Dating etiquette

[girl68]

LOL getting hit on and dating is totatlly different. I just disagree with everything you said. Not becasue you're wrong it is simply a difference in dating opinion. I am not instesrested in a man who dates around. When he finds me he should see it through before moving on. I provide the same courtesy. Yes I may have had a date with one guy, set up one with another a week later and then dated guy number one the following week. By date 2 I'll know if I'm intrested in either of them. At that point I choose to date 1 or 2 not both moving forward. Am I wrong? No, you just disagree.

And I disagree 150% 3 weeks is too early to talk exclusive.
And yes, a man who wants to date multiple chicks I deem a player- and I'm not interested. I'm allowed to hold that opinon.
And no matter what just because I get to decide to do with the infomation (like you telling me you're dating other chicks) doesn't mean it's acceptable to lie about it.

[TomerT]

WOW, I didn't expect it to be so hot polemic...Thank you all...
Some clarifications - when I say 3 weeks..it's not like we see each other every day..
mostly on weekends and during the week occasionally talk on the phone/sms....

And yes, a man who wants to date multiple chicks I deem a player- and I'm not interested.

Why wouldn't you be interested ? I think you should be happy and confident that if eventually he chose you
he really made a deliberated decision...If you don't let your future partner a choice at the beginning - after some time, he can start questioning himself whether he did a right choice back than...
Don't you agree ?

Please notice - with thus 3 weeks girl, we have not been intimate or even naked...just very close...Also just two weeks ago she was on a date and I actually was happy for her...
and for me now, cause I know that she prefers to be with me and not with this other guy....

And I disagree 150% 3 weeks is too early to talk exclusive.

I think there is nothing wrong to simultaneously date multiple people for the first few weeks...or until sex involved...
The problem is not to hurt other person and to loose her because of her "ego"...

And no matter what just because I get to decide to do with the infomation (like you telling me you're dating other chicks) doesn't mean it's acceptable to lie about it.

Looking in the long term (say year or two): Wouldn't be a shame to loose something good cause of some innocent drink with other girl (now) ?

[Gratedwasabi]

I would just like to note that the argument "but if the guy picks YOU after dating other women, that's really special" is a huge load of BS. Hahaha. I did laugh, though.

If you know she went on a date with a guy while you were dating, why are you thinking of hiding this date?

Just ask her if she's okay with it. "Hey, this girl asked me out but I'm not sure how I feel about it. Would you be okay with it if I went out for drinks with her?"

If she says no, I don't like that then you ask if that means she wants to be exclusively dating.

If she says she's okay with it, well, she might not be but she didn't stop you so go for it.

Hiding things and being ambiguous about your dating situation isn't going to clarify anything. It seems like an opportunity to find out where you stand with her and what she's looking for with you. I'd take advantage of it rather then being sneaky and unsure.

[girl68]

Some clarifications - when I say 3 weeks..it's not like we see each other every day..
mostly on weekends and during the week occasionally talk on the phone/sms....

To me, that's more than enough if even you're not doing the everday thing. You're entitled to your own view, however in my eyes 3 weeks is plently long enough to know if you like me enough to date me, only me. Don't mean I need to go home and meet your parents just means I feel that that's long enough to know.

Why wouldn't you be interested ? I think you should be happy and confident that if eventually he chose you
he really made a deliberated decision...If you don't let your future partner a choice at the beginning - after some time, he can start questioning himself whether he did a right choice back than...
Don't you agree ?

Frankly no. If another lady hits up the man I'm seeing after 3 weeks and he decides to date her it means he didn't pick me, it means he didn't pick her. To me, I find that to be a big difference. And I'm not willing to sit around and *wait* for him to possibly choose the other chick. My partner CHOOSE me, and he didn't leave his options open once he set his sights on me. Note: he is free to leave/ date at any time (unless he's comitted). At that point the choice is mine if I will put up with it.

Also just two weeks ago she was on a date and I actually was happy for her...
and for me now, cause I know that she prefers to be with me and not with this other guy....

I think there is nothing wrong to simultaneously date multiple people for the first few weeks...or until sex involved...
The problem is not to hurt other person and to loose her because of her "ego"...
Looking in the long term (say year or two): Wouldn't be a shame to loose something good cause of some innocent drink with other girl (now) ?

BTW when she went out 2 weeks ago it was only 1 week in. That's still a big difference to me. Even I at 1 week would say that's pretty acceptable. If you're inferring that I have an "ego" you'd be right. I'm a damn good catch and if you have to loose me to figure it out it's all good.

For the record, I don't think you're WRONG, I just want to let you know what you're doing can be taken from a different angle.

[qwertz]

Things are done sooo differently this side of the pond.

[TomerT]

Just ask her if she's okay with it. "Hey, this girl asked me out but I'm not sure how I feel about it. Would you be okay with it if I wentout for drinks with her?"

I agree with you - in the perfect world just to talk would be the best strategy...
The problem in our world is that what people say does not exactly mean they mean it (intentionally or even subconsciously)...
If she will say me "Yeah, you are a free person to date anyone you want" - it doesn't mean she actually OK with it..
On opposite, cause of her anger/frustration (or other hurt feeling) she can go date some other dude...
Get drunk and sleep with him...of course be sorry after that...but the "damage" is done...
I just give you a scenario - why telling the truth imho is not always the best strategy...

[TomerT]

I'm a damn good catch and if you have to loose me to figure it out it's all good.

but the fact that you are a good catch doesn't mean that you may also loose a good catch...just cause you weren't patient enough...

And I'm not willing to sit around and *wait* for him to possibly choose the other chick.

No one say to sit and wait...I have no problem if you go date another guy...I will be more than happy if eventually
you will be with me...it will only "boost my ego"

BTW, while cuddling few days ago, I asked her - "will you date someone now" ? Her reply was "I don't see myself in committed relationship right now"....
what should I interfere from this answer ?

[Gratedwasabi]

So what if she goes on a date with some other dude, gets drunk, and sleeps with him? What if you get drunk and sleep with this girl? If it's cool for you, it's cool for her (and don't tell me if you went on a date with this girl and thought she was hot and cool, got a little drunk and she started hitting on you you wouldn't.)

You're giving her permission to date other guys. If you're cool with that, then go for it.

If she said a couple days ago that she doesn't see herself in a committed relationship, go on the date. Pretty clear thumbs up, imo.

[doppelgaenger]

Just ask her if she's okay with it. "Hey, this girl asked me out but I'm not sure how I feel about it. Would you be okay with it if I went out for drinks with her?"

Whatever you do, don't ask for her permission. That's so lame.

If I were dating you for 3 weeks and you proceeded to date another girl, I wouldn't say you "cheated" but I'd not be happy at all. So unhappy I might free you up to date her only her.

Yes I may have had a date with one guy, set up one with another a week later and then dated guy number one the following week.

This is kind of hypocritical... you kinda undermined your whole argument right there.

[ecojeanne]

my opinion is the moment you have sex with one...then you can;t sleep with the other and also don;t tell them about each other unless you want no gf

[girl68]

Here's what I think if you don't know that you like me enough in 3 weeks you aren't the guy for me. I show my colors quickly enough, I put myself out there you either like me or you don't and I personally think 3 weeks is plenty enough time for you to decide. But that's me, and it don't apply to all- I know that. Therefore my patience has nothing to do with it. It's a compatibility thing.

And I can see how you think the mentality "if you love something set it free if it comes back to you it's meant to be" that's sort of how you're going on it. Let her date and if she chooses me, great, what an ego boost. Makes sense. And I agree, in the first like date or 2 or week. But not 3 weeks in.

And another problem I forsee. She's already dated and come back. Perhaps in her mind she's like YAY I picked him, it's all good... but it may really really suck for her to find out you want your rite of passage too. (or whatever you'd like to call this extra date). Who knows how she'll react but she may be totally thinking you sooo don't need this little extra on the side date.

[TomerT]

And another problem I forsee. She's already dated and come back. Perhaps in her mind she's like YAY I picked him, it's all good... but it may really really suck for her to find out you want your rite of passage too. (or whatever you'd like to call this extra date). Who knows how she'll react but she may be totally thinking you sooo don't need this little extra on the side date.

This is why my dilemma. I do not want to hurt her, but also do not want to "hurt" my self - by may be missing someone good.

[girl68]

This is kind of hypocritical... you kinda undermined your whole argument right there.

Nope, I don't think it is. I have at least 2 times speciifed the difference between 1 week and 3 weeks. I even said I probably wouldn't be too conerned if he had other dates a week into dating me, but at 3 weeks I no longer think it's acceptable.

[girl68]

This is why my dilemma. I do not want to hurt her, but also do not want to "hurt" my self - by may be missing someone good.

Ok I understand. If you like this first girl. Stick with her for now kindly decline the other woman for now. If it doesn't work out you can always attempt to give her a call. And you can't beleive that you ONLY have 2 options here. You date the one for now it don't work out there WILL BE other ladies even if it ain't lady number 2.

I don't think you have anything to worry about. Think about it- do you like girl number 1 enough to see it through...

[Take2]

This girl told you a few days ago that she doesn't see herself in an exclusive relationship. I retract my statement that you should mention it to her. You are on the same page and both free to date others.

As for the date one person at a time exclusively or date a lot until you find someone special argument, I have tried both ways. I think my natural inclination is to date one person at a time exclusively and then move on if it doesn't work out. But as long as a guy is honest up front, if I like him I will do the open dating for a while. I personally won't sleep with a guy until we are exclusive, and if the guy is dating other people, I will date other people, too. I will always clarify, never assume we are exclusive until we discuss it. But if I found out a guy lied about it, that would be the end, period. Dating others is fine, lying is not.