My best friend... I could use some help

[ukguy]

So here's the story:

In my first year at uni, I met this girl and we really hit it off. It didn't take me long to decide that I really liked her, however she had a boyfriend at home so asking her out was out of the question. As the year went on we became closer and closer and eventually became best friends- we used to hang out together all the time and occassionally going out to bars and clubs together (usually with a group and not just the two of us) During this time my feelings for this girl became stronger and stronger and I became convinced that she was the one- we never argued, we had a lot in common, we made each other laugh...

Eventually she broke up with her boyfriend at home- and the first thing she did was come round to my flat. She was really upset, was crying a lot and although as her best friend my first concern was that she was OK- I started to consider asking her out, but decided against doing it so soon since she was so upset.

Over the summer we didn't see much of each other since we live far apart, but we still kept in touch and I decided that when we got back to uni I would be brave and tell her how I felt.

We got back to uni and I finally plucked up the courage and told her how I felt- I was kind of expecting her to say no, and I turned out to be right. She seemed a little upset and just said that she cared about me so much but didn't feel the same way. Needless to say I was gutted, but I was glad that I still had her as a best friend.

Two days later, we're out with a group of my flatmates and she ends up kissing one of them- the day after they start visiting each other and now they're officially going out. I feel so devastated and so angry. I've lived with her new boyfriend for over a year, he was a good friend of mine. He knew full well how I felt about her, and I feel so let down by him I can't even bear to talk to him.

I'm still spending time with the girl, but it breaks my heart when I remember that she's with someone who was meant to be my friend- I still genuinely think that we're meant to be together (perhaps unrealistically I know) and I get really upset when I think of her. Sorry for my rambling long winded post, but I feel quite relieved to pour out the story and I'd appreciate any advice, opinions etc. however harsh!

[Poetic_Partner]

UK,

Sorry to hear about that. If it's any consolation (or maybe it's not!), she was certainly interested in your friend before you asked her. She was likely thrown for a loop and didn't want to hurt your feelings by mentioning your friend though.

As for your friend, unless he's a complete jerk, he was probably conflicted about things too - though he is not likely to admit as much. Things probably happened suddenly for him, and he reasoned to himself that you had had plenty of chances to let her know.

It's hard to admit it when the wound's still fresh, but neither of them took actions that warrent negative emotions being thrown towards them.

Unfortunately, distance isn't really an option for you, so just try and bury yourself in your studies and maybe get out some where they won't be.

-PP

[ukguy]

UK,

Sorry to hear about that. If it's any consolation (or maybe it's not!), she was certainly interested in your friend before you asked her. She was likely thrown for a loop and didn't want to hurt your feelings by mentioning your friend though.

As for your friend, unless he's a complete jerk, he was probably conflicted about things too - though he is not likely to admit as much. Things probably happened suddenly for him, and he reasoned to himself that you had had plenty of chances to let her know.

It's hard to admit it when the wound's still fresh, but neither of them took actions that warrent negative emotions being thrown towards them.

Unfortunately, distance isn't really an option for you, so just try and bury yourself in your studies and maybe get out some where they won't be.

-PP

Thanks for the advice. To be honest though I'm not sure if she did like him before I told her how I felt- they both knew each other, but they only really started talking properly in the days after I asked her. They got together REALLY fast, which is why I was so shocked and upset by it. Also I'm sure she would have told me if she had a crush on my friend beforehand- we're best friends and have no secrets between each other.

As for my other friend- even if he may have had doubts/conflicts about it don't you think he crossed the line? I realise this may be my biased, angry opinion but I know if I was approached by a girl who I knew that my friend was madly in love with I'd at least have the decency to talk to him about it, and I'd be really concerned about how they felt.

[JELEF]

As for my other friend- even if he may have had doubts/conflicts about it don't you think he crossed the line?

No. You're simply being jealous. Think about what you're asking him and her to do: it's well selfish of you. Because 'you're in love with her' you want both of them to ignore their feelings for eachother? She doesn't fancy you. She may/probably never will. Just get on with it. There are other women out there. You needn't meddle with your friend's romance. Let them be happy together.