.

Sounds like he will have other shoulders to cry on. Worry about yourself, have fun. Don't waste youth on this guy.

[sarah24]

i dont even know how to leave. we have a house together. he has 4 kids whom i love dearly. i love all his family. and i love him.

its not like he treats me that badly. its just the chatting to women online and websites, money and smoking lies.

[VincenzoG91]

Oh, he has four kids! That changes everything. You must do whatever he wants and give up on your own happiness. Sorry.

[sarah24]

maybe he's just a flirt.

[sarah24]

I dont know what to do. i just cant stand the idea of hurting him. i love him so so much

[Agape]

i really dont know what to do.

1) i just, i dont trust him.

a few months back i went onto his facebook account to chat to his nephew as him as a joke, and just had a sneaky peak at his emails on there, 2) he'd sent a message to a lady at the local bank saying "sexy sexy sexy.." another message went to a girl who fancied him when they used to work together saying " there's one thing i'd like to do with you..." this got me really upset so i looked at his proper emails to put my mind at rest, that this was all he had done. turns out he'd joined a dating website last november and this january, the month of my birthday.

3) I confronted him, we had a big row and i nearly left, but stayed.

thing is i just dont trust him at all now. he also had a password on his phone, which he took off. but has since changed his facebook password (but not his email password).

if he's late home i'm thinking where is he, who is he with. I want to trust him but i just cant.

4) he says stuff to me that hurts, lies to me, but i love him.

i dont know what to do. maybe the trust will come back, there is no evidence that he has cheated on me, and there are so many more reasons for me to want to go. but i just. i love him

1) You don't trust him
2) You kinda disrespected his privacy . . . but you found out he did disrespectful things behind your back
3) understandable . . .you have a right to be upset, then again, same with him
4) how does he lie to you? . . . other than keep secrets?

He sounds like a flirt, which is a bad sign . . . don't know about a cheater, but hey, you never know . . . you shouldn't be with a guy if there isn't mutual trust or respect

[Poetic_Partner]

Sarah,

If you had said "he lies about smoking", I would have said "quiting's hard, so try to support him and also try and break him of the lying."

If you had said "he lies about money", I would have said "don't have any financial dealings with him, but it's not a fatal flaw."

If you had said "he lies to me about girls", I would have said "you need to decide how important fidelity is to you".

BUT you're saying "he lies to me about everything." There's no room that in someone's life. Give him the boot.

-PP

[ammi00]

You don't wanna hurt him, but he hurts you and you hurt yourself too. Dump him and stop making excuses for him. You came here for opinions, and everybody told you to get rid of this guy and move on. I'm sorry if you wanted to hear some more excuses from us, about the way he acts, but this is not going to happen.

[Poetic_Partner]

If you're worried about hurting him, btw, don't. He'll have moved on in the time it takes to send a text message. Trust me - he's ALREADY got his back-up options lined up, and will have no qualms about calling on them the first chance he gets.

-PP

[sarah24]

i'm sorry for anoying you all.

thank you anyway though

[sparkle_jello]

Sarah,

If you had said "he lies about smoking", I would have said "quiting's hard, so try to support him and also try and break him of the lying."

If you had said "he lies about money", I would have said "don't have any financial dealings with him, but it's not a fatal flaw."

If you had said "he lies to me about girls", I would have said "you need to decide how important fidelity is to you".

BUT you're saying "he lies to me about everything." There's no room that in someone's life. Give him the boot.

-PP

Although I kind of like your post, I disagree. I don't lie to my husband about things, maybe the SMALLEST of white lies. My husband and I had a hiccup four years into our eight year marriage because he was spending money behind my back, and I couldn't afford to go to a funeral because of it. We fought for a good six months, it was hell. We finally came together and agreed, it was both our faults because I was so damn tight with money because I was scared of going back to being poor. It was a lie that almost killed us, so now we are brutally honest, and it can be brutal!

[Poetic_Partner]

Spark,

Oh - I agree with you about lying. Guess I was trying to say that there's a difference between lying about something (you can then deal with the thing) and doing so all the time to get whatever you want.

The fellow in question is in the latter camp. The only hope for him is to get burned a few times because of it, and even then he's likely to be that way for the rest of his life.

-PP

[chly28]

If the guy really loved you. He wouldn't be cheating at all. If he was into you fully he would only have eyes for you and only you. He would have not got time to hurt you. Anyways you are very young sarah and take it as a learning experience. There are plenty of better men out there who would be there to make you happy. Once you start trying to make the other person. The ignition or flame isn't there at all. You need to let all things go and find out who you really are? Are you happy at the moment? What makes you happy? Focus on yourself!!!Once you realise what makes you happy and become more confident with self...The right one will appear....Don't go down to your lowest self and give in to him.......Once there's no trust there's no relationship!!!!