This ended badly. Please help!

[JTC1]

I'm 19 years old. My girlfriend and I had been together for about 5 months junior year of high school before breaking up for the summer and then dating again that september. We had been together for almost a year...deciding to go to college together and everything. We always told each other how strongly we felt about each other, we both liked each other a lot. We did fight kind of often, almost always about things that didn't matter at all, but fighting is a lot better than keeping our problems or disagreements bottled up in my opinion.

We were walking together the other day (friday) and she told me she was invited by one of her roommate's friends to go to a club the following week. She said she didn't want me to go because I would want to constantly be near her and she wanted to dance with other people too. I have been this way in the past (high school dance type events), but I felt like I was past that and wouldn't be that way. She still didnt want to bring me. She went out to a party that friday without me too. I was bummed, but went out and did my own thing. I let her know that I wanted to go out with her still, though. We had only been on campus at college for about a month and she had gone out 3 times, only once with me. By the time she went to this club, she would have been out 5 times but only once with me.

I simply told her that I didnt think that was enough, and while I respected that she didn't want to spend every party with me, I still wanted to go to SOME of them with her. She told me that her opinions on this weren't changing, no matter what I said. I felt horrible, but ended up going out again that day (saturday) without her. She eventually told me that the night before (friday) was one of the best nights she's had since she moved down to college. I asked her why:

"If I told you, you'd be mad"
"What did you do?"
"I can't tell you"
"You can't say that and then not tell me"
"You really want to know?"

So then she told me. She was at a party and got drunk. She told me she got a bunch of guys numbers, she was hugging on and holding hands with one, and she ended up going back to some guys place with her roommate and a couple of other people. She shared a bed with a guy. He tried to get physical with her but she didnt let him. She ended up moving as far awaay from him as possible, still on the bed.

I told her I wasn't ok with that and I really needed to talk to her about it because I couldn't think straight and i wouldnt be able to sleep that night. She refused. after trying to convince her, i ended up just going back to my dorm. On my way, I saw that her room light was on.

I walked up, knocked, and walked in. Two guys were there sitting around with them (her roommate says they mean nothing)....all I did was ask for an explanation and her and her roommate freaked out....trying to get me to leave. eventually I did, and I talked to her roommate for awhile about everything, and told her I really need to talk to my girlfriend. She said she'd let her know.

The next day, I try to get her to talk to me again...it was easier this time, she said she'd meet me at a certain place. she just wanted to make sure I'd be calm. But then, we get to where she said to meet, and everything she says to me is in an elevated tone, she kept cursing, and overall not seeming calm at all, even though she told me to be calm.

She didn't talk for long before becoming fed up and leaving. She says now that she still has feelings for me, we can be friends but she just doesnt want to hang out around me at this point in time, if I'm really the person for her she will realize it but not anytime soon, and she also says that she's finished with me. She broke up with me because of the way I reacted to the situation. She said she felt threatened, like I was going to hurt her.

All I want is to get her back. What do I need to do? Keep in mind she said she's done forever, but also says she has feelings and everything.

[MerryH]

What do I need to do?

Leave her alone. Seriously. It is much more important that you leave her alone than in a normal break-up situation because she feels threatened by you. Don't contact her.

[JTC1]

she knows I won't hurt her though. I've made it clear several times. She says she feels threatened, but the feeling is false.

[MerryH]

It doesn't matter what you think about it, the fact is she said she feels threatened, so you really, really should leave her alone now. And she made it crystal clear that she doesn't want to see you and that she's finished. Why aren't you respecting her wishes?

So take a couple of days or weeks to cry about it and feel badly. Get it out of your system and then go get yourself some sweet new college tail. Just don't be as clingy and controlling with the next one.

[JTC1]

I see what you're saying....but her and I have been together for more than a year. We made the decision together to go to college together, and if anything she was more excited about it than I was. She means more to me than that, and if anything she ever said was true, I mean more to her than that too.

I'm trying as hard as I can to respect her wishes, we barely talk now, but we still do. It's never more than one or two text msgs a day..if that, or something similar.

[leoben]

She broke up with you because she wants to sleep with other guys and you're in the way. Feeling threatened is an easy excuse not to hang out anymore, and will keep you from barging in on two potential dates again.

Feelings can change quickly JTC, especially when you're young and experiencing new things all the time. Take merry's advice, drop contact with her and start the moving on process, this girl is done with you for now and there is nothing you can say or do that will change that.

[JTC1]

she regrets what she did though....all of it. She doesnt even want to be reminded of it anymore...that's not what its about.

[leoben]

She regrets what happened? So shes going to come back to you, stop going to parties and collecting guys numbers, stop getting into bed with other guys while shes in a relationship with you, and stop inviting guys to come over late at night to her apartment when you aren't around? That would be the only way her actions would match her words of regret, and at end of the day all you can really go by is the actions people take, not the words they say.

If all shes doing is sending you words of regret and telling you how much you meant to her over the one text message contact your allowed a day then no, she doesn't really regret what happened.

[JTC1]

UPDATE

So, First of all, to clarify...we are both in college. We live in residence halls. We actually live in the same residence hall.

Since I last posted, she had somewhat of a nervous breakdown. She kept telling me she hated herself, she realized she doesnt really have any true friends, she hates herself for hurting me like she did.

She said she considers me her best friend. Since then we hung out a lot, walked to classes, ate together etc....she even slept in my bed one night.

Then she decided she was around me too much and wanted nothing to do with me for a couple days but has since returned to normal. The last two nights we were at school she slept in my bed again...and both times we ended up messing around some.

I don't know what to think.

[Agape]

"So then she told me. She was at a party and got drunk. She told me she got a bunch of guys numbers, she was hugging on and holding hands with one, and she ended up going back to some guys place with her roommate and a couple of other people. She shared a bed with a guy. He tried to get physical with her but she didnt let him. She ended up moving as far awaay from him as possible, still on the bed."

Um, yeah . . . I don't know why a girlfriend would do this, seems like she just want to be with other guys . . .anyways, things aren't going well and so you should give her space and leave her alone

As of your most recent actions in the last post, they just seem contradictory and it's giving tons of mixed messages.

[Only-virgins]

She shared a bed with a guy. He tried to get physical with her but she didnt let him. She ended up moving as far awaay from him as possible, still on the bed.

Yea right. That is why it was one of the best nights she has had in a while? my ass she moved away. She sounds like she is starting her exploring, leave her alone and if she tries to come back in the future you should really stay away with this kind of disrespect now.

[damselindistres]

Your GF is obviously playing you!! She is not satisfy with her current relationship w/ u, so she wants to explore a little and look around a bit in case she can find that someone.....but she is worried what if at the end, she can't find that someone, so she needs to keep the line of communication with you, at least she still has a backup - you!!!