I think I'm losing my soul...

[Shadowstonight]

I apologize if this is incorrect placement in the forums.

I feel that my whole being, my personality, thought processes, etc. has been corrupted. I have been tolerating so much bs in my life that I am losing my sense of humor, morals, and sympathy very rapidly. Let me explain what I believe are the causes:

-Ever since kindergarten my mother has forced me to have outstanding grades. If it was any less than an A I would be punished. My mother constantly thinks I am on drugs and has brought me in to several random testings, all of which show I am clean. I have never drank alchohol or smoked anything of any sort. Once $20.00 was stolen from my little sisters piggy bank and she thought I took it for drug money.
-My dad lives on the other end of the country (my parents are seperated) and only wants me to come to him so he doesn't have to pay child support.
-I have been working ever since I was 12. I already know what it is like to put up with a half senile boss who gets mad at you for doing something the correct way. But this is sort of irrellevent.
-I'm unnatractive. I am not horribly ugly, but I am slightly overweight but can not out of control. I have a good amount of muscle to accompany my fat.
-I have been pressured into doing sports that I don't want to do and don't enjoy. I have been wrestling and doing football for 3 years and this year is my fourth. I hate both sports, but I have a glitch in my personality that forces me to finish everything I start. Plus, the sports keep me in relative shape.
-My grandma is slowly losing her mind, and she is the only one I have to comfort me from the insane (literally, she has pills and a phsyciatrist) mother. She is getting really mean and the stress of my mother is getting to her.
-I have been double crossed by many of my thought-to-be friends. They have stolen money, publically humiliated me, and injured me on multiple occasions.

But out of all this... all I want is a girlfriend. I just want a girl to hug so that I can honestly say I have had a girlfriend before. Unfortunately I am too screwed up now for anyone to take an interest in me. My humor is gone, and I am not all attractive. I have gotten hostile towards everyone now and drive everyone away by default. If a girl approaches me, I would probably scowl and get angry for no apparent reason. I'm not a goth, nerd, prep, hick, or whetever else you might think... I'm just "that one guy over there". My self esteem has decayed over time. Every time I get a chance to talk to a girl that will respond back, some much more popular guy swoops in and steals her away.

I don't mean to sound whiny, I just want to find a solution (if there even is one). I almost considered turning asexual and ignoring relationships...

[sweetkissesforu]

How old are you old enough to move if so do it

[MerryH]

At least you're perceptive enough to know that there are things you need to work on before you should have a girlfriend. I'm assuming you're still in high school? Either way, whatever school you're attending most likely has counseling services. Use them. And definitely plan to go to college as far away from your crazy mother as possible. I'm willing to bet your life will get much better once you're in a different environment.

[Gratedwasabi]

Good news! Just recently scientists discovered a cure for EXACTLY the illness you seem to have!!!! That cure? ..COLLEGE!

Seriously, it's high school. You're gunna be fine. Go to college, live in the dorms, you'll get a girlfriend. They fall into your lap in college, it's true. If you want friends, keep playing a sport or two; guaranteed to get you friends + a girlfriend in college.

Seriously. You're fine. Go to college and it'll be like the sun rose over your world. I was very similar spot when I (imagine) was about your age. Since college I've gotten laid so many times and it's fantastic. You're going to be great. I'm absolutely serious. High school is freaking lame, dude. College is completely.. completely different. There is a place for any and all in college. Sounds like you've got good grades. Start practicing for the SAT. Go to a big, state college AWAY FROM HOME. Congrats on instantly having friends and a chance daily to have sex (and as a man that instantly will make your life seem thousands of times better and your mood will instantly spring back to happy-go-lucky.)

[sadie_genie]

A girlfriend is not going to make your life better. In fact, she may make it even more stressful. It takes two whole people to make a relationship. Don't lose hope. Now lets go over your problems one by one:

1)Your forceful parents are probably just trying to look out for you. They force you to have good grades and free of drugs because it is their way of caring for you.

2) Your parents who are separated is NOT your problem. It is their business and should left so.

3) Its great that you have worked since you were 12. That builds independence and character. And if you have a boss you don't like then be happy you have the option to change boss by finding another job.

4)It doesn't matter that you are not the most attractive person because generally looks are not the top priority for most girls.

5)Exercise is good. I don't like it either. : ) That makes two of us.

6)It is unfortunate that your grandmother is having a hard time. She is probably having a harder time then you are. You are still young and have a whole life ahead of you. Yet, she is old and miserable. Maybe you should comfort her rather than to rely on her to comfort you.

7) Your douche bag friends does not even deserve the energy and time to mourn over. See it as good riddance.

Look at life from a wider perspective. You are young and have a whole life ahead of you. Don't worry about petty things.