Pushy or sweet?

[Gratedwasabi]

Here's my dilemma.

Went on a fantastic first date. Called her a few days later. She texted me back and we exchanged a few flirty texts. She's in med. school for a grad. degree and has her final week of classes for the semester this week and final exams next week so she's super busy. I'm an impatient guy and I'd really like to see her before a week and a half goes by.

I offered to come up to her place and cook her dinner (since she has to eat, right? heh) and she seemed very tempted but asked if a maybe was okay. I'd really like to tempt her into letting me do so but at the same time I don't want to come off as pushy and I'm sure she is absolutely swamped with school stuff (like I said, final year med. school + she does clinic duty) but I would just make her dinner and leave so it doesn't seem like I'd invade her time too much.

Do I just need to suck it up and wait or would it be a nice gesture to try and give her a brief reprieve from the horrors of school with a Chef made dinner?

Opinions?

[liamchico]

Go for it! That's really sweet. If she says no, don't push it though.

[warriormaiden]

I would find that very sweet, and major points if a guy I was seeing does that for me.
But girls are different, and some might view that as being overbearing.

I would just bring it up one more time, really kind of lay it out like you did in your post, and if she STILL says no thank you, let it drop.

[MerryH]

It's a nice idea, but she told you she's too busy for a date. You coming over for a few hours to cook dinner is a date. If it were me, I'd be a little annoyed if you were pushy after I was really up-front and honest about not having time. It's almost like you're not respecting her responsibilities. Almost.

But I do think it would come across as a nice gesture to just bring her dinner, instead of cooking it at her house. Frame it like you know she's so busy she might not have time to cook or even get take-out so you just want to stop by with a home-cooked meal to make things easier on her and to give her a quick break from her studies. Be clear that you won't take too much of her time. Then go, eat, and leave, basically.

[Gratedwasabi]

Hmm. Toughie.

Like I mentioned, she said maybe. I told her it was totally fine if she was too swamped, I understood, and would like to do something after her finals regardless.

I kind of get the feeling that she's shy, though, and so I'm wondering if her "maybe" isn't a "try again in a few days once I've gotten some studying done." I don't get the feeling she would just suddenly text me back "yeah, come make me dinner!" That's kind of where I'm stuck. She said maybe despite my being very clear I was perfectly okay with waiting if it was more convenient but I think she's much too sweet and shy to request I come make her dinner, even though I offered.

Merry, that's a really good idea. Maybe I'll just make "myself" something nice and transportable this week for dinner and then text her "hey, I made too much of ___ and I figured you were probably too busy studying to make food. Would you like some?" or whatever. Pretty clearly bullshit but sweet. Then I could just drop it off (with flowers, just for luck with the exams of course) or briefly eat with her and I'd feel good about seeing her and get some brownie points. Mainly I'd just like to see her, though.

[MerryH]

I don't get the feeling she would just suddenly text me back "yeah, come make me dinner!"

Yeah, it would take a very bold and ballsy person to call you and ask you to come make dinner. Even though you offered, it would be a little rude. She's probably not going to bring it up on her own.

Now tell us what's on the menu. (I love food talk.)

[Gratedwasabi]

Yeah, it would take a very bold and ballsy person to call you and ask you to come make dinner. Even though you offered, it would be a little rude. She's probably not going to bring it up on her own.

Now tell us what's on the menu. (I love food talk.)

Well, I tend to be really fancy with food. She lives about 30 minutes away, so I'm trying to think of something I can make and bring over that I can have good to go and just need a plate or bowl; but can still make it nice.

So my initial thought is either a really nice squash-and-ginger soup that is one of my favorites, a few different types of squash, ginger, some nice herbs (lemongrass and maybe a little mint or tarragon for character), get it super smooth and silky; serve with some nice little croutons, maybe some micro-basil or maybe a nice winter greens risotto with wild mushrooms, cranberries, and sheeps milk cheese (sounds weird but it's a beautiful fall dish.) ...or an heirloom carrot risotto that I make with carrot juice, roasted garlic and shallot, lots of herbs, some really fine diced heirloom carrot, sheep's milk cheese, and topped with micro-herbs, extra virgin olive oil, and fried carrot. Plus she loves cheese but has a cassein (cow milk) allergy and I've made a goat's cheese cheesecake before that is beyond divine with some shaved dark chocolate and liquor-soaked cherries so that for dessert (only a fool of a Chef dares to cook dinner without dessert for a woman!)

[sweetkissesforu]

who says men cant be romantic go for it and dont forget the flowers

[MerryH]

heirloom carrot risotto that I make with carrot juice, roasted garlic and shallot, lots of herbs, some really fine diced heirloom carrot, sheep's milk cheese, and topped with micro-herbs, extra virgin olive oil, and fried carrot.

They all sound good, but this sounds amazing. The dessert also sounds really nice. Are you guys vegetarians?

lol...you should totally call her up and say, "hey, I made too much heirloom carrot risotto that I make with carrot juice, roasted garlic and shallot, lots of herbs, some really fine diced heirloom carrot, sheep's milk cheese, and topped with micro-herbs, extra virgin olive oil, and fried carrot and I figured you were probably too busy studying to make food. Would you like some?"

[Gratedwasabi]

They all sound good, but this sounds amazing. The dessert also sounds really nice. Are you guys vegetarians?

lol...you should totally call her up and say, "hey, I made too much heirloom carrot risotto that I make with carrot juice, roasted garlic and shallot, lots of herbs, some really fine diced heirloom carrot, sheep's milk cheese, and topped with micro-herbs, extra virgin olive oil, and fried carrot and I figured you were probably too busy studying to make food. Would you like some?"

Haha. Not vegetarian, totally, but she's a huge health food nut and if I was transporting meat 30 minutes while cooked it'd have to be a braise of some sort, which means a fatty piece of meat I'm not sure she'd enjoy. Plus she loves Mediterranean food and cheese and I've made thousands of risottos (which is both Mediterranean and cheesy) in my life so it seems like a good fit.

I'm going to give it a shot one of these next few days. Hopefully she appreciates flowers and a Chef cooked meal.

[MerryH]

Ah. Good thinking. Yeah, risotto is pretty awesome and sexy. I hate when people describe food as sexy, but it's true for risotto. Good luck!

[misombra]

Yum can you bring me some too? That sounds delish. Med students are hella busy.

[xxazurexx]

I'd see it as being too forward, especially after one date.

But different part of the world ya know.....things are done different here.

[Boisdevie]

I think if you
1. Make it clear you understand that she's busy
2. You want to see her but
3 You won't stay there too long if she's tired etc and
4 She has to eat anyway

That should be OK. I'm a guy who loves to cook and can cook - and women love it. And let's face it, a good meal shared with friends/lovers is one of the most sociable things going. Good luck. The way to a womans' heart is through her stomach.

[MerryH]

I'd see it as being too forward, especially after one date.

Too forward? How come?

I would see it as a really nice gesture and a good sign that a guy is interested enough to go out of his way to do something nice for me and make my life easier during a stressful time.