Dating etiquette

[girl68]

Pancakes don't mean shit about a relationship.

[TomerT]

Actually yesterday we finally talked about "us"...I asked her again if she would go for a date if she had a chance...She told me, that since she didn't see a real "interest" in her from my side
she may go. I told her that it is really OK with me. She didn't like my reaction so much, saying that it proves once again that I am not serious about her.
We both agreed that meanwhile we will stay friends, to see if we compatible...We can date others during this period, but not having sex with others...(or other physical activity )

I think this was the right decision - I really not sure about this girl, the fact that we "can" does not mean that we "should"...Right ?
We both agreed that any true potentially long term relationship should be based on good solid friendship...In good and bad times...

[girl68]

I think that was her testing you and you failed. She likely said that because she wanted you to rebutt with no, there IS interest! Wink, wink... but you bascially said- no you should date other because I'm not serious nor that interested.

So yeah. I guess it's good to know where you stand but I'm sooo not gonna be surprised when it blows up in someones face...

[Take2]

OK, dude, here is what we know:

She understands this relationship isn't exclusive.
She wants it to be, and is hinting to you to try to make it that way
You are not interested

Do not expect things to stay like this for long. She will either convince you to date her exclusively or she will move on.

[Gratedwasabi]

Actually yesterday we finally talked about "us"...I asked her again if she would go for a date if she had a chance...She told me, that since she didn't see a real "interest" in her from my side
she may go. I told her that it is really OK with me. She didn't like my reaction so much, saying that it proves once again that I am not serious about her.
We both agreed that meanwhile we will stay friends, to see if we compatible...We can date others during this period, but not having sex with others...(or other physical activity )

I think this was the right decision - I really not sure about this girl, the fact that we "can" does not mean that we "should"...Right ?
We both agreed that any true potentially long term relationship should be based on good solid friendship...In good and bad times...

Dude. Just freaking tell the girl you only want to date her and give it a shot. Sticking a toe into the water and then yanking it out 'cuz it might be cold at first ain't going to get ya in the pond.

[TomerT]

I think that was her testing you and you failed. She likely said that because she wanted you to rebutt with no, there IS interest! Wink, wink... but you bascially said- no you should date other because I'm not serious nor that interested.

So yeah. I guess it's good to know where you stand but I'm sooo not gonna be surprised when it blows up in someones face...

Please explain me - why should I fully commit myself to one person at this stage if I really don't know if I really interested...
Moreover, nothing sexual happened between us...And I know for sure - it could have happened if I was a little bit more persistent...

It seems to me that the fact that I an trying to be honest with her playing against me...
From your reaction girl68 seems to be the best strategy would be - to become her "exclusive" boyfriend...
Make her to believe that I am totally serious and into this relationship....Meanwhile, in parallel "do my dating stuff..."
At this scenario - everyone happy. She has an "exclusive" committed relationship (of course she will not know anything about my dates)...
I will have her (just in case) and meeting with other girls (checking other options). If I find someone that I really like - I just break up
with the first girl ("sorry, we are not compatible" or "it's not you - it's me" routine...) and start dating the second girl...

Is this how you would like your "committed" bf to act behind your back ?
Please notice - you have no idea about all this...He makes you to believe that you the only one...
So what would you prefer - him to say the truth (in this case you let him free) or lie (in this case you are happy with "exclusive, committed, loving, charming" bf) ?

Seems to me - no point to be totally truthful, it will only hurt me and my chances to find a good match...
Please correct me if I wrong...

[girl68]

Please explain me - why should I fully commit myself to one person at this stage if I really don't know if I really interested...

Tell me where I said you *should* be exclusive with this chick (in the last 2 posts) . I was merely saying she hinted at what she wants and you failed that's all.

Is this how you would like your "committed" bf to act behind your back ?Please correct me if I wrong...

You are wrong. If he didn't want to exclusively date me (which is a far cray for any sort of life time committment- it's just exclusive dating!) at 3 weeks, 4 or more (especially not with a reaction similar to yours.) I would have cut you loose and let you date your other options. Even if he was lying you must think I'm a fool to get played so easily... Maybe for just a short while but I'm not stupid- I'd figure it out damn quick, and then poof you're gone- I should say free to explore other options.

[TomerT]

Thank you all.. some of the stuff I say here is only for the sake of discussion
and not really reflects me and my personality. We all good

[girl68]

Yes, we are. I'm not the only one to say though that me thinks she wants you to be exclusive and hinted at it but you basically shot her down.

Goodluck.

[TomerT]

Yes, you all right. I have a feeling she does want me to commit to this relationship. But first of all I am not sure if I want it right now...
On the other hand, I still do not want to loose her as "an option" in the future and of course does not want to hurt her..
So what should I do ? I frankly told her this and that she free to date others...
Did I do or said anything wrong ?
Should I have become a "fake" bf just not to disappoint her ?

[girl68]

I think you should let her go (just romantically). She wants more than you're willing to give. No, don't commit just cause you don't want to lose her. She'll still be your friend... I think.

And we all know that sometimes we say things we don't mean like her saying it's all good when it probably isn't.

[MerryH]

Actually yesterday we finally talked about "us"

How often do you bring this up with her? You had just talked about this a few days ago, right? And again yesterday? Chill out and stop bringing it up. Nobody likes to be questioned about this numerous times in a short period. Maybe she doesn't feel you're really interested because she understands that the reason you keep talking about this is because you basically want permission to date other people. You're blowing it, Tomer.

The way you tell it, she's been agreeing to being "not committed" since day one and is still fine with it. Did she really agree to this? Did she really seem fine with it? Because if she reacted badly when you told her you don't mind if she dates other people, she's probably not really fine with it. And if you two aren't on the same page as far as your commitment, someone is going to end up hurt (her.) As was said before, she might want more than you're willing to give. That's fine, but this means you should stop dating her. Don't string her along just so you have her as "an option" later. Don't do that to people, it's not nice.

[TomerT]

The last thing I want is to hurt her! This is the reason I am consulting with you here.
I was in this position and it's not nice indeed. Thank you all.

[MissSassy]

honesty's usually the best policy. If you feel bad lying then mabe you should speak to this girl, you sound like you like her a lot.

[girl68]

He actually doesn't sound like he likes her that much. Not in my opinion anyways.