Guys and gals I am desperately confused and need advice. Also, I'm a long time reader, first time poster.
After following my gut feeling and not my brain, I broke up with my girlfriend of 4 months today (in person, at a park). It was an on-the-day decision to break up, we had other plans the same day, but the time seemed right. I was expecting to feel relief after doing this, but now I now feel guilt, regret and I am missing her badly. We spent a good 2 hours at a park discussing the breakup as I thought it would help bring closure. Initially while talking I felt relief, like this was the right thing to do. After talking more, I realised or remembered how much she cared for me, and I started double thinking if breaking up was the right thing to do. I then started feeling guilty, I started feeling attraction and more caring for her, not wanting to let her go as she said through teary eyes that I was the nicest guy she had ever been with and she did not blame me for anything. After parting company, I felt so bad... horrible... like when I broke up with my ex-GF of 3 years. But this over a 4 month relationship... What the?
At the time we agreed to stay friends, but later that day sent me a text saying how she feels so strongly for me, and because of that if we remained friends it would not allow her to move on. That she would be deluding herself by doing so and would try to sneak her way back in. That I would always be a favorite of hers, but we should not stay friends. There was no bitterness in it, no coldness.
I called her up after getting this text as I couldn't stand not talking to her about it, which I probably shouldn't have done, and we pretty much continued on from where we were at the park. We ended up agreeing that we are confused, and could not go on simply being friends. She said that she still likes me a lot, in spite of all of this drama, and even wants the security of a cuddle from some one she has feelings from (i.e. me). She doesn't want to let go, and now I am not sure if I want to, where before I was very sure that while I liked her, she was not the one. Let's backtrack for a second...
So why am I breaking up with her? She didn't cheat on me, she was affectionate and caring. The problem was I found that her personality often makes me feel uneasy (she's very outgoing, dramatic, giggly, etc... a bit of a girl at heart. I'm a bit more reserved). This contrast of personality was something I was aware of early on, but the incompatibility ate away at me over time. I don't blame her for her personality or ask her to change it because I think she should be herself with me. Secondly, I also believe there are some committal issues at work, we broke up only a month ago for similar uncertain reasons. Before then, we had almost broken up twice. All in 4 months! But we kept stitching it together, blaming it on the stresses of uni which we both attended until recently, which really was stressful to an extent greater than that when my parents divorced. Regardless, I no longer know what I want.
I'm 24 and have been in more serious relationships before. This one has me totally confused. p.s. she's very good looking and we have a good sex life.
Please, give me some advice... Specifically:
1) Should I take her back (again) and try to make this work (again), and how, or
2) Should I confirm to her it's over, break off all contact?
Thanks for reading this!!