Will he call again? and should continue to be patient?

[nmb9990]

Background info. He plays football for a major school in North Carolina, I go to a major school in Philadelphia. We met over the internet and had not seen each other yet, but were in the process of making plans. He was very interested in me, and did a majority of the chasing. We talked every day, communication was great, video chat, text, calls, skype, instant messenger, etc. We are both juniors in college. He is a Cancer sign and I am a Virgo sign.

So this is the shorter version of the long story. I have been talking to this guy John since June, so it has been four months. We never did anything sexual, we were literally just talking, getting to know each other, etc (we were long distance, so it was impossible to have sex LOL). It had been going very well, except for one minor situation where he forgot to call me when he said he would. On sunday night, an anonymous twitter account tagged me and this girl named Sarah, in a tweet. This mention led us to find out that we were talking to the same guy.

Now, this guy had twitter, and back in July, 3 months ago, he tweeted me in response to a tweet of my own saying he wanted to be my boyfriend. I didn't take it seriously, but clearly, he had an interest in me. He never updated his twitter since then. So I was his top tweet for the last 3 months. So she must have had seen this within the last three months if she talks to him.

Basically, she has been talking to him for 10 months. She said they do everything that a typical couple does such as spending time together, having sex, and they tell each other "I Love You". BUT-- she says that the reason they are not together is because he says "he's not ready for a relationship and doesn't want to ruin their friendship." ----My opinion? She is just his jump off; and he clearly doesn't want to commit to her. I have a ton of guy friends and from what I know that's the oldest line in the book! If he really loved her and wanted to be with her, he would. Especially after almost a whole year.

She was very diplomatic about the whole thing, but in one of our messages she said "Well dont get me wrong but come on he plays football and your all the way in Philly did u really think that he was goin to be talkin to one girl? NO DISRESPECT AT ALL just askin a question?" Now, I had a feeling he had been talking to girls besides me, just as I had been chatting with a few other guys. But what I find funny is that she's saying that of course hes going to talk to someone closer since I'm all the way in Philly. Yet, she is in the same state as him, a 45 minute drive....so WHY is he talking to someone else? What does that say about her? I have been talking to John for 4 months, which means that we started talking while they were at 6 months. What does that tell her? She obviously wasn't fulfilling all his wants and needs in a female, so he went and looked for someone else. Another thing that I find interesting is that her facebook is set to "In a relationship" and his says "single". ... All her little friends are saying **** like I'm a side chick, and I'm a hoe, and "every dog is gone have his fleas". But EXCUSE ME, You aren't even a relationship with him in the first place! And Im not having sex with him so I'm definitely not a * * * * * . And he calls me everyday, so I'm not "on the side."

So after I discussed all of this with her, I talked to him on facebook chat, and I asked why he deleted the status about me from twitter. He did not answer me as he went idle so he probably wasn't at his computer. I put up a status on facebook that says "I don't F*ck with people who can't keep it 100, It's as simple as that." (Keeping it 100 is a phrase that means keeping it 100% honest and being real). The next morning, I was on facebook chat and he responded from the night before, saying "he had to delete it". I said "okay, whatever, bye."

Then, He blocked me on facebook! So I texted him, asking why, and he said that there was too many people coming at him with bull sh*t. I guess that her and her friends went psycho on him because I did not flip out on him! I've been keeping it very mature and very diplomatic. I said "so what are just never gonna speak again?" and he said "I'm gone speak, I'm just waiting until I find out cause it's some bull sh*t going on." I respected that. I didn't talk to him after that text, until about 9 last night, when I left him a voicemail. In the voicemail I said to him: "Listen, I want to let you know that I wasn't mad about the fact that you were talking to another girl, I was mad about the fact that you lied about it. I really wouldn't have been bothered by it because we were not in a relationship. I understand that you have a lot going on with school and football, so give me a call back when you're ready to talk." He did not call me back, so this morning I texted him saying "Good morning, I hope you have a better day today. Even though what you did was disrespectful I still want to try to at least work it out, cause I'm not the type to just throw someone away and I was starting to care about you." He wrote me back, saying "We will talk about that later." and i said "yea I understand." I am very prooud of myself for not chasing him, or acting hurt, or acting needy!

I want to know if I handled this situation well, and if you think he will come around if I continue to be patient. We have always flowed very well together

[Agape]

You: "We met over the internet and had not seen each other yet" + "it has been four months. We never did anything sexual, we were literally just talking, getting to know each other, etc"

vs

Sarah: "she has been talking to him for 10 months. She said they do everything that a typical couple does such as spending time together, having sex, and they tell each other "I Love You""

---> He deleted a twitter post, you posted a status on facebook, he blocks you, you leave a voice-mail, you text him

-

Anways I don't really get it, you claim to be "very mature and very diplomatic" but then you do childish things like Facebook stuff? Also "I am very prooud of myself for not chasing him, or acting hurt, or acting needy!" - well you aren't really chasing him, but you're kinda trying to figure out what's going on and that kinda looks like you're chasing him . . . .ultimately if things aren't working out and he doesn't want to talk to you, his e-friend, anymore then you'll just let it be.

Btw, this guy has a girl and is he e-flirting with you? have you been talking about sex? Considering this guy is doing this to multiple girls, he's probably not the best guy to get into a relationship with either.

[nmb9990]

You are right Agape, I may have misused my words. When I say mature, I mean mature in comparison to the other girl. She is flailing at him and yelling at him, cursing, calling him names, begging to get him back, harassing him, etc. While I simply told him when he wanted to talk he could call me.

I do realize I am trying to figure out whats going on, and to me chasing means to literally chase it, every day calling or texting him. I kept it to a one text, one voicemail contact.

I want to clarify that this is not his girlfriend. He seems to want the benefits of a relationship such as a steady sexual partner and a female around, but without facing the realities of a relationship such as committment, being there during tough times, emotional attachment, etc.

Fortunately for me I never allow myself to engage in sexual activity unless I am in a committed relationship with the person I am having sex with.

When I point out the fact that we met online and had been talking for four months, I meant to add that I asked him that we take it slow. I did not want to rush out and meet someone in person a month after meeting them on the internet.


Hope that provides some clarification.

[abdullah]

First
This is the first post
I am from Saudi Arabia



From my point of view you gave him a sense that you want him so bad there for he will manipulate with your feelings .

What would you expect from a young man playing Football

I'm sure that he has many relationships with girls and go out with them

I agree with what Agape said

he's probably not the best guy to get into a relationship with

[nmb9990]

I don't want to sound stupid, but how am I giving the impression that I want him that bad? Is it because of the text and the voicemail? We spoke every day for hours on end, and we developed a very close bond, which I did not want to deteriorate. I felt that it was okay to tell him my honest feelings. I feel as though I would look like I wanted him that bad if I continued to contact him after the voicemail or text, but please correct me if I'm wrong.

[Agape]

Q: "how am I giving the impression that I want him that bad?"

A: "We spoke every day for hours on end, and we developed a very close bond, which I did not want to deteriorate."

--> You are continuing on with him, perhaps it's not as 'bad' as it appears but there appears to be commitment in the communication? If you really didn't want him then you wouldn't really care if he talked to you or not.

[WICKED THOUGHTS]

Peeps should never give more then 50% of there heart in internet flings or relationships. imo Yup, u just never know my sencere peeps are. ya Nway, best of luck

[nmb9990]

I can see where you are coming from now Agape. Thank you for giving my advice in a constructive non-judgemental way. I think I will continue to forfeit my contact with him and if he does choose to contact me like he said he would I will go from there.

Thanks to everyone else who responded. Your advice was appreciated.