Girlfriend sick but won't do anything

[FthkuMan]

Hello.
Sorry if this is long and unclear, I wrote this at a time of anger.

First of all, I'd like to say first that my girlfriend and I love each other very much, have been together for years and normally very happy together.
We have been long distance throughout our relationship, which was made even harder by the fact I served 3 years in the army, but nonetheless we still made it.
Around a year or so ago, at the age of 21, she was diagnosed with gallbladder failure (not gallstones), and was told she would need to have a surgery to have her gallbladder removed.
Her family is poor, and cannot afford to fully fund a surgery themselves, and so here is the tricky part – She has no social security number. No one knows why, her parents applied for it twice after she was born, but they never got it, or something, I'm really not sure on those details. They have been trying to get her a number now, without much luck, as the people at the social security demand a documented proof of existence in the US for every year of her life, since she has passed the age of 18- Something which they can't provide. Apparently not even her birth certificate is good enough for some reason.
Her situation is absolutely ridiculous; she is 22 and has never even had a pelvic exam.
She has had several issues with her teeth and still does, and in numerous other places but she doesn't go because they can't afford it, and she doesn't have the Social Security to apply for any health care program.
They just don't seem to care about, what seem to me, as very basic elementary things that human beings should.
This part was to explain her situation, please do not reply to this, unless you have actual advice on what can be done about it. Please don't comment on how irresponsible her parents were for never getting her a number, I know they were and I am mad at the whole situation myself, very mad.
My point is this – she, and her family have barely done anything about this. Basically, she tried a couple of times, WITHIN this entire year that she had known, to sort things out with the social security. Every time she and her family tried and failed, she just stopped there, ignored it for a few months or so and tried again, after *I* would tell her to get on her ass and do something about it already.
Medicare-wise and Indigent health care doesn't work; she has to have an SS number.
I finally got her to go to Indigent health care a few weeks ago, at that time we thought she doesn't need to have an SS number. Afterwards when she got home, she was pissed off, and told me she can't apply there either (BTW, they had told her that what the SS office is telling her sounds like BS). I then told her that I know it's disappointing, but she can't just leave it alone now for months like she did (I wasn't angry when I said it, I was trying to be as understanding and as kind as I could be). She got mad at me, told me she just can't deal with it right now (Which really made mad, that's honestly acting like a spoiled baby). We made up after she cooled down and she said she'll take care of it. A few weeks have passed now and neither she nor her family has done anything about it.
She claims it's because of travelling time and that her dad can't get off work- Which isn't true. They are poor, and they really do need every bit of money. But seeing how as her grandparents from her dads' side are rich, and her grandparents from her mom's side are the ones EMPLOYING her dad, this doesn't seem reasonable. Especially when her dad took a COUPLE of days off, just to go to a wedding, and he also goes hunting on the weekends. I tell her to call the Social Security guys, hospitals, whoever she can and needs to, but she insists on the fact that it won't do any good, and that they have to actually drive there.
She has had multiple health issues since the gallbladder failure is affecting her everywhere. She is always in pain and she has to take around 6 pills every day!
I have tried talking to her a lot of times, most times she doesn't get mad at me, and says "You're right, I'll talk to my mom and we'll see what to do" but nothing ever gets done.
Their family's Xbox broke a week or so ago, and she has been more on top of that than she has been for her surgery this entire year- making phone calls, talking to this and that, sending emails.

Honestly, I don't even want to hear her complaining that she's hurting sometimes. She does absolutely nothing to help herself, and her family, while they're not abusive or anything and seemingly good parents- they don't really do anything either.
I just don't know what to do anymore.
Understand that the advice I'm looking for here is more in regards to how I should talk to her, what should I do regarding our relationship together, and less about the medical and social security side- of course advice is always welcome.
Also, in your opinion, would a DNA test be of any help? Seeing as her entire family (Parents, 2 sisters and a brother) have an SS number except her. (They didn't immigrate, they're all born Americans)

Thank you for your replies in advance, and again, I'm sorry this thread is all over the place.

[MerryH]

I can understand why it upsets you, but you're coming off as very controlling and invasive. Health issues are a personal thing, and they're her responsibility, not yours. You're pressuring her to get all this stuff done when it's basically none of your business. It is especially not your business what the rest of her family does with their money or spare time, and it's irrelevant anyway. If she doesn't want to do anything constructive, you can't force her to. (You also don't have to be stuck with the type of person who doesn't care about their own life - breaking up with her could be an option.)

It's natural to want to help someone you love take care of themselves, but there comes a point where you have to wash your hands of it if they aren't making attempts. But it doesn't even seem like you try to be all that helpful. You just badger her about doing something without offering specific avenues. Have you ever researched how one goes about getting a social security number, for example?

[sweetkissesforu]

Your gf seems very immature its not up to mom and dad to be taking care of this if she does not take care of this think of your future how responsible will she be for other stuff if she wont look after her health

[sweetkissesforu]

I can understand why it upsets you, but you're coming off as very controlling and invasive. Health issues are a personal thing, and they're her responsibility, not yours. You're pressuring her to get all this stuff done when it's basically none of your business. It is especially not your business what the rest of her family does with their money or spare time, and it's irrelevant anyway. If she doesn't want to do anything constructive, you can't force her to. (You also don't have to be stuck with the type of person who doesn't care about their own life - breaking up with her could be an option.)

It's natural to want to help someone you love take care of themselves, but there comes a point where you have to wash your hands of it if they aren't making attempts. But it doesn't even seem like you try to be all that helpful. You just badger her about doing something without offering specific avenues. Have you ever researched how one goes about getting a social security number, for example?

The gf is immature he is only trying to push to get this done what if she was pregnant then what

[MerryH]

The gf is immature he is only trying to push to get this done what if she was pregnant then what

What? Why are you quoting me? Are you attempting to argue a point I made? Nobody said anything about a pregnancy except you.

[FthkuMan]

I can understand why it upsets you, but you're coming off as very controlling and invasive. Health issues are a personal thing, and they're her responsibility, not yours. You're pressuring her to get all this stuff done when it's basically none of your business. It is especially not your business what the rest of her family does with their money or spare time, and it's irrelevant anyway. If she doesn't want to do anything constructive, you can't force her to. (You also don't have to be stuck with the type of person who doesn't care about their own life - breaking up with her could be an option.)

It's natural to want to help someone you love take care of themselves, but there comes a point where you have to wash your hands of it if they aren't making attempts. But it doesn't even seem like you try to be all that helpful. You just badger her about doing something without offering specific avenues. Have you ever researched how one goes about getting a social security number, for example?

Hello.
First of all thank you for your reply.
Second of all, I don't understand how it is controlling and invasive to worry for my girlfriend's well being.
At the state she is in now, her gallbladder could erupt at any given moment. It is not my business what her family does with their money or spare time, but I can't help feeling a little angry seeing as she's dependant on them for driving out to places and instead of taking her to sort this out her dad goes hunting or to other places. I don't tell them what to do, I keep it to myself, I'm entitled to an opinion, aren't I?
As for your other point - I have tried to help in any way I can, but there is only so much I can, seeing as I'm not American. (we're in a long distance relationship and we'll only see each other in a little while, which makes things harder) I have posted on legal forums and I have looked up ways to somehow maybe get health care without social security, but so far I've got nothing.
sweetkissesforu - She has to depend on her parents, without a social security she can't get her own job, driving license, apartment etc.

[Petit Papillon]

What is exactly her disease ? And well ,seems serious anyway. I would be concerned too. Her parents are really irresponsible. If she never had a SS number, does it mean she never went to a doctor? Never got a vaccine against anything ? Wow. Luckily she has just this.
Well you could give her ultimatum. Saying you really can't do nothing more than to convince her to do something for her own health. Tell her you don't say all that stuff just to annoy her, tell her that you love her and you're afraid she's going to get really sick or even die. Say that you're thinking about it all the time and you're worrying about her and it's just her fault.Tell her, if she won't finally do it , you will break up with her because you can't put up with a shit like this and you aren't able to understand how someone can be so ignorant about their own well being .
I have no other advice than this. I do think she and her parents are extremely unresponsible. I would even call her parents idiots who shouldn't have kids. I don't understand how you can't be motivated enough to provide your child with such a basic thing like SS number.

[MerryH]

I don't understand how it is controlling and invasive to worry for my girlfriend's well being.

It's not controlling and invasive to simply care about her well-being, it's just when you say things like "after *I* would tell her to get on her ass and do something about it already," it sounds controlling (also, look at how much text you devoted to attempt control over the types of responses you'd get here.) It's something to think about, because if you just let go of trying to do something about her personal issues, you'd probably feel much better.

And, sorry to go here, but a lot of this SS number stuff sounds like bullshit to me. It just doesn't make sense that a 22 year old doesn't have an SSN and can't get one. Why can't she prove she's been living in the US for the past four years? She hasn't been going to school or working? I guess not, if she can't really even prove that she exists. What the hell does she do with herself? What does she plan to do with herself? If everything she's told you is the truth, then she's a person with some pretty severe issues who probably wouldn't make an ideal partner, but like I said, this just reeks of bullshit to me. I mean, you've never met her, right? You really shouldn't blindly trust everything a stranger tells you.

[FthkuMan]

It's not controlling and invasive to simply care about her well-being, it's just when you say things like "after *I* would tell her to get on her ass and do something about it already," it sounds controlling (also, look at how much text you devoted to attempt control over the types of responses you'd get here.) It's something to think about, because if you just let go of trying to do something about her personal issues, you'd probably feel much better.

And, sorry to go here, but a lot of this SS number stuff sounds like bullshit to me. It just doesn't make sense that a 22 year old doesn't have an SSN and can't get one. Why can't she prove she's been living in the US for the past four years? She hasn't been going to school or working? I guess not, if she can't really even prove that she exists. What the hell does she do with herself? What does she plan to do with herself? If everything she's told you is the truth, then she's a person with some pretty severe issues who probably wouldn't make an ideal partner, but like I said, this just reeks of bullshit to me. I mean, you've never met her, right? You really shouldn't blindly trust everything a stranger tells you.

Just because it is a long-distance relationship doesn't mean I've never met her. That's one.
The reason I emphasized she'd only do something after I told her wasn't to show how awesome and controlling I am, it was to show how much she isn't taking care of her own self.
Also I didn't "devote" my time to control the responses, I just wanted to mention that I'm more looking for advice in relationship-wise terms, less on the more practical sides of this story.
I had asked on several forums, legal and health ones, and they haven't been much help. I figured a relationship forum wouldn't be of much help in that deparment either.
And yes, I know the story seems weird, but it is true. No, she didn't go to school, she left when she was 12. She was "homeschooled", although never really homeschooled, just as her sister is now- she's 12 years old, doesn't go to school and is supposedly "homeschooled" but practically not.
As for the doctor, she has been going to the doctor, they payed in cash. Her family never got any sort of health insurance, not Medicaid or Medicare even.
The same questions you asked me here, are the ones I asked her. What does she wanna do, doesn't she think about her future, all that you asked and more.
She is from Texas, and her family as a whole seem.. well, words I don't wanna use. I like them, as I would like friends, but in terms of responsibility- I just can't stand them.

Again, thank you all for your replies.

[RdHrshyKss]

sounds like this girl (and her family) is a lost cause. they will only bring stress to your life. move onto someone else. some other hillbilly would be a better match for her.

[MerryH]

Just because it is a long-distance relationship doesn't mean I've never met her.

You're right. It was wrong of me to assume that you had never met her. I apologize for that. But, is it fair to say that you haven't spent much time with her in person, and for long periods of time? Even if you have and it's been a long time since you've seen her, people change a lot during that age. I just think your bullshit meter should be going off. Whatever, it's kind of beside the point anyway.

but in terms of responsibility- I just can't stand them.

She's been a legal adult for four years now, it's no longer her family's fault that she's irresponsible. If you can't stand them, you shouldn't stand her either because she's exactly like them. And there's nothing you can do to change her if she doesn't want to change.

[sweetkissesforu]

I agrred with u dont be so intense