I apologize if this is incorrect placement in the forums.
I feel that my whole being, my personality, thought processes, etc. has been corrupted. I have been tolerating so much bs in my life that I am losing my sense of humor, morals, and sympathy very rapidly. Let me explain what I believe are the causes:
-Ever since kindergarten my mother has forced me to have outstanding grades. If it was any less than an A I would be punished. My mother constantly thinks I am on drugs and has brought me in to several random testings, all of which show I am clean. I have never drank alchohol or smoked anything of any sort. Once $20.00 was stolen from my little sisters piggy bank and she thought I took it for drug money.
-My dad lives on the other end of the country (my parents are seperated) and only wants me to come to him so he doesn't have to pay child support.
-I have been working ever since I was 12. I already know what it is like to put up with a half senile boss who gets mad at you for doing something the correct way. But this is sort of irrellevent.
-I'm unnatractive. I am not horribly ugly, but I am slightly overweight but can not out of control. I have a good amount of muscle to accompany my fat.
-I have been pressured into doing sports that I don't want to do and don't enjoy. I have been wrestling and doing football for 3 years and this year is my fourth. I hate both sports, but I have a glitch in my personality that forces me to finish everything I start. Plus, the sports keep me in relative shape.
-My grandma is slowly losing her mind, and she is the only one I have to comfort me from the insane (literally, she has pills and a phsyciatrist) mother. She is getting really mean and the stress of my mother is getting to her.
-I have been double crossed by many of my thought-to-be friends. They have stolen money, publically humiliated me, and injured me on multiple occasions.
But out of all this... all I want is a girlfriend. I just want a girl to hug so that I can honestly say I have had a girlfriend before. Unfortunately I am too screwed up now for anyone to take an interest in me. My humor is gone, and I am not all attractive. I have gotten hostile towards everyone now and drive everyone away by default. If a girl approaches me, I would probably scowl and get angry for no apparent reason. I'm not a goth, nerd, prep, hick, or whetever else you might think... I'm just "that one guy over there". My self esteem has decayed over time. Every time I get a chance to talk to a girl that will respond back, some much more popular guy swoops in and steals her away.
I don't mean to sound whiny, I just want to find a solution (if there even is one). I almost considered turning asexual and ignoring relationships...