sweet/thoughtful text messages

[Always_Learning]

i'll try to make this as vanilla as possible and to the point, as i can be a wordy guy. as such, i like to express and communicate my feelings. my girlfriend does sometimes, but not as much as i. i'm 36, she is 35. been dating 14 months now and have been through some issues not worth mentioning at this time. we're still seemingly very committed to each other. i def know she loves me, and i sure love her undoubtedly. here is the white/black issue, then i'll give details. "she doesn't text me like she used to." her patterns have changed. granted, we went through some stuff, but. she also did start a new job in september as well. however, i'm a HUGE believer in not having time is an excuse. my father was a surgeon with a very demanding schedule and he made time to call us to let us know he cared in the past.

from the time i wake in the am, i wake with a smile and a feeling of appreciation to have my gf in my life. most often i'll text her first when i wake up and wish her a good day, tell her i love her etc. etc. we don't live together by the way, and she always wakes up much earlier than i. but it only takes a min to send a sweet text letting them know you're thinking about them and or love them.

during the day, same story. we both have busy career, hers more so than mine, but again, just takes a minute. she will text me sometimes, but it really bothers me when she doesn't.

it's also worse when she gets off work for the day. now i'm not saying i need to hear a text every time she is free, but at least once during the day or afternoon. it's these sweet texts that keep me upbeat and motivated during the day. my mind just torments myself on the days when i know she is off work at 3:30, and i'm stuck at work till 6pm and i don't get any sort of "thinking of you etc." type text messages......is that so wrong to feel that way or expect the same in return?

let me throw out a disclaimer before you graciously reply. i do trust her and don't believe there is anyone else involved here at all. i think i just feel vulnerable in that i feel i'm giving more and possibly getting less. don't think this would have been as big of an issue had her texting habits not changed a little.

thanks for reading and providing your thoughts.

Al

[Legato]

Sorry I'm not a girl answering this but I feel like we are in similar situations. We were together for about 14 months (or would have been if we didn't break up) but for the last 5 months or so I started noticing the same things you did. What was happening is that she basically losing interest. Not saying this is your case but I wish I would have done something about it. It's good that you're looking for help before it ends. All I can say is to try not to read too much in to it. Don't start nagging and smothering her. If it's really bothering you then you need to talk to her about it.

This doesn't seem like that big of a deal though if it's only texting. Just try to spice things a bit in your life. Go on a romantic date and have some fun. She may be just getting bored of her life right now.

I understand that you want to be respected and a little care from her is all you need. Don't lose your self respect though. You need to be the man in the relationship. A mistake I made.

[Always_Learning]

thx for the response. in ways, i'm the more emotional, caring and communicative(female) person in the relationship, she is the more withdrawn, less communicative(male) person. however, i'm very stubborn and strong. not that this should matter, but i also have a much higher level of education than her, so i feel we balance out somewhat. but i TOTALLY agree with you on one thing.....


no matter how flustered, frustrated and how bad i've been yearning for answers, smothering them is a one way ticket out of the relationship. i believed i learned this before it's too late. but at the same time, the man in me wanted to let her know how i felt and where i stood in hopes we'd grow together, rather than have her retreat. once i realized i ws pushing her away, i regrouped and have been taking another approach, EVEN though it practically KILLS me to keep my mouth shut sometimes when something is driving me nuts.

thx for your reply again.

i wonder how many guys vs. gals read the "ask a girl" column. seems more guys than gals. either way, great venue to vent and learn!

[Legato]

Well I just get bored and see if I can relate to anything on this forum. I can sometimes like this situation. My ex gf was my first long term relationship but not hers. I let her pretty much make the decisions in our relationship. She told me that she was not in love with me anymore and there was no way to get it back and I believed her but I now know that I am wrong. That was about 6 months ago. We still saw each other a lot then one day last month I suggested the idea of getting back together and she said she thought we should move on. So that's where I'm at now.

Don't let her control the relationship. I have heard time and time again..."He who cares the least, has the most control." It's very hard not to care though. Keep it up man, I hope the best for you.

[Always_Learning]

Funny you say that. There was def a point in the relationship where I came across as caring less. And guess what? That's when she seemed to be more responsive and share more. But to me, if I'm not living in the relationship like I want to and giving from my heart, it seems fabricated and takes away from it. Or in other words, if I pull back and pretend not to care as much, I eventually end up not caring ad much. Kind of defeats the purpose of being in a good and healthy relationship to begin with....but i hear ya. Just too bad it's that way more often tan not.

[Legato]

yeh great pont. What is a "healthy relationship" anyway? Some people must have them.

[damn2010]

I'm a guy replying to this as well.

Take the gas back, I'm a very similar type of guy to you as I am communicative and sometimes expect the same response and reaction out of the women I've been with. I got them out of one, but the tendency to get it out of others is not much. Remember when you "smother" a girl you can NEVER take that time back from her...but if you don't, you can always add more.

It might pain you and hurt you, but cut down on the communication ties...the good morning texts and the daily texts, and see what happens. Perhaps find an additional hobby to occupy your time so you're not so focused on this girl. Don't put her as your main focus until she is your wife!

A good book that advises you about loving yourself and finding happiness in yourself so you can love others is "The Mastery of Love" by don Miguel Ruiz (sp?). It might help change your thinking so you can better understand yourself and others...especially her.