Age difference, looking for legit thoughts

[WhatAboutYou14]

K so I needed an outlet to ask this question and I figured it was alright to do so. I'm 21, the girl I'm talking to (and like a real whole lot haha) is 17. We are almost exactly 4 years apart.

I know technically, this would be illegal, but her and I haven't done anything yet except let each other know how we feel. I'm a little iffy about moving the relationship forward, not because i'm afraid she'll try to get me in trouble or ANYthing like that, but because I feel like a few people will think it's "weird" that there is such an age difference.

I mean, my parents are about 5 or 6 years apart so that gives me a little ease. And my lady friend isn't immature or stupid, she can make her choices. It's just a little bit of a thin-ice situation, I feel. I mean, if it factors in at all, she isn't a virgin so she isn't uneducated to these things.

So what are your thoughts? Is it wrong to legitimately have feelings for a girl 4 years younger or what? I don't think it is and her and i will probably move forward either way, I just wanted to get the general consensus from a pretty decent looking forum haha. thanks!

[Gratedwasabi]

If it's against the law where you are, you need to not do it. Really simple. Wait until she's legal. It doesn't matter if she'll get you in trouble, her parents can have you arrested and you will be prosecuted in court and found guilty and labeled a sex offender for the rest of your life. I guarantee you the police and the attorney in your city and state could give a damn about it only being 4 years. If you break the letter of the law, someone finds out and lets the cops know, you're going to be prosecuted.

Check the law in your state and do not break it. It's not worth the risk (the risk being unable to find a decent job or friends for the rest of your life as you will be labeled, for the rest of your life, a sex offender and required to disclose that information to every job or home you apply to.)

[WhatAboutYou14]

k yah, i wanted to make it clear that i wasnt planing on doing anything illegal with her until she was, well, legal haha.

but im gonna keep talking to her and we might brand ourselves a 'couple' without the dirty stuff.

Knowing the legal repercussions, does anyone else have some input on the situation?

[MerryH]

I wouldn't say that it's completely wrong in all situations (I'm talking 17 -21, specifically. It's different when you're older.)

But.

I always think it's at least a little strange to date someone that much younger. It makes me wonder what's wrong with the older person that they can't/won't find someone their own age. Also, if you were in my circle of friends at that age, you wouldn't have heard the end of it. You'd be the butt of many many bad jokes.

[vashti]

Make sure her parents like you. A LOT. And follow every one of their rules to the letter. Don't give them a reason to call the cops. And of course, if they say "no" to the whole relationship, then don't do it.

[Zabrinah]

As other people have mentioned, because of the ages you are now, it is weird and you will get talked about. When she is 24 and you are 28, no one will say a thing.

The honest truth is that, when you are a 17 year old girl, you are FAR LESS AWARE of yourself and your decisions. Two years later, by 19, you are FAR FAR WISER, and by 21, you are even more wise.

The age gap and thought process from 17 to 19 is huge. You change A LOT. So, what she feels about you could change for the better and for the worst. I am not saying that you are full of wisdom and that you already know exactly who you are, but I am just saying that she is not a woman yet. Even by your freshman year of college, most girls walk like girls, and think like girls, and act like them. And technically, you are a man. You have had more experiences; you have been on this planet longer than she has, so you might be more self-aware.

Do not worry about what other people will think or say, because people will always say something whether they are right or wrong or just plain jealous. If you are going to worry about anything, worry about her mind and your mind and whether they are on the same level or not.

Hope that helped!


***
Author of the website: How NOT to Fall in Love

[sweetkissesforu]

[url=http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ages_of_consent_in_North_America]Ages of consent in North America - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia[/url]
in most States and Canada in is 16-18

[hello1]

6 years is not a lot when your are 18-24 or older. The fact is, she is illegal and still a child so back off

[xxazurexx]

[url=http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ages_of_consent_in_North_America]Ages of consent in North America - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia[/url]
in most States and Canada in is 16-18

It is 16 in the UK, so isn't and wouldn't be illegal here. But then they aren't in the UK.

I don't view it as being an age difference, 17 and 21 - 4 years is neither here nor there.

But if the laws of that state say 18, then you need to abide by those laws.

My concern is, how he seems to think it's one big joke that he is breaking some law and she is only 17. I wouldn't like to think that I was in a relationship with some guy who viewed it all as a 'joke'.
Because he thinks it's a 'joke', is why he needs to 'back off'. Obviously he isn't mature enough for a relationship.

Another concern of mine, is how a young girl (from age 11 to 16 years) can go to a health clinic in the UK these days and get supplies of birth control, ie: the pill, injections, etc....yet the legal age to have sex is 16??? If kids can't have sex until 16, then why equip them with birth control from the early age of 11 years old? Isn't that just 'encouraging' kids to have sex?

[Raven_Skye]

Seriously, it's just four years difference, at 21 you're basically a kid yourself yet.. I'd say it's all fine, watch out for the legal stuff, don't get intimate before she turns 18, and the rest is fine. My parents got together when mom was 16 and dad 29. She was mature for her age (having to take care of her three younger sisters and the household back then) and he was young for hsi age.. but still, 13 years. However, they were together up until he died last year. But you'll laugh about 4 years difference when she's 26 and you 30.. or something. See, then it's not much at all. Just watch out, don't pressure her and don't let yourself be pressured into doing something that can get you into trouble.

[Radarsonar]

Must be some seriously backward country to still have the age of consent at 18.

[Incognito]

^^^Laws are laws. To say that an entire country is backward because of them is ignorant. I'll add that incest and bestiality is legal in Belgium, which says what about it? I think it says a lot, but notice how I didn't insult your entire country.


As far as the age difference goes you need to hold off on the entire relationship until she is 18. Why? I don't know any man with a penis who can resist boinking a ready and willing woman who they are dating. Not one. Unless there is some kind of animosity there. I guarantee that if she is still 17, there is no one around and she decides that she wants some that you won't say "well, you know we really should wait". The very thought of that happening is absurd. You'll simply do whatever she proposes... a bj, hj, sex, whatever she is comfortable with. Then you'll go to jail if anyone finds out.

[qwertz]

Yeh i would hold off until she's legal- not that i think the age difference is much- over here no one would bat an eyelid.

[girl68]

I think at that age 4 years is too big of a difference.

When you're 28 and 24 no big deal.

[VincenzoG91]

Short-term: don't break any laws. And Vashti has a great point about how to deal with her parents.
Medium-term: the age difference could become annoying to you, when most of your friends want to hit the bars and she can't come along.
Long-term: probably won't work out. Not because this is a big age difference, but because she will go through a lot of changes in the next few years and might not be compatible with you anymore.
Really long-term: four years older than her is perfectly socially acceptable. If you two are so compatible that you're still together in several years, you will probably work out just fine in the long run.