Engagement

**Petit Papillon** · 23-10-10, 04:08 AM

How much does it mean to you?
Few days ago I was speaking to my brother . I started the subject because I saw another ex classmates of mine that got "engaged". I told my brother that I think it's definitely too soon , especially because she's with this guy just since not even a year. When I said that, he said that now everybody gets engaged. After one,three,six months. He said that engagement has no real meaning. It's just the way to finish a fight or to give girls opportunity to show off and that it's not a big deal... I was pretty, don't even how to call it....Surprised? Disappointed with people ? maybe I'm "old fashioned' but for me engagement is just one step before marriage. You accept the proposal when you actually plan the future with your partner ,you already know him better and you're 100% happy in the relationship. It would be a big step for me, I'm with my bf almost 2 years together and I'M not sure if I would accept the proposal. I just don't know if you can say after 2 years if it's going to last. We were living all this time together and even after that I'm not ready for such a big step. I would feel immature if I'd accept it now ,without any serious plan for the future etc... I mean, what is the deal to get engaged if you don't even plan to get married in the nearest future...
What is going on with people today ? Engagement is not some kind of a playground game or a joke... At least for me . What do you think about it ?

**sparkle_jello** · 23-10-10, 04:23 AM

I eloped with my husband, I really barely knew him at the time, so there was no engagement. I think people can get engaged after six months, especially if you are very similar and have similar goals.

**Petit Papillon** · 23-10-10, 04:31 AM

Don't know... For me such couples are another early divorce cases... I already know few girls (21yo-22yo) , with a kid and after divorce...
And then , if everybody gets engaged nowadays so early into the relationship , what is so special about it? Actually nothing anymore,if people don't treat it seriously ...

**sparkle_jello** · 23-10-10, 04:41 AM

Originally Posted by Petit Papillon

Don't know... For me such couples are another early divorce cases... I already know few girls (21yo-22yo) , with a kid and after divorce...
And then , if everybody gets engaged nowadays so early into the relationship , what is so special about it? Actually nothing anymore,if people don't treat it seriously ...

The same can also be said for people that have extremely long engagements, apparently there is a spike in the divorce rate if you wait a certain amount of time to get married or something like that.

Anyways, I don't think the divorce rate has much to do with length of time, and everything to do with it being more socially acceptable now.

**Petit Papillon** · 23-10-10, 04:53 AM

When I get engaged I will also start to plan the wedding etc. Because that is what's originally engagement is for... Till then I'm in relationship . I think my problem is that engagement lost it's meaning nowadays. It doesn't mean anything to people anymore. Kids get engaged,before they even know how to live on their own...

**sparkle_jello** · 23-10-10, 04:56 AM

Originally Posted by Petit Papillon

When I get engaged I will also start to plan the wedding etc. Because that is what's originally engagement is for... Till then I'm in relationship . I think my problem is that engagement lost it's meaning nowadays. It doesn't mean anything to people anymore. Kids get engaged,before they even know how to live on their own...

Everyone has their own different life and not everyone should follow the same path. In truth, I don't believe in weddings. I think they've gotten to be a ridiculous show that people think they need to have to show the world they are together. And then there are wedding gifts, which to me don't make sense, but what the hell. It's just my views.

**Petit Papillon** · 23-10-10, 05:15 AM

I don't want a big wedding, my bf isn't a fan neither. By wedding, I mean "party" for my closest family - parents,godparents and siblings. the same with my bf. Maybe if his grandparents will be still here they will come too. Anyway... Friends that I'm talking about , are still living with their parents, still on university or after high school working "somewhere" . They decide to get married before they even live with their partner for a bit. They for sure don't even know what to expect , it's pretty unreasonable. It's just to show off how mature they are,because they have 'wife' or 'husband' ...

**vashti** · 23-10-10, 05:43 AM

I agree with everything you have said on this thread, papi.

**doppelgaenger** · 23-10-10, 09:02 AM

I tried it once, and I will never, ever, ever do that again. I would get more appreciation tossing it into a wishing well and getting nothing in return.

**Mish** · 23-10-10, 09:05 AM

I think since your ex classmate and her partner are in their early 20s, they are getting engaged too quickly. But there is probably a cultural element to these decisions. For example most people in their early 20s are already married in Russia, that's just how things go over there. Their question to us is "waiting is artificial, so what's the point of waiting?"

**Petit Papillon** · 23-10-10, 09:30 AM

Originally Posted by Mishanya

I think since your ex classmate and her partner are in their early 20s, they are getting engaged too quickly. But there is probably a cultural element to these decisions. For example most people in their early 20s are already married in Russia, that's just how things go over there. Their question to us is "waiting is artificial, so what's the point of waiting?"

No it's not cultural factor. People born in early 80's aren't that quick .Some of them aren't even married yet, a lot of them choose to get education and money first,before getting in something serious. They wanted to get on particular level to be able to afford a family. It's not a big deal to get married. But I think if you're getting married, you should also be ready (and be able) to have own place to live and to afford a child. And don't tell me that those 20yo's can do that... They are still at school,living off of their parents. Again, it's not dificult to get married ... But I think you should have a solid plan for the future before...

**Mish** · 23-10-10, 09:33 AM

Originally Posted by Petit Papillon

No it's not cultural factor. People born in early 80's aren't that quick .

In the west. Things are still different in the eastern europe.

**Petit Papillon** · 23-10-10, 09:42 AM

The thing is, this has changed. people now get married at 20 or even 18. They already have kids... PLANNED . Ok, fine if they want to. I'm just irritated how some stupid post school kids treat engagement. They get engaged after 3 months of being together and before they get married (or the marriage doesn't even happen) , they break it off 20 times... I wish I could slap them for being so irritating, one by one

**bluesummer** · 23-10-10, 12:56 PM

I don't believe in getting engaged unless the point is to start planning the wedding immediately. If you're just going to sit on the engagement, don't bother. It probably won't happen.

I think the really young ones romanticize engagement. It's cute and fun, and the 'idea' of a wedding is fun, but it usually loses it's lustre once they realize they actually have to marry that person. Marriage isn't terribly romantic.

**misombra** · 23-10-10, 02:32 PM

i've never heard of such thing. maybe it's something to do with the younger generation.

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