To ask or not to ask?

[chloy89]

I've developed a crush on this guy who comes into my work. I see him about once a week and I always help him whenever I'm there. One of my coworkers let it slip to the guy that I think he's cute awhile ago and I've been hellbent on trying to hang out outside of the workplace. He seems interested (but then again, I'm not completely sure. He could just be a friendly guy). We had some pretty good conversations, getting to know each other type deal. I'm pretty outgoing and talk to everybody but I get pretty shy when it comes to talking to the guy I like (I get so annoyed at myself).

Well, it gets slightly complicated. About two weeks ago, I was robbed at work (everyone was okay! lol). It was my first day back from work after the incident and I was very distracted and def not in the mood to flirt or anything. Well, as luck would have it my crush came into my work. Normally I would be very cheerful etc etc ( He was aware of the fact of what had happened). I knew he wanted to talk more that day but I cut the conversation short. I felt bad about it but brushed it off. A couple of days later he came in. I was in much better moods but during the whole convo, I got this vibe that he was stand off-ish. I felt like I was prying/bothering him with all these questions so I let it go, feeling like I failed to "redeem" myself. Today he came in, it was a little awkward. I didn't say anything for the first few seconds, waiting for him to say something. No response. So I eventually said something first and then the conversation started to pick up.

I'm so confused and questioning whether or not I should still ask him to hang out. I'm a little worried that maybe how I acted that day made him think I was uninterested or something. But then he seemed fine when I talked to him today. So confused! I really like this guy and really want to ask him out. Given the situation, I feel like I should be the one making the move. I have no problem making the first move even though I am shy. Haha.

That was the background story (sorry it was so long!). My question is whether I should still go for it and ask him to hang out. Or even, if it's just better to give him my number. But how does a girl just give out her number even if the guy doesn't ask? Also, I'm a bit clueless asking out guys. Never done it in my life. I don't want to scare him away or come off as being desperate. If you have any pointers, that would awesome! Thanks in advance!

[StillInShock]

I think you should be confident and just ask him to hang out. He'll appreciate it, as long as you don't come on too strongly.

[Poetic_Partner]

I wouldn't read too much into the conversations cut short.

Being robbed is extreme, but everyone has days they just don't feel like talking. If he doesn't get that he'll have a difficult time dating. Likely he just thought "Wonder what her deal was?! Oh well, probably just having a bad day."

The next time you saw him, maybe he was having a bad day.

The two incidents may be related but probably are not - you can't tell just yet.

I would say to ask him out in a cool and casual manner. Be careful about work policies though - we wouldn't want you getting in trouble over it. You say you've had good conversations - have you asked what he does in his spare time? That could be an entry point. Or, you could just ask:
Q: "So, you got plans for tonight?"
A1: "Nope - was just going to go home and watch TV." "Well, if you're interested, I wouldn't mind going out or coffee."
A2: "Yea - I'm going out with friends." "Oh - I was going to see if you wanted to get together."
A3: "Yea - taking my girlfriend out to dinner." "Lucky her! Well, you two have fun."

You get the idea.

-PP

[Boisdevie]

Ask him out for a coffee, a drink, a walk, anything. My current GF asked me out and I felt great. Hopefully if you do the same this guy will be impressed. Life is too short for bullshit and missed opportunities so go for it - and good luck

[chloy89]

Okay, so the plan is to be super casual about it.

I was thinking about just giving out my number so we could be talking outside of work. It would be easier than asking him "out of the blue" to hang out, right?
Or should I just go for it and then give him my number then and there.

Thanks again!

[Poetic_Partner]

It may be better for you to ask for his number.

If you give your then you're sitting there waiting. If he calls soon, then great. But if he's not interested vs if he's super-busy vs he's super-nervous - you wouldn't know the difference but it would just sit there.

Not horrible to give him your number, but does come with pitfalls.

If both of you are active on FaceBook, asking for his FB name may be a low-risk way of getting for his contact info. Then message him "Doing anything tomorrow night?".

Just a couple thoughts.

-PP

[chloy89]

Hm... you make a very valid point. I guess the best thing to do is ask him to hang out. It's a waiting game either way. I don't want to ask him out too early because we haven't had much interaction since that day. Wish me luck!