Am I Being Self-Absorbed?

[Wieters]

Hey guys, I'm in need of some serious advice.

I've been with my girlfriend for just about two months, and I have fairly strong feelings for her. I had held back from saying it myself in order to test her true emotions, and sure enough, a few days ago she told me that she loved me, to which I responded that I loved her too.

The problem, however, is that I have had a feeling throughout our entire relationship that she merely likes anyone who shows her any kind of affection. My girlfriend is very attractive even by objective standards, and thus I do not mean to say that she hooks up with anyone who comes onto her, but rather that she quickly "loves" anyone who she is initially attracted to and enters a relationship with.


This issue has appeared since the onset, since starting with just shortly after meeting my GF as I learned about her most recent boyfriend who was an absolute asshole as he didn't want to be seen with her in public, yet she still stayed with him for weeks while he used her for sexual purposes. My GF said that she loved him, even though she realized her mistake after-the-fact.

Tonight, my worst fears were confirmed as my girlfriend told me that she had said to all of her boyfriends that she had loved them, and that none had returned the favor.

Now, we're only in college, and thus my girlfriend has only been in five or six relationships, but none of them have been truly serious, with most being trivial flings, as evidenced by one "boyfriend" being gay, another a douche, and another merely her breakfast buddy.

The issue I'm having is that I can't accept that my girlfriend "loves" me considering that she has told each and every other boy who she has been in a relationship with that she loved them. Furthermore, none of these guys were even remotely deserving of being "loved" by her.

My girlfriend continually tells me that she has changed and that she genuinely has stronger feelings for me than anyone else, and cried hysterically for hours when I hinted that I was done with her, but how am I supposed to feel unique or truly loved if my girlfriend just loves everyone who shows her any kind of mutual attraction?

I blew up on my girl tonight, and she couldn't adequately explain her feelings to my satisfaction. We'll probably hash things out more tomorrow, but what should I do from here? My gut reaction is to end the relationship for someone who truly loves me for me as I myself have been in numerous relationships wherein I've liked the person's sense of humor or sexual abilities, but never even contemplated the idea of loving them, whereas my current girlfriend has declared her love for every single boyfriend, making me feel like just another guy, and that she just grows attached.

Help, please?

[all alone]

You gotta pull that stick out of your ass and come down from your pedestal. Who made you so high and mighty?.. no one is perfect, and people get into situations that they then realize later on that perhaps that was not the best situation for them. They lived, they learned, so be it. It's not like all your previous relationships have been so glamorous, as you self-admittingly explain. Should your gf be freaking out because of those?.. Your in college, thats the age that people start to realize more what they want/need in a relationship. It's perfectly reasonable to assume that someone was with some douche bags or had a few flings.

Give it a break with all this 'oh no, my gf is attractive and she used to date other ppl and old them she loves them, and since they were douches, shes not worthy of my love'.. gimme a break, if your such a good guy, then you wouldn't just leave because of this. Or maybe your just really insecure?.. because you did say your worst fear was that she told her ex's she (*gasp*!) loved them! oh the horror..

[xxazurexx]

Poor you. My heart bleeds.

So your gf has loved more than ONE guy in her lifetime.

Honestly, grow up and get a life!!!

[carl1222]

I have noticed recently that saying "I love you" has taken on a more casual meaning, especially for younger couples. It has become a code phrase for "I have strong feelings for you and I want to commit to a relationship." A girl I know was in a new relationship (3 weeks) and I asked her how it was going. She replied "I don't know, he hasn't said "I love you" yet!

I'm not sure I understand what your concerns are. What's wrong with a girl who has strong feelings for someone she wants a relationship with? Are you disappointed because you weren't her first?

Carl.

[Ariadne]

Sounds like she just has a lot of love to give. Don't make her feel ashamed of that. You'll turn her into a bitter woman who is afraid to love anyone.

[Charlie Boy II]

That would put me off a bit too. Especially if she told six guys in a row she loved them, and none of them said it back!

[xxazurexx]

Hmm, I didn't read the bit where she'd said it to 6 guys one after the other she loved them....

Change of opinion - she sounds a bit desperate to be loved.

[Ariadne]

Hmm, I didn't read the bit where she'd said it to 6 guys one after the other she loved them....

Change of opinion - she sounds a bit desperate to be loved.

Or maybe she can't tell the difference between the infatuation early in the relationship and actual love. Either way, if that's the only problem the OP has... come on. He's getting ready to dump a girl over words. He didn't mention any other problems in the relationship. Is he even paying attention to her behavior? He should be able to look at her actions and tell if she genuinely feels for him or not.

And if your problem is that she tells guys she loves them too easily, why are you so desperate for her to genuinely love you after only two months? So desperate for her to love you that you want to dump her if she doesn't?

[Poetic_Partner]

Um - I don't get it. Your gf told you that she confessed to previous bfs that she loved them.

Would it be better if she had said "I only ever dated guys for cheap thrills"? Then we'd hear "I'm not sure if she loves me because all her previous bfs have been just for sex."

Does she really, truly, double-cross-your-heart and hope to die love you forever and ever? Who knows. She falls in love easily and is now in love with you. Either accept her love or drop her so she can find someone who can.

-PP