What's wrong in being someone plan B ?

[TomerT]

Hi,
I would like to open a discussion here and listen to different opinions.
Pretty common scenario - you and your girlfriend love each other, everything looks perfect.
One day (with no apparent reason) your girlfriend break up with you. Let's make it more interesting - may be even not in very nice way,
but not because she is a bad person and wants to hurt you on purpose, may be she just doesn't know how to do it differenly...
Anyway, after you she dates someone new (or old - doesn't matter for the sake of discussion)
they break up, and say after few weeks (or months) she is comming back to you ans asking for a second chance,
telling that only now she understand what she might lose.

Now, reading many threads most of reactions would be "you don't want to be her plan B",
"you will become her doormat", "she dumped you, do't you have self respect"....things like this

Now, ussually before you start date someone she already had some history,
we (guys) know that and nevertheless agree to be her plan C, D, E, etc... (depends on the history)
If you think about it - we almost always someone plan C, D, E, etc...
and our partners (and even future spouse) most likely also our plans C, D, E...

So, what's wrong if she realized her mistake and come back ?
Why our "self-respect" does not allow us to be someone plan B (if at the beginning we could be her plan E) ?
I hope I make myself clear...

[Gribble]

I've met girls who I thought were amazing on date one and I've met girls I thought were mediocre. And after a couple more dates, the amazing chick revealed herself to be a complete cunt while the mediocre one blossomed into something amazing. I'd hardly call the second chick plan B.

Plan B is when I string that one chick along while still seeing the first because I want to make sure I've got a supply of pussy on hand should the first chick snub me.

[baker843]

Maybe she did realize her mistake. It is your choice to decide to give her another chance but I can tell you from experience that things won't be the same for a long time, if ever.

It sounds to me like she was interested in this guy before she broke up with you and was staying with you until she knew for sure she could get this guy. Some women are just terrified of being alone and will constantly pull the plan b or 'lifeboat' thing.

[VincenzoG91]

Why waste your time on somebody who doesn't consider you the first choice? And for all you know, you might not even be Plan B. You might be third or fourth on the list. Also, you could waste years waiting, and you will never get that time back. Instead, you could be out looking for the right woman, the one who is interested in you and only you.

[VincenzoG91]

And let's not be vague here, TomerT. You're still obsessing over your ex. The one who was having unprotected sex with an ex-boyfriend while on vacation. The one who may or may not have even broken up with you before she started having sex with that guy again. The one who is now pregnant by that guy. She didn't love you or even respect you when all that happened. Even if she feels guilty now, she is still a selfish person who will treat you like dirt. Forget her. Seriously. There are so many other women around, ones that you could actually trust to not cheat on you. Find one of those women and forget your ex.

[Only-virgins]

I don't take seconds and I am no-ones second.

[Agape]

"Now, reading many threads most of reactions would be "you don't want to be her plan B",
"you will become her doormat", "she dumped you, do't you have self respect"....things like this"

Dude, now you're just wasting time instead of moving on and finding a good girl who won't treat you like a doormat, who won't just dump you and who will treat you with respect

[TomerT]

And let's not be vague here, TomerT. You're still obsessing over your ex. The one who was having unprotected sex with an ex-boyfriend while on vacation. The one who may or may not have even broken up with you before she started having sex with that guy again. The one who is now pregnant by that guy. She didn't love you or even respect you when all that happened. Even if she feels guilty now, she is still a selfish person who will treat you like dirt. Forget her. Seriously. There are so many other women around, ones that you could actually trust to not cheat on you. Find one of those women and forget your ex.

Vincenzo - you partially right, although after her I have already been with other girls, and there are few that in "my waiting list" - I still "obsessed" with her.
I don't know why and how to explain it. I am not a psychologist. Probably I really truly loved her and the "blow" was too strong and unexpected. May be also it's an "ego" thing...
I am learning how to deal with it. Every day I feel better.
But I totally understand now that there is no way, nothing she can do (and of course say) that will bring us together....I just pretty sure that in matter of weeks she will crawl back - and it will be ashame.
I also want to be ready...

[TomerT]

Dude, now you're just wasting time instead of moving on and finding a good girl who won't treat you like a doormat, who won't just dump you and who will treat you with respect

the problem is, that in the beginning every girl is a "good girl" ("I am not like other girls" - familiar with this ?) and will not dump you and will treat you with respect - until one day everything become exactly opposite.
You can never know, until it actually happens. My rational is that by getting back with your X (that already dumped you), and assuming that she also "burned" by what happened - she will not do it again.
No one wants to be burned several times....You may say "she is your X for a reason", but I can also say "she was my gf for a reason also"...
I suppose all this traits that I loved before are still there....I learned something new about her, but the old characteristic that I loved are still there...
But may be this is only a sound theory and does not hold in reality.

[YouAreBeautiful]

Being a Plan B in itself is not bad. If a partner is truthful and honest in saying they have learned their lesson than forgiveness is honorable. Minus pride, and a few scars, the relationship can work for the better. However, if it is a continuous thing, it shows a lack of a respect and value for the partner and no concern for their feelings. In this scenario the partner is a doormat and the relationship is not a good one.

[TomerT]

Being a Plan B in itself is not bad. If a partner is truthful and honest in saying they have learned their lesson than forgiveness is honorable. Minus pride, and a few scars, the relationship can work for the better. However, if it is a continuous thing, it shows a lack of a respect and value for the partner and no concern for their feelings. In this scenario the partner is a doormat and the relationship is not a good one.

Agree, thanks. Frankly, this is kind of answer I had in my head and glad that I'm not alone in this rationale.