What does she really feel?

[Everestil]

Hello ladies,

I'm standing in front of a dilemma and I need your help to understand the mind and actions of my previous girlfriend.
I have already posted a topic with not many reactions because of the fact that it was too long.. If you have enough time and are willing to help me, you can find my post in the section "love advice" with the title "Getting back previous girlfriend who has new boyfriend.

And for those of you who don't have a lot of time, this is the summary..
Me and my girlfriend began dating 4 years ago for about 2 years. 1 time she broke up with because of the fact that she wasn't certain about her feelings, but we got back together.. The last 2 months of our relationship were filled with irritations so we broke up.. I never had the chance to talk about it with her, because it would go away after some time she said, but it didn't..

Now in the 2 years afterwards, a lot of things happened so I will keep it short.. 2 months after our broke-up she tried hooking up with a good friend of mine (she got some attention from him) behind my back etc.. I asked her for some time alone to process everything and each time we met, I got feelings again.. So I asked her again to minimize the contact to get rid of these feelings..
6 months ago, everything went perfectly and were meeting again, having fun, even flirting.. She asked me to call her again and that we should meet, I did and arranged a date.. This time I said that she should call me, but she had a lot of things to do for school, but really wanted to see me.. But she didn't call or anything, just sometimes on msn messenger to say things that happened.. I got sick of this and tried to move on with the thought that we were never going to date again.. In this time, she sometimes contacted me to tell stuff about her life, but never asked me out again..
2 months ago in a conversation that she initiated, I told her I would be having the best vacation ever because of some events and the fact the I would not see her for 1 whole week.. She thought I ment it, but I was actually joking, but at that point I thought that she knew this..
1 month ago.. She told me she was seeing someone else, a friend of mine.. Well not a close friend like before, but still.. She wanted to stay friends etc, but I told her that we haven't been real friends since our breakup and that this was not the time to change this because she was dating.. A few days later she asked me to go out for some icecream but I said I was busy and maybe in a month or so if I felt like it.. The day after she started talking again and I asked her why she so desperatly wanted to meet and she told me she didn't want to lose everything that we had with each other (by accident she bumped on our pictures and started browsing through them she said and just lost all of the frustrations she had then) and we started talking a lot about our relationship and feelings we had during and after our breakup.. It was a really nice conversation and I thought she wanted me back, so the day after I said that I was able to mee this weekend.. We went to the movies and a drink afterwards to talk..

She explained that I misunderstood it and that she was happy with her current boyfriend and that it was still fresh and wanted to see where things were going.. I told her that I couldn't see her because the fact that I probably would be getting feelings for her again and that it all would be different if she wasn't dating.. We again had a really open and honest chat and she even started crying when I said these things that it was hard for me to see them and that I felt that she didn't gave me an honest chance to get back together or even as friends and that I regretted the fact that we didn't talk sooner and she agreed.. I told her that I would call her again if I felt that I was ready to have contact with her again, but she still was asking me to think about it and so I told her that we should not meet, but a little talking on msn messenger was ok.. 2 days later I came online and she began talking to me again, just some chitchat and then I told her that I needed time and should call her when I was past this point of how I am feeling now and when I REALLY wanted to see her...


I still have the feeling that if we had these honest talks before she started dating, we may have a chance together.. because when I told her about the vacation without her, she realised I was over her and all her irritations were finally gone..
I really regret it and I am still young, but she really is the one for me and when I look in her eyes I see she cares for me and wants to see me happy! She told me that I deserved the best and shouldn't be ok with less and that I would do everything for my girlfriend..

Why does she want to keep the contact so much and as a girl, what do you think that she is feeling with al of this and her feelings towards me?

I really need a female opinion on this and I hope you can help!

Thanks a lot!

[smackie9]

She's just likin the attention you give her and nothing more. You are basically now in the "friends zone" . As the song goes you can't always get what you want......At this moment you think you need her, but in reality you will think differently later. We all get over those feelings and move on. So stop hanging on to something that will probably never happen.

[Everestil]

She's just likin the attention you give her and nothing more. You are basically now in the "friends zone" . As the song goes you can't always get what you want......At this moment you think you need her, but in reality you will think differently later. We all get over those feelings and move on. So stop hanging on to something that will probably never happen.

Thanks for your reply! You don't think that she still wants to keep seeing me because of the connection we have and enjoys our time together? Maybe it's different for some girls and she doesn't only wants the attention..
I am not saying that we are going to get back together and I know that i'm in the "friend zone" right now, but still we haven't been realy friends after the break-up...
But on the other hand, she came across a little bit desperate to keep me as a friend.. She said that her mother (she really likes me!) regretted it that I never went to their home anymore and that she wants us to be friends so that we should stay friends and also she couldn't take "no" for an answer when I said I wanted no contact at all..

[Boisdevie]

She simply likes being the centre of attention.

[Everestil]

So basically, she just likes to be with me because it makes her feel good about herself?
So you would just stay away from her and avoid contact? And if she starts talking to me just be bloody honest and tell her about this or just act cool and reply to it and that you have something else that you have to do?

I still want to believe that she just likes hanging out with me and she has always been honest with me, so I still believe that she doesn't want to lose me because of all the things we have done together and because we are having fun when we are together..

[Boisdevie]

Whatever you have done together in the past counts for nothing. It's the PAST. Do not contact this woman because at the moment she's treating you like an idiot. I was in a relationship for 8 years including 7 years living together and how long have I spent having out with her now it's over - absolutely nothing at all - BECAUSE IT'S OVER.
MOVE ON

[Everestil]

Whatever you have done together in the past counts for nothing. It's the PAST. Do not contact this woman because at the moment she's treating you like an idiot. I was in a relationship for 8 years including 7 years living together and how long have I spent having out with her now it's over - absolutely nothing at all - BECAUSE IT'S OVER.
MOVE ON

Yeah you're right and I realised that this is the best thing to do! And I will follow-up on this, thanks! Everyone here has opened my eyes that this is the way I should do it..

The problem is.. She keeps talking to me.. Today she began talking to me about a friend of mine she had seen and that my friend was staring at her etc, and then some other stuff that happened or things that just popped into her mind..
She started with this "I just have to say something, if it is ok :-P And if it's not, I will do it anyway" And she began...
I was responding cool and calm and just cheerfull, just as the person I am (no awkwardness or anything like that).. And after half an hour I said: "Euhm is Katerine done jabbering? :-P" and she replied "srry haha" and that she was going to work for school now and then went babysitting..

I probably should have said no in the beginning but yeah it's hapenned and I stopped the conversation myself! Even when I wasn't saying anything for a couple of minutes, she asked about my exams, so she really wants to talk, but I guess that she just wants someone to talk to and not me specific, but just uses me for this...

So what should I say to her when this happens again and when I see her in real life?
My B-Day is comming up and there is a slight chance I will see her that day.. Just on the train (My car needs maintenance, so can't control that :-S ) What should I say when she congratz me and just keeps standing next to me to start a conversation?

Already thanks for your help!
I really mean it well, but at these moments I don't know how to act, so thanks again!