I have been dating my girlfriend for 6 months. She has told me she thinks she wants to marry me eventually, that I am perfect for her. She also has some depression occasionally where she thinks pretty irrationally for short periods of time. That is the back story.
I have been out of work for over a month and started a new temp job on Tuesday which I am very lucky to have. It is just a early morning (2 am early) stocking job at a retail store.
OK, so her and I had plans on Monday. She bailed to do something with a friend. A bit of a bummer but not that big of a deal I don't dwell on that stuff cause it's rare and stuff happens.
The next day, tuesday, she said she wanted to do something. I said, I would love to but I don't know how long I would be in orientation and since the very next day I had to get up at 1:30 am I need to sleep early, so I can't say for sure yes or no. While I am in this orientation she plans out all these things she wants to do. The orientation goes twice as long as I would have guessed. Til' 8 PM which is past when I wanted to stay up. I told her I was sorry but it was too late we should do it the next night. I needed to go home and go to bed. What happened next stunned me, I never would have thought she was capable of saying anything like this.
She got very upset and said "Well, if you don't want to be with me, I think I am going to go out to a party"
I said "It's not that don't want to be with you, babe, I just need to get more than 3 hours of sleep before my first day of work, I'm sorry, you never told me you had anything planned for us to do tonight until now. That's fun your going to a party, where is it?"
She said, "It's just a party downtown, at the bar, maybe I'll just go and have fun and drink" and she hung up. Confused, I tried calling her back and asking if she just meant by herself.
She said "I look adorable right now and I am feeling very sexy and adventurous but since you don't want to be with me, maybe there will be someone who does think I look cute and wants to be with me"
I said " You mean like another guy?"
She said "Yeah" very frankly.
I said "I want to be with you, I can come see you if you need me."
She said "No, your sleep is more important than me, apparently" and hung up.
I tried calling her back a few times, she finally answers and says "What"
I start trying to talk to her and she says "My co-worker Colby is on the other line, I am going to have to call you back"
She calls me back a few minutes later crying and saying she is so sorry, she doesn't know why she said that, she didn't really mean it, she knows sleep is important and that my job is important. I told her what she said hurt.
She said "I'm so sorry, I was being very selfish, and overly emotional and irrational, please forgive me"
Then she said "You know I would never do anything like that. I wasn't really going to do something with him"
I said, "Him?"
She said "I mean, him as in some other guy, not anyone in particular."
That sounded fishy, as if she already had someone in mind. Then she said I should go to bed and I did, sort of, I didn't sleep
This has been eating me up ever since. I tried discussing it with her and she says she is so so sorry, but I should not be worried and that she apologized, she said she said it at an abnormally emotional time, I just need to forget it and move on.
I am afraid the next time I am not able to drop my previous plans to make way for her plans she will actually do something and I will be much more hurt.
That's my spill, sorry it's long. I just feel lost, I believe in forgiving and that you should not hold things against people to hard, I have put behind many thing she has said that are not so nice that she has said during these emotional times, but this just seems like sticking with it means I will be hurt in the end. Thanks to anyone who reads and comments.