one time we broke up and i really thought it was for real
i cried to myself and it didnt even take me a day before i felt good about they way i was
we had fought many times severely and i could tell that there were differences between us that i just couldn’t come to terms with and so at the time, if it was over, then im glad and goodbye
but when i called him to tell him that i’m fine with the idea of being apart and that i think it’s a good idea because i don’t believe that we can do it, he told me he wasn’t serious and his tone just made me seem like i thought too much into it
i was for real though but those days, somehow i just ended up being with him again.
when he called to ask if we were going to eat saturday after i’ve called him, i just agreed because i was so used to doing those things with him. and in the end, i just ended up dropping the matter of splitting.
i wish i stayed strong. even though we are fine, every day i can see that he’s not the one for me. there’s just no passion in me and it bothers me. i wish i could be strong enough to just give up this passion crap and be happy with him anyways but i can’t. he loves me so much and its so amusing to me that he loves me so much when i can’t reciprocate anything. it hurts me and at the same time i love to be loved by him. i wish i could love him passionately but i just cant. being with him, i feel unhappy… and its not his fault. at least not entirely. i just want him to let me go and be okay that we’re not together for some time. if i really come to realize i love him so much, i want to know that for myself.
i dont have enough courage to leave him though…
each time i say merciless things but i kind of wish he would accept this part of me
my feelings are so mean, he says so too, but i just have to have this
i just wish he could just let me go explore
i’m young and i feel stuck…
i feel that if i dont have him let me be and if i dont go pursue my goals, i’m gonna end up hating on him for getting in my way.
it’s my fault for not liking him before we went out. he never thought much of me and i didn’t of him. somehow he came to love me and i was still confused. now i love him alright but i dont think i have much right to say that in comparison to him. it just eats me up, i wonder if i can really be happy now, to be able to live with this lack of heart for him.