So I apologize in advance for the lameness of this question and my situation, but I just need some good advice and figure there are a lot of people out there more experienced than I.
So here's the deal -- I recently fell for a girl in a different city (we'll call her GIRL A). She's beautiful, funny, amazing, charming, and genuinely makes me happy -- we could be best friends. We've been on a few extraordinary dates, but she's wrestling with some feelings / hurts from her ex boyfriend. They dated for a really long time, and from what she tells me, even though they've been broken up for over a year, she's not sure if she's ready for a new relationship. I told her that was fine as I can be patient and give her space that she needs. We took a little break from talking to each other, and then we reconnected a few weeks later and things seemed to be going well, but then her ex boyfriend came back to town and she seems uncomfortable and distant as a result. Even though I think she really likes me (we hold hands, and have a blast when we're together), I get the feeling like she's still working through those feelings and just doesn't know how to tell me. So I just told her that I really liked her, wanted to see her again, but would let her initiate that if she is interested in the future. She's an amazing woman with outstanding character and I really want the best for her even if that's not me.
Since then (as in like a couple days after the conversation with GIRL A), I've hung out a few times with a girl in the city in which I live (let's call her GIRL B). She's also beautiful, charming, etc., but is very different from GIRL A as well. I'm a self proclaimed Christian, even though I have numerous faults and am easily a hypocrite to my own faith -- which is something I wrestle with quite a bit. Whereas the budding relationship I mentioned above with GIRL A is intentionally innocent and beautiful in it's own way (i.e. holding hands is all the physicality i need), this new woman is more experienced. We've only hung out a couple times casually, and one night we made out and had some light, mutual petting (clothes on). It probably could have gone farther, but I'm glad it didn't... as i'll explain in a bit.
All of this has happened while I've still been "talking" to GIRL A. I know i'm not "in a relationship" per se with either of these girls, but I've never been one to cheat, and I have just felt so ashamed for leading someone on without knowing what it is that i want. I know a lot of people play the field and date around, but the fact that I told someone that I liked them and would be patient with them, and then made out with a new girl a week later just makes me feel like a scumbag.
In addition to all of this, I'm trying to work through my own beliefs. I always wanted to remain abstinent till marriage, but have already failed that. Recently I've been trying to work on this aspect of my life and keep myself more focused on building a strong relationship than a sexual one, and I think in my heart I don't want to have sex with anyone (oral or otherwise), but obviously my male body sometimes has a mind of its own. Thus, I'm glad it didn't go any further with GIRL B than it did. GIRL A shares my beliefs and I know that if we ended up in a relationship it would be pure, but as of right now I have no idea what she wants, and no foreseeable timeline as to when she'll know.
And please don't hear me say that GIRL B is a bad person. I think she's wonderful, and certainly not a * * * * , but we haven't talked about our beliefs or anything -- as I'm sure many of you have experienced, it's been much more flirtatious in nature from the start (we met at a bar).
My dilemma (aside from over thinking this whole situation) is that I honestly think I would like to be with GIRL A. However, she knows how I feel and honestly may just not be interested in a relationship. As I mentioned, I'm willing to wait, but at some point you have to move on. I don't want to give up on her yet (especially because I told her I wouldn't unless she asked me to), but also don't want to wait around forever.
Furthermore, I just feel awful for leading on GIRL B. I like her too, but its certainly a different type of like. It could lead to something more substantial as well, but I don't want it to become a sexual relationship. I think she'd be fine with that, but we would just need to have some conversations we haven't had yet about what we believe, want, etc. And I don't want to be that guy that makes out with someone and never calls back.
Again, I am NOT in a relationship with either woman. My mind is telling me to feel guilty and ashamed of making out with a girl while I'm still talking to another girl... even though there's no relationship. Part of me feels like I should just confess everything to both women and apologize for making advances towards GIRL B, and another part of me is saying that this isn't as big a situation as I'm making it out to be, and to just keep GIRL B at arms length until I better understand where things are at with GIRL A... but that kind of feels douchebaggish (sp?) to me.
Anyways, suffice to say I've probably thought about this too much, but it's good to just get it out there. If anyone has any good advice I'd love to hear it. Thanks for reading, I appreciate it.