Majorly confusing situation...to me.

[menandwomen]

Okay. I have been seeing this girl for roughly 4 months now. I'm 25, she's 22. It started as just casually hooking up, until we realized that we both liked each other. We have both confessed that we are into each other more than friends with benefits, but she has also confessed that she doesn't want a relationship. I have realized, based on her history, that she may be somewhat of a commitment-phobe. So, I'm pretty good at giving her space and letting her have her independence, which I am actually really cool with as I have never found clingy, or needy girls very attractive. I just hate knowing that she doesn't want a relationship. It seems as though my two options are: a) give up on, basically, an amazing girl, or b) keep at this hoping she changes her mind with the potential of consistently being mildly stressed out and suddenly dropped at anytime.

At the moment, this "friendship" thing is at a point where I usually spend one to two nights at her place a week, she puts on a sad face if I don't kiss her and hug her before I leave, she consistently wants cuddling, we joke, go for dinner, and are altogether reasonably playful and enjoy each other.....but she doesn't want a relationship. So, any advice? Give up? Keep at it? Anybody been in this situation before? How'd it turn out?

[Applesauce]

what do you want? If you want a relationship but she doesn't, then move on. If you are content with being FWB, then be happy

[menandwomen]

She has admitted to me that she sees us as more than friends with benefits because she does have romantic feelings for me, but doesn't want a relationship. Is there a word for that?

[menandwomen]

I guess, I wasn't really picturing a serious relationship, but only because I like taking things slow. I do want more than friends with benefits.

[Poetic_Partner]

Sometimes women (and men) are simply afraid of the word "relationship" and its close cousins. They will have a situation that is, in every function, a relationship, but won't call it that.

Another possibility is that she wants something open, but can not conceive of that as a "relationship". It just is not in her understanding of the term.

Or, she could be at an inbetween stage. You've only known each other 4 months, and at least some of that was casual, then some more time was fwb, now transitioning into a relationship.

Just some ideas.

-PP

[Agape]

You seem to get along well together . . .is there more than just sex? are there emotions there? . . .if so then the term "relationship" is arbitrary.

It's only been 4 months, hopefully she'll change her mind in the future . . . also, what's her history like - why doesn't she like relationships?

[menandwomen]

Her longest "relationship" has been approx two months. I'm not sure why she doesn't like relationships, but she is extremely independent and seems to have mostly dated guys who have treated her like shit in the past. That's something she has admitted.

It's def. more than just sex, and she has admitted that..(something about how when we started we were kinda just hooking up, but things have moved past that). I don't know. I enjoy her a lot, so I guess I have to consider the label deal as arbitrary and just chill out. I've been in a lot of lame relationships before, so maybe this will be good for me/worth sticking it out for. A title shouldn't mean the world.

[Applesauce]

She has admitted to me that she sees us as more than friends with benefits because she does have romantic feelings for me, but doesn't want a relationship. Is there a word for that?

Proceed with caution. Saying you don't want a relationship but see each other as more than fwb is a roundabout way of keeping someone interested while you leave your options open

[RdHrshyKss]

definitely proceed with caution. leave your options open too, don't let this girl control your interactions. if she doesn't want to commit to you, then don't commit to her. if you can't handle being FWB and the idea that she might go out with other people, then you need to cut contact and move on.

[Agape]

something about how when we started we were kinda just hooking up, but things have moved past that

Well she might still see this as just having sex . . . either way, hopefully you won't get too hurt