Ex girlfriend not talking to me

[corporatesam]

To keep things easy and short for everyone I'll do my story in bullet points in chronological order..

- We're both 22 years of age now.
- Met this girl through a friend (whom I met online also)online a few years back and we became friends. Didn't really talk to her that much though.
- This girl lives in North America while I live in Australasia.
- Two years ago we started flirting with each other and started liking each other. A few months later I finally asked her out and then we began our long distance relationship.
- Throughout the time, we both kept telling each other how we are going to be staying together etc and there were no hints that she had any intentions of breaking up with me. She even booked a flight to where I lived and decided to come visit me earlier this year for about a month and a half.
- It wasn't till a few months before she came here that she told me that she wasn't actually "in love with me" and how she still had feelings for her previous ex-boyfriend.
- Things went great for a while when she came here where she finally got to see me for the first time in person (she only saw me via webcam prior to the visit) until at the end of the first month we had a chat one night and she said that she doesn't think we're a match.
- The remainder of her trip seemed really awkward as she told her friends and family that she's most likely not going to come back and see me again and she became a little bit distant (me too). But at the end of the trip she felt really sad for leaving here and couldn't stop crying and thinking about me when she went back.
- A few days later she started texting me and told me that she wants to come back and make her life better. With that in mind, everything seemed to go back to normal...
- Then a month later one of her friends passed away and she was feeling really down. A day later she told me that she has begun losing feelings for me and it probably won't last for at most a couple of weeks from then. Then I tried everything I could not to lose her and then she started becoming really verbally abusive towards me and just wanted to break up with me. We finally broke up on the day of my birthday which made me really upset (I had a birthday party to host later that day too!).
- A day later me and her mother (who I've talked a few times on the webcam) spoke and we just briefly chatted about what happened. It seemed like we got on good terms.
- We haven't spoken to each other since the day we broke up. Since then I haven't started seeing or dating anyone. Her facebook indicates that she is still single but she has removed the "relationship status" info on her front page about more than a week ago but it still says she's single under info.
- I sent her a text sometime last week and I just said hi and she still hasn't texted me back.

Now I'm feeling kinda down because of it.. I think for my efforts and care that I have shown for the girl I really deserve some expert advice for this. Please help

If you need to ask a question to clarify something, please ask me.

[MerryH]

Sucks that you broke up. Time to move on, though. Stay busy with other things so you don't just sit around wallowing.

[corporatesam]

Sucks that you broke up. Time to move on, though. Stay busy with other things so you don't just sit around wallowing.

I have been trying for the past 5 or so months but it's not working

[MerryH]

Five months? That's a long time. What's still holding you back?

[corporatesam]

Five months? That's a long time. What's still holding you back?

I still have feelings for her and also I keep thinking that we will someday get back together so I'm afraid of moving on..

[lincsman]

I have good news for you. I was in the same situation. I personally think that the event that happened to her affected your relationship - messed with her emotions, perhaps. Either way, I think it is time to close the door and let go. Think of things that you don't like about her. I felt the same way about an ex-friend of mine for about a year, and it was advised to close the door, let it be as is. What really helped me let go was that I realized that she was manipulative (threatening me, stuff like that) and since I would never put up with that with someone else, I knew I wouldn't put up with it with her either. So that pretty much just shut down my feelings for her right there. Think of when she was abusive to you and without going over the top with anger, dwell on that for a while and think about how that makes you feel. Give yourself a good reason why you don't want her. That is what worked for me, and hopefully it will work for you.

[Soulhelper]

If you ask me, online relationships can never work. Specially if you live in real far places. That simply can't work ! While hanging out, you'll (or she will) certainly find someone else and forget her. Or maybe something else will happen. But who cares, that simply won't work if you don't "phisically" see each other. So if you ask me, try to forget her.
And the best way you can do this is simply by dating again !

You (everybody) can send me a PM if this didn't resolve your problem, or if you have more thoughts and questions. I'd be gad to try to answer them !

[corporatesam]

Well sometime last week I went on facebook during the day and I started saying hi to her in chat and she said hi back then we had a brief conversation. Something I noticed (even though it may have no significance at all, but) she seemed to type a lot more than I did and I was pretty much giving her 1 or 2 word answers each time. We didn't chat for long though as I said that I had to go.

But seriously the more I think about it now, she doesn't really seem like someone who I would really want to be with anymore and something just tells me that she isn't good enough for me. While she spent her time here, my parents noticed a few things about her and told me about it after she had left and they're mostly negative. I should've listened to them and ended it when she got back but I was a bit too naive since she was upset how she had to go back and I fell for it..

That's life huh folks?

[Applesauce]

someone should sticky a thread with links to all the online relationships that fail. Maybe then it will send the message across. You can't have a real connection with a person that you only know through a computer

anyway, don't stress it OP. Girls are illogical. Your ex most likely didn't feel an emotional connection with you or met someone else

[newcity2010]

please move on and enjoy yourself

[twinrexes]

I agree with everyone about long distance. And if you start finding yourself in a lot of long distance relationships, or trying to connect with women who are emotionally unavailable/commitment phobic, it's time to look in the mirror. Are you setting yourself up? Some people (ask me how I know!) get into one impossible situation after another because they wouldn't know what to do with a real, viable relationship.

Try dating someone who's more "geographically acceptable!" and see what happens!