feeling sad and dont know what to do???

[joanne10]

Ive have been split for my boyfriend now for just over a year. We split because i didnt trust him and at times he was aggressive and abusive. Last year i found out he had been chatting with some girl he met at work and doing favours for her and i just didnt believe what he was telling me. I have had so many problems with him and other woman before during our relationship, people that he had met online and in the street or out clubbing so i just thought that this girl was just another one but he kept telling me that she was just a friend.
I started to get really angry over this on the phone to him and we were arguing and i refused to go and see him thats when he came out and threatend me. I was so shook up about it that i had to go and report it to the police and they put me in a hostel over it but like a fool i stayed in contact with him still because i still loved him.
He told me that i had over reacted about this and there was no need to call the police because he just said it through anger because i was being nasty to him and i started to think to myself that maybe i had over reacted about it but it wasnt the first time that he had threatend me that and in the past he has done some very unnormal things to me so i did have some fear in me.
Its been nearly a year now as i said but im still really into the guy we still talk on the phone alot and we do get on but then he wants us to meet up and then i think of everything i have been through with him tis last 5 years and just think i cant do it. All my family and friends are telling me not to go back and i know that if i do go back after a matter of time something will go on again but i really love him and this is the only guy i have ever felt this way for. He has also been good to me too and we do have good times together too but its just his womanising ways and the aggresion that i cant deal with and since the first time he was aggressive with me i have feared him. I try to tell him all this but he puts the way he acts as my fault and doesnt see he does anything wrong i dont know what to do im so miserable and finding it hard to move on pls help

[dan2k7]

Hi Joanne I hope that you will be feeling better soon, it is horrible being in limbo about someone you love and not knowing whether you are on or off but only you can make your mind up. Being afraid of him is not a good start, if he truly has aggression issues he needs to resolve them first instead of simply blaming you for provoking him. Secondly you say that it will only be a matter of time before something goes on again. In this case I know its hard but listen to your head over your heart. If serious trouble is inevitable why put yourself through it.

[RockNRoll]

If you feel like you can't do it, which you said, then you should not do it. And I think you'd better move on and stay away from him. You don't owe him anything, don't let him to talk you into it.

[crazygirl]

It will be more difficult to move on if you keep in contact with him. If you can not be with him then you need to break it off completely.

[reeba]

your friends know you and the situation better than we do. listen to them. they have your best interest in mind.

are you asking us hoping we have different advice? no one has said anything different than what your friends have said.

breaking up sucks. but breaking up means stopping contact unless you honestly (and this happens rarely, most girls want to be friends because they are still grasping at the relationship, and guys because they are still grasping at sex) you actually want to be friends with him. do you really want to be friends with a guy you are physically scared of, cheats, lies, etc? i wouldn't say that meets a definition of a potential good friend.

[Liam_680]

your family and friends love you and would only want to see you happy. you sometimes consider their opinion as they may be seeing something that you are not.

[Confused81]

You need to cut him off. You can never be truely happy and move on unless you cut him off.

I know the type of guy you are describing and he will emotionally blackmail you until you get back together, things may be really good for a month or so and then it'll go back to hom it used to be. Generally the abuse starts off as verbal abuse but the more and more you go back it starts getting physical as well. It is a never ended circle that you need to get out of and get as far away as possible from.

You will feel alot better soon enough, but to feel better YOU NEED TO STOP TALKING TO HIM!!!

Get him out of your life once and for all, your friends and family will be there to help and support you.

Good luck :o)

[sweetkissesforu]

Hi Joanne I hope that you will be feeling better soon, it is horrible being in limbo about someone you love and not knowing whether you are on or off but only you can make your mind up. Being afraid of him is not a good start, if he truly has aggression issues he needs to resolve them first instead of simply blaming you for provoking him. Secondly you say that it will only be a matter of time before something goes on again. In this case I know its hard but listen to your head over your heart. If serious trouble is inevitable why put yourself through it.

I agree abuser start with threats then that dont work dont go back run run run been there done that trust me

[sarahprincess]

He wont change. He will get worse. Your family knows.. They want the best for you. Its nice to be on the outside and be able to look in. I had the same issue with my ex. You really just have to move on, you will find someone better, you just HAVE to be patient.