Bit of advice please

[chocopops]

Hi,

I have been with my husband for 10 years but we got into a rut, I lost my job a couple of years ago and since then things just went downhill. We were arguing all the time and we were both miserable. A month ago we decided to separate so he moved out. We both agreed we didn't want to divorce yet, anyway to cut a long story short we have talked a lot and decided we want to get back together in 6 months (this long as he has signed a tenancy on a house). My problem is, I keep getting upset and taking it out on him, then apologising and he forgives me but I know he is getting sick of the way I'm acting. I love him so much and I want us to work things out so my question is how do i act when i speak to and see him? Do i keep him at a distance to make him see what he's missing or do i be affecionate etc so that he remembers all the things he loves about me? I knew separating would be hard, but the reason I keep going off at him is because i keep thinking it will be easier if i don't miss him, but i don't want him to give up on me.

Sorry for the long story but had to get it all in lol. Any advice would be welcome.

Thanks

[reeba]

have you tried couple's therapy?

i'm no pro, but why would he want to get back together with someone who is distant, arguementive, etc.

be affectionate if you want him back. i'm not saying sleep with him. but you need to have some heart to heart talks. and some talks about your unemployment and how it is making you feel. and some talks about why you think your relationship is in a rut and why you think you won't feel this way still if he comes back.

[Applesauce]

your behavior doesn't make any sense. First, you take your anger out on him and then you want to play mental games? Are you trying to make your relationship work or make him leave you?

[chocopops]

Applesauce - No that's not right at all. I'm not playing mental games with him. I said I kept taking my anger out on him and now I have stopped doing that. I am just not sure how to act around him now, I don't want him to feel I'm being too full on but I don't want him to think I don't care if that makes sense.

reeba - No we haven't tried couples therapy, we don't really feel that is the right step for us. Thanks for the advice, I appreciate it

[Agape]

"My problem is, I keep getting upset and taking it out on him, then apologising and he forgives me but I know he is getting sick of the way I'm acting."

Why do you scapegoat him? Does he directly upset you? . . . anyways, how about this, instead of directly getting mad at him when things go back - maybe write it down, wait a day and sleep over it - then the next day, if it's still important talk to him when you've cooled off

What are the things you get upset about?

[Applesauce]

Applesauce - No that's not right at all. I'm not playing mental games with him. I said I kept taking my anger out on him and now I have stopped doing that. I am just not sure how to act around him now, I don't want him to feel I'm being too full on but I don't want him to think I don't care if that makes sense.

You just said so right here

Do i keep him at a distance to make him see what he's missing or do i be affecionate etc so that he remembers all the things he loves about me?

Why would you even contemplate making him "see what he's missing" after you take your anger out on him?