Ok, here it goes....About 3 years ago, at age 26, around 12/07...I met a gorgeous, bright, intelligent, fun-loving girl at work. A few weeks later we really hit it off at our company's annual exclusive Holiday party and we started dating exclusively. I cant describe how strong the feelings were for the both of us, but we just clicked and met each other at vulnerable times in each other's lives . This girl that I met was definitly THE ONE. We both FELT it. Our love was unique and unparalleled and was something that I'll dare to say for the both of us would never be duplicated again either w/ past relationships or even future relationships! We had several ups & and very little downs for the 1st 6-8 months of our relationship. I guess you would call it the "Honeymoon period" as a lot of relationships start of as. This brought us into the fall of '08 and suddenly I noticed she started getting a little more vocal and demanding about the fact that she wants a real committment and wants to start planning a future w/ me etc and then a few weeks later as the Holidays were approaching she pretty much told me for her X-mas present, she wants me to buy her an engagement ring! Keep in mind I had been only w/ her at that point for about 8 -9 months and most guys in that situation would've probably saw a big red flag when a girl starts getting demanding and starts asking for a ring in less than a year of dating them!! Despite that fact, I was really in love w/ this girl and started looking around for affordable rings and even let her take me to show me what she likes! ...I finally found a relatively affordable ring that she would probably like. Keep in mind this was about the second week in December, when suddenly she calls me up all excited and says she just came home from her local jewelry store and said she saw the ring of her dreams!! and that NO other ring would be the same as the one she saw and that she just had to have that ONE! I tried to return the ring I had bought and found out that they didnt accept returns and I knew I couldn't give her that one knwoing that there's another one she wants instead. The next day I went to the jewelry store and looked at the ring. I then tried to work out a payment plan for it and they couldn't work w/ me and said it has to be paid almost in full at the time of purchase which I was no where close to being even able to consider. I then talked to her and tried to be as straight forward and blunt as possible and told her that she needs to recalibrate her ring expectations for this X-mas b/c what she wants is very expensive and then all hell broke loose b/ween us....We nearly broke up because of it and it definitly spoiled our holidays . I was very surprised at her reaction and how non-understanding she was about money being a huge factor into this. Maybe the different backgrounds that we were brought up in have a lot to do her perspective. She comes from a very "priviledged upper-class" background and Im from an average blue-collar, nothing fancy kind of background.
We managed to get through the holidays and remain together, which brought us into January, when one day my phone rings and it's her mother. She said that she spoke w/ the jeweler that had the ring and she was willing to suddenly significantly drop the price and that she herself would chip in if money was a big issue and that I could pay for X amount and she would pay for X amount and that the important thing was for her daughter to get what she wanted, which was the exact ring she saw! I sensed a bit of urgency and demand in her statements as well as if to say, u have no excuse now to not buy this ring for my daughter!! Deep down I was pretty torn and need a day or so to think it over, because something just didn't seem right about this and I was wondering to myself.."Why are they being so pushy about this?" I loved her daughter very much and could def see myself getting married to her, but however, the time just didnt feel right and I wasn't in the quite to right place in my life at that point to so do, so I was very confused as to what to do. It was almost as if her mother was saying to me if you dont buy the ring in the next few weeks and if you don't pop the question to my daughter soon, that she would pull her away to break us up for good! Sounds kind of ridiculous, but her mother still has a lot of control over her daughter and her decisions and seems to have the power to get her daughter to turn on me if she had to. Her mom then resorted to another trick up her sleeve and tried to use psychological warfare to get me to feel "guilty" and how I was in the wrong for not proposing to her daughter already. It did seemingly work at the time though, b/c I reluctantly agreed to allow her to chip in for that ring so that her daughter could get it by Valentine's Day. Deep down however, something still didnt feel right about this and it felt too soon and that the timing wasn't right. Despite that and the reservations I had, I went ahead and went through w/ the proposal on Valentine's Day like was planned. I gave her one of the most unbelievable proposals that I could think of, like a scene out of a romance movie..... I picked her up, took her out to a nice dinner at a fancy Italian Restaurant on a nice Pier overlooking a world famous river and after dinner took her for a walk on the pier at night and after some casual conversation, then dropped to a knee and gave her the ring! I saw the joy light up on her face and she must've said yes about 20 times! We were engaged....But the best was still yet to come. I got us a room for the night across the river at a nice hotel we had been to before that was becoming our special place and I even took off from work the day before to decorate the room w/ balloons & flowers & rose pedals and even some little girl toys, as recommended by her mother, like a Cinderella Castle etc. I even spoke w/ the owner of that hotel. He even let me have an upgrade to the Presidential Suite for a regular room rate! I gave her a night she'll never EVER forget. I'd love to hear how her new BF plans to top that for her!! Anyways, it seemed we were on the same page w/ the wedding timing being at least a year or two but apparently we weren't because a about a month later we start going around and looking at wedding venues and her questions that were asked to the wedding planners were as if she was planning the wedding for that year, that summer of 09..So after weeks of going back and forth, she then got her parents involved again to almost strong arm me into doing the wedding that year! They even agreed to pay for most of the wedding and even a house for us, just as long as we get married asap! Again my gut feeling came back to me from a few months earlier..."Why were they being so pushy about their daughter being married??"" "Why dont they respect my take on this...afterall...it's my life too?!?!?!" Since this was strarting to get ridiculous that her parents have to stick their beaks into everything about this and aren't letting the both of us come up w/ our own decisions, I then tried to reason w/ her and said "let's talk this over just us two in person"....she then responds, "No....you come over and talk to me and my family again!!" This time I was at least going to bring an alibi that shared my point of view, so I brought my own mother, since she wants to get parents involved in this now....The next day we go over and I could sense unsincere welcome at the start from her and her mom towards me and my mom. I could just feel something not being right and the tension was there......Me and my mother pretty much spelled out to them they both were being very pushy about this and then all hell broke loose!! Her mother went on a verbal tirade and said some shocking, unclassful things towards me and my mother. She just exploded and out of respect to her and her house, I left and did not shout back at her in retaliation for the disgusting things she was saying! Her mother went as far as to even call me a "Piece of S**T"! All b/c I voiced to her how I felt about the situation and was being honest......She even said that they were dishonored in their home by us!! It was as if they thought they were a step above us in their own minds! Her mother then attempts to give me an apology on my voicemail a few days later, but I can tell it wasnt sincere.
I was very conflicted, but ultimately I chose not to return the mother's phone call b/c of the state of mind I was still in that week in the aftermath of what she said. I was still furious and would've exploded in response to the things she said....however, like I said, a sincere apology from my fiance' would've made me drop the issue at the time and resolve this as best we could. It would've shown that they have some sort of respect for me and my family at least. The apology never came! In fact we went weeks w/out even speaking to each other...I wanted an apology from her all that time and she wanted one from me 1st! It was a case of 2 stubborn people butting heads and waiting for the other one to make the 1st move. During that time, my birthday came and as a test, I wanted to see if she would at least contact me to say Happy BDay regardless of what was happening b/ween us. She didnt even acknoledge or call at all for my BDay. I started getting the impressing that maybe her Mom was turning her daughter against me now. I tried to finally send an email expressing how I felt and that I would like to speak to her...Didn't get a response from that either....Finally she called we a couple weeks later on a Sunday and said for us to get together and talk. When I met up w/ her and finally spoke after about 6-7 weeks, that girl was not the same girl that I had gotten engaged to and fell in love w/ the previous year. Instead of the bright, sharp, fun-loving girl i had fell in love w/, she was very snippy, nasty, disrespectful, not interested in hearing my point of view or what i had to say at all. Seemed like a different girl that was brainwashed by her Mom for the last few weeks and her Mom probably came up w/ so many reasons how this is ALL me and my family's fault, etc. That was one of the last times I saw or spoke to her.
Maybe about a couple months later, I hear that she started dating somebody around late summer '09, a cousin of a co-worker of hers. It seems that she was so upset that her co-worker fixed her up w/ her cousin to help get her mind off me since she was on the rebound. me on the other hand, I took some valuable time to myself and tried to work on me before I thought about dating someone else again. I mostly tried to work on my financial problems and my confidence, which just took a hard hit just a few months earlier. However, I heard about her dating this new person and it just enraged me!! I wanted to bump into these two together one night and knock this guy out cold right in front of her, that's how furious I was.... How could she find a replacement for me so relatively quickly?? and Did I drive this girl straight into this guys arms?? Is the only reason this guy had a chance w/ my ex-fiance is b/c things didnt work out w/ us to begin w/?? To enrage me more, I hear this guy is pre-med, meaning he will eventually be a Dr. and probably be making some good $$. I guess how convenient for her and her family!!! I guess the money situation w/ me was too much of a gamble b/c there were a lot of question marks....But w/ Mr. Pre-Med it is a virtual sure thing that he will have some good $$ in the near future. I felt a bit hurt & betrayed after finding that fact out to be truthful w/ you. After finding that out, and after a last attempt at sending a nice bouquet of Autumn colored flowers for her and even an Im sorry note attached w/ it forher BDay in Sept. and no response back at all, not even a negative one(again probably her Mom's doing)....
I finally took my friends advice to try to forget her and move on once and for all and start getting in the dating mix again. So I have tried to forget about her and I briefly dated a couple girls over the last year, but nothing very serious and I find myself comparing each person I'm w/ to my ex-fiancee' seeing how they measure up and in what ways do they exceed her, etc. It seems no matter what, underneath it all, after everything and all the negative feedback i've gotten from her over the last year since we broke up, and the things her Mother did & said and her interference w/ our relationship and all & that I still love this girl and KNOWS there's a chance to patch things up w/ her and WIN her back and get things back to the way they were when we were at our peak! I still feel passion and fire for her a year later and I need to know how to get her back from this other relationship she's developed w/ this M.D. to be! I can't let this guy win! I'm a very competitive person by nature so that probably has a lot to do why I'm viewing this as a challenge, but bottom line is He has what was once mine and I want her back! Sometimes you dont realize what you have untill it's gone! Love is really worth fighting for and in this case, I have no choice!! I'm about to loose her forever if I don't act now! The question is....after knowing the history and the facts of the situation, where do I start in trying to get her back?? I havent had a conversation w/ he for over a year and I have been getting nothing but a cold shut out from her in the last year since we split up.....If I cant get her back, at the very least I want proper closure and to be able to be civil w/ her and part as friends...Can that even be possible at this point?? What I really need to know is...IS THERE ANY CHANCE TO PATCH THIS UP EVEN AFTER ALL THIS TIME AND EVEN IF SHE'S BEEN DATING SOMEONE ELSE FOR THE LAST YEAR??? IF SO.....WHERE DO I START????? HOW DO I IT?? I'VE PRETTY MUCH LOST CONTACT W/ HER AT THIS POINT....She is no longer w/ the same company anymore.....All i have is an old phone number, email address that I'm gonna assume that she still has, but if she doesn't, then all I got is her old house address which I'm gonna assume she still lives at.... Please help.....I Need to get my past love back or esle I'll regret it for the rest of my life! I know the deck seemed stacked against me, but somehow I feel I can overcome these odds. I know there's a way to get through to her....it's just a question of HOW????????????? Thanks