Will this way of thinking work for me?

[JYH]

I've never had a girlfriend before and I recently gave up on liking a girl I've liked for an extremely long time. I guess I never got her cause I'm the "nice guy" with all of the girls I'm friends with. Anyway I was venting to one of my close friends and we started talking about how I can improve in some areas, what she likes in a guy etc. She suggested that it would be best for me if I stopped beating myself up and trying so hard and to just make friends with a ton of girls and try to have fun, be nice but not super super nice like how I've been, and see what happens. I guess the point she was trying to make was to just have fun and have no expectations so I don't kill myself over all of this.

Im just kind of questioning it because I'm not very good when it comes to meeting people (I only have about 5 friends that are girls and I've known them for an extremely long time). I also noticed when she told me about one of the new guys she met in college, he was saying things to her that I wouldn't even think of saying til I've known the girl for months, and it works... and I think its a problem that I can't do that. I try not to think about it but its pretty depressing walking to class and every 5 seconds I see a cute couple and its like they are all taunting me lol.

Sorry for the wall of text, after re-reading that I realize I'm just venting and didn't even ask a question. So I guess I'm just looking for advice or insight on how to do what she says I should do, and I guess how to flirt... I've heard that I'm extremely sarcastic and sometimes pretty funny with the teasing and stuff, but for some reason I just can't do it with any new girl I meet until its too late and I don't know why. So yeah any advice would be appreciated, thanks.

[Poetic_Partner]

"...She suggested that it would be best for me if I stopped beating myself up and trying so hard and to just make friends with a ton of girls and try to have fun, be nice but not super super nice like how I've been, and see what happens...."

Well, IMHO she's dead-on here. Solid advice.

Nothing more for me to add.

-PP

[Applesauce]

this is a good place to start

[url]http://www.loveforum.net/love-advice-forum/47332-how-get-girls.html[/url]

[YouAreBeautiful]

I think this "niceness" you are talking about is confused with a lack of aggressive action. If so I am going to agree with you. Be a little more aggressive in your language, a little more flirtatious to avoid being friend zoned =)

[JYH]

I think so too, but it also includes just doing pretty much anything for them... I can't really say no to girls, when I should be saying that like everytime lol -.- I really don't know why I can't just tease or be sarcastic and funny like how I am normally, when I meet girls. It feels like I need to win their friend-approval or something and I don't start to do it til months in which is way too late.

[MerryH]

Being strictly friends for a while with a girl you're interested in is basically the worst way to go.

Think of it this way, you meet a girl and you want to date her, but you gain her friendship first with the intention of asking her out eventually. This is pretty dishonest and fake. To be on the receiving end of this feels sort of like a betrayal. The girl might think, "That whole time he was just pretending to be my friend when he really wanted to get into my pants? Damn it." So work on being more comfortable with new people, being yourself, and making your intentions pretty clear early on.

Have you gotten a haircut yet.