Girl i'm seeing is NOT over her EX, what to do now? ...

[IamTHATguy]

Need major help here, after lot's of advice, from friends and you guys etc, i asked the girl i've been seeing for about 3 months if she'd be interested in anything more (than just seein eachother after 3 months)

However, she has responded in telling me she isn't over her EX yet, he dumped her 6 months ago, and i split with my girlfriend 4 months ago.

I don't quite understand, i am well over my EX, even though i was devastated when she dumped me, i don't get how this girl after well over over 6 months can still be feeling stuff for him, (he's had a new girlfriend for over 3 months)

What can i do ?, do i forget about her? or wait.. :S

[sadie_genie]

Depends on whether you have patience. I was with my ex when I wasn't over my previous boyfriend (and btw, it was an obsession and I didn't think I will ever be over him). But then, he stood by me and treated me very well even though he knows I was still infatuated with my ex. He made me forget about him and now I love him. It wasn't until after a year that I actually took him emotionally serious though. If you don't think you can withstand loving someone more than they love you for this long, I suggest you don't take this route.

[IamTHATguy]

Thanks doe speedy answer.

As you can imagine her response has took me surprise, i asked her about him a month ago, but she didn't seem flustered about it.

Don't get me wrong, when my EX dumped em it was horrible, i felt a future with her etc, but i've accepted it's not to be, where as she's had much longer to accept this, yet she's still not over him! it's just the fact he's had a new girlfriend for ages so why is she letting him get in the way of everything!!

I understand how she can be feeling, but to tell me this now!! if she's not over him in 6 seperated months she can't be expecting better from me!? Will she ever love me properly tho' ?

[sadie_genie]

Everybody is different. It takes longer to get over exes for some people. And she hid it from you because she know you won't like it. It will take some time before she is ready to commit to you emotionally. It can be torture.

[devonbrown]

Sadie is correct in that everyone takes different times to get over breakups. You can't use the length of time you took to judge how long it takes someone else. It is similar to grieving in that way.
However, there may be more to it than she is letting on. She may be saying she isn't over her ex as a way to let you know that she isn't interested in pursuing something further with you. I know that sounds harsh, but a lot of people would rather avoid a conflict by saying something they think will stop the pursuit.
My suggestion is to remain friends with her, but not put all your eggs in one basket. Don't keep yourself from becoming interested in anyone else because of a maybe-down-the-line thing.

[IamTHATguy]

I guess you're totally right, but what's the hard thing about it, is she's told me she likes me and things are very good between the 2 of us..
I know she loved her ex, but he started seeing a new girl and dumped and for her and this was just over 6 months ago now, why would you let an asshole like that ruin anything, i wouldn't, but i guess everyone is different.

The other problem is i won't see her again i doubt unless we make arrangements, shall i let her do that? instead of chasing her i guess..

[IamTHATguy]

Just to add to this, like i say, i don't ever see her unless something is arranged.

I think by me asking her this may have scared her off for good, which i know and telling myself is probably good in the long run. If she had feelings for me geniunly, would she ever let me slip away because of all this?