If two people are TRULY attracted to each other, can you overcome anything?

[lemonade69]

Me and this guy go a few years back. He was interested first.

But due to a mixture of my inexperience, not knowing what I want, and extreme introversion, I had this push-pull thing going on with him which spanned over three years (please bear with me), and I came off like I was playing games with him this whole time. This was unbeknownst to me then; and I only realised the effect of what I was doing when I explained the situation to a friend.

By the end of those three years, the last time I pulled back again, he said it wasn't possible for us to be together anymore (at that point, he was sure I was just playing games with him.)

I have since explained myself, and apologized (since I knew I had taken his attention for granted somewhat) and he has been quiet.

Despite all this, we don't actually know each other very well. It's one of those situations where the "relationship" was stuck in the courtship phase, and the two people weren't friends before.

The only "connection" we have now is facebook.
I've been slowly letting him know what I was really thinking/feeling this whole time with occasional status updates.

He used to copy stuff I do on there, now he seems to be doing it again (I'm know I'm not imagining this, because it's something, very, specific).
He seems to "warm up" more when I let out my vulnerable side out (as opposed to the game-playing b*tch I portrated myself as), and when I casually talked about my future plans for children (I know he wants kids himself).

I saw him today; he walked by me, and turned his head to hold the gaze (whilst still walking) with a half-smile; whereas he would just ignore me before.

What I want to know is..

Do I still have the SLIGHTEST bit of chance with this guy?

I really like him. He's one of the few you meet in a lifetime where the attraction is just so strong, it can go on for years like this, and you just know it's not forced.

I know trust takes time to rebuild. But would I have a chance if I, for once, would come out of my shell, and show him who I am, let him get to know me, and hope he'd see a "new" side? I know being aggressive and pushy at this stage is a bad idea.

I know where he works so I can "casually" see him if I wanted to (and it doesn't need to be obvious since he works in a ward, and I can go see cases there any time), and slowly build a real connection? Or should I just lay low and keep doing what I've been doing on facebook and hope he contacts me?

Would it (if anything) be enough to overcome what happened before? Or is it a total lost cause?

Sorry this is so long-winded. But it means a lot to me.

ANY honest advice/thoughts are much appreciated!!

[RdHrshyKss]

sounds like he's still open, especially since you said his attitude towards you has changed for the better lately. if you are serious about being willing to try things out with him, then tell him how you feel. write a nice long personal message explaining everything to him, apologizing for how you treated him and tell him that you are willing to open up and let him in. BUT ONLY DO THIS IF YOU SERIOUSLY MEAN IT...not because you miss the attention you were getting from him. after that, the ball is in his court. and there is the possibility that he won't want to try things with you because he doesn't trust that you won't let him down again...you have to be ok with his choice either way. if he agrees to try things out, then consider this a fresh start. take things slow and treat it like any new relationship. if you go back to old habits/behaviors, it will be destined to fail.

[lemonade69]

Thanks so much for your response!

Would it be better if I try to be a friend first? It SEEMS like he's open sometimes, but I would say this is fleeting and fairly inconsistent.
Would it work better if I try the friendship angle first? Afterall, we barely know each other. At this point, I'm afraid of being too aggressive and losing the little but of trust that's taken several months to build.

[Agape]

Thanks so much for your response!

1) Would it be better if I try to be a friend first? It SEEMS like he's open sometimes, but I would say this is fleeting and fairly inconsistent.
2) Would it work better if I try the friendship angle first? Afterall, we barely know each other. At this point, I'm afraid of being too aggressive and losing the little but of trust that's taken several months to build.

1) well should should at least try . . . make sure you're consistent and then see how he reacts, if he continues to be inconsistent then you should move on

2) You could try being friends and quit the push/pull games . . . how old are you two?

[RdHrshyKss]

Thanks so much for your response!

Would it be better if I try to be a friend first? It SEEMS like he's open sometimes, but I would say this is fleeting and fairly inconsistent.
Would it work better if I try the friendship angle first? Afterall, we barely know each other. At this point, I'm afraid of being too aggressive and losing the little but of trust that's taken several months to build.

i would say trying the friendship angle first wouldn't hurt. but i'd still let him know that you've acknowledged all the "games" that you played in the past, that you understand that you hurt him, and that you are truly sorry. be sincere. he's not going to be interested in becoming friends with you if you don't acknowledge all the things that upset him in the first place. if he's mature, he'll respect you for taking the initiative to apologize. best case scenario, you guys become friends and it eventually leads to a relationship. worse case scenario, he doesn't trust you enough to try it out again. i mean, in comparison to what's going on between you two right now, i think it's definitely worth a try...what do you have to lose really?

[YouAreBeautiful]

Letting someone know how you feel through status updates is a passive way of letting someone know how you feel. They can never be sure if you are talking to them or not and may feel a bit teased. Eventually you are going to have to be more direct if you want it to work out. Ask why you feel you have to let him know your feelings slowly. Is it because you think he will be scared off if he knows the truth? If not great! Tell him. If so..maybe this isn't the relationship for you...

[lemonade69]

Thanks for the responses.

The reason why I'm being so passive is because he was pretty adamnant about how it "wasn't possible" for us just a few months ago, so I thought I'd back off a bit (plus, he would ignore me when he saw me, at first).
And with such a long history, I just feel that I've made a big mess and decided to opt for the slowly but surely route, since I know that if this had happened the other way around, I would definitely have my guard up.
I do understand that I'd have to go speak to him eventually if I want anything to come out of this, but given what's happened, isn't the ball in his court? I guess I'm just scared of making him trust me even less if I'm too aggressive.

Something I've noticed, though, is that he would do stuff that seemingly tries to get my attention. E.g., if I'm standing in one place, he'd walk by several times, but never actually looking at me (this was when this whole thing was still fresh and he was still ignoring btw).
WHat's the reason for doing something like this if you're so adamnant about not wanting to be with someone?