I have a question and itīs about something that happened to me a long time ago but still stings and burns me inside my core once in awhile producing a very bitter and sad moment that lasts about a minute (or a whole weekend). My question is why someone would behave in a way I cannot understand. Also, I have to say that, I lead a very happy life, I have a great job and the issue Iīm going to describe it does not impair my life at all. Also, this lady Iīll talk about is happily married and Iīm not expecting her to drop her marriage for me, neither I think she misses me or anything like that. Itīs something that happened years ago and I cannot stop wondering what could have triggered her reaction. Do I miss her? Iīd give anything to see her smile one more time, but Iīm realistic and I know sheīs not dumping a succesful Architect for a diving dude that doesnīt even own a car. Still hurts when I think about that but, with this question Iīm not pursuing to get her back or anything like that. So please, donīt tell me to move on or to forget about her because thatīs not the case at all. Like I said, I go out on dates and have a great time once in awhile and I can live with this loss. My question is, why a girl changes so dramatically. Anyway, thanks for reading it.
14 years ago, in the summer of ī96 I meet a lovely Italian-American girl from Atlanta.* It was instant chemistry.* We spent three amazing weeks together without leaving each otherīs side.* Then she went back home.* I have to say we decided to, eventually meet again in Playa so we didnīt really say good-bye but just a nice see you later, alligator.* Anyway, a week later when I called her back (no internet back then, so we used her AT&T;card for phone calls) she inmediately asked me if I would like her to move to México with me for a few months.* Of course I instantly said yes and got very, very happy about it.* Then, for the next three months, we talked on the phone twice a week for at least two hours.* We also sent faxes to each other to agree the phone call time.* As we maintained phone communication, our plans got bigger and bigger.* All of a sudden, I had already rented a nice cabin with a top roof to live with her and I had already found her a job in a spa on the beach with one of my best friends.* Things were really underway. I have to mention she was growing more and more excited.* Then, in early November (remember we met in August), I wasnīt getting faxes from her to arrange phone calls.* For a week I didnīt hear from her and, that made me very worry because before I met her I had come out from a very painful relationship where my ex cheated on me for awhile with a great friend of mine (well, not that great I guess...)
So, I saved some money and I called her to her sisterīs house where she was temporarily staying.* She sounded a bit strange, like if she didnīt have freedom to talk on the phone.* When I noticed it, I asked her if she was still thinking about coming to México and she, inmediately replied: I think about it all the time. That really reassured me for good.* She even said during that conversation she had already bought her flight ticket.* And then we said good night and hung up. That was the last time I ever heard from her.*
Then, I fell in a heavy depression because it was the first time I had considered to be with someone all my life or for a pretty long time (I was 30 years old when we met).* I knew nothing had happened to her because her sisters had friends in Playa and kept in touch with them and she didnīt know either why the silence treatment.* It was a real silence treatment.* I kept writing letters to her for the next two years, sometimes three letters a week.* I was just asking her to write me back and to tell me what was on her mind.* I never demanded for any explanations or judge at all why she cut herself off without even telling me.* I kept asking her all that time to not leave me in confusion, to tell me what to do.* For the next years, I didnīt know whether to wait or to forget.* That`s the most painful way.* For the next few years I was in total oblivion.* Everytime I met someone nice, I would think I was betraying her, like if I didnīt want any reason to happen for her not to come. For my bad luck, the next 14 years I met no one that made me feel like sharing a life with.* I was sure it was not the ghost of her that was still haunting me, it was just that the bar was already too high for the other girls.* I think I wanted to meet someone like her all along. Anyway, I kept in touch with her sister (we actually talked on the phone once about five years ago) and then we became friends on Facebook a couple of years ago.* Then, I started to get itchy again about her because I knew I could send her messages on this social network which to me was kindaīof a bad, bad idea. So, what I did was that I said to her sister I wanted to reimburse at least half of the money she spent during our months of exchanging phone calls that she paid for (about a thousand dollars).* Her sister gave her my message and my email address so I can get an answer from her. I have to say, at this point, I already knew she was married and I was sure all I wanted was to wish her the best in life, to her and to her husband, I really wanted that because I respect the Institution of Marriage and I donīt tamper with those issues.* And I also knew inside of me that, I really wished the best for her and that her private life didnīt concern me at all.* And again.* No response.* She didnīt write or send any message at all.* Then, her sister gave me her email address and I wrote her explaining to her I only wanted to say hello, to give her my best and to wish her a happy life.* For some reason she never wrote back either. That was a year ago so, I decided to accept she didnīt want to know anything at all about me, something that was very difficult for me because being her friend would have been very HEALING for me.* I realized that being able to wish her a happy birthday or a happy new year once in awhile would have been nice for me:* To remain her friend in the sake of the wonderful however fleeting time we had once but, she wouldnīt just accept it.* I have to say it was painful to realize she had almost 90 friends on FB and she wouldnīt even want to be in touch with me whom she had made plans once in her life to be together.* In sum, Iīve lived the last 14 years wondering everyday why she wouldnīt write a little goodbye note.* Not having closure has made my romantic life miserable I have to admit.* I also have to say, we never had any fights, never argued, she was happy about our chemistry.* Itīs very, very strange...and painful.
I know sheīs already sharing her life for almost ten years with someone successful and that, maybe thatīs what she had wanted all her life. Thatīs totally perfect for me. What I donīt understand is, if sheīs happy and her marriage is perfect, why not to write me a brief "have a happy life" note? I donīt know how thatīll affect her marriage, anyway, Iīm not anyone to judge that. Itīs just that, a simple note would mean closure to me.
Thank you for reading and, please, Iīm moving on, everyday I do that.