Help my friend......

[Dear]

Hi All,


This time i am telling you problem discussed by my friend. Please help me to suggest her..

I will tell you two stories about her. She is from India..

1. She is having a best friend (me, a girl). We are friends from last 15 years. We share all happiness & tears. We go for parties together. All the persons who know us, they also know our friendship how much we are close.
2. She is having a very close friend (A Boy). They are friends from last 4 years. They also share all happiness & tears. Similarly go for parties together. All the persons who know them, they think they are bor friend & girlfriend.& even that boy is also telling her to marry him coz they know each other very well. All are blaming my friend, why she is not ready to marry the guy.

Now my friend who never take him as boyfriend, she asks me where she is wrong. I can understand her becoz i know she take this boy as friend only. But when i argue anybody on this topic, they also tell me i m wrong.

Please suggest, what should my friend do in this case. Should she stop talking to her friend (Boy)? or wat could she do??????


Please replyyy...

[Zabrinah]

I think she should tell him how she feels. I don't think she has to end the relationship with him. She can't marry him if she doesn't feel that way. Hopefully, she doesn't have to lose him as a good friend when she tells him that she doesn't want to be with him that way!

All it takes is some honesty. She can't do what other people want her do. She can only follow how she feels!

[reeba]

I hate to say it but there is lots of truth in the saying 'love is blind' - that initial rush of emotions and lust cloud sound judgement. Also if you ask a couple who have been together long term, love changes over time. If someone thinks they need to be swept off their feet and think that inital rush of emotions will continue to make their relationship work throughout the years, they are in for a disapointment. I'm all about the 'C average' - commitment, contentment, casual, comfort, common interests, consideration, communication, compatable, caring.

Unless there is something causing the ick factor - not attracted to him (and not because she views him as a brother, but there is a physical flaw she can't get over), she knows him so well that she sees flaws she can't live with (everyone is going to have flaws, but he has major ones) - I would say give it a chance. Friendship lasts a lot longer than love.

I wish someone gave me this lecture when I was 20 years old. I probably would have thought 'I need love' but back then I was all about that initial rush. Now I know nothing beats a steady and reliable friend who knows what makes you tick.

[mycanaan]

I agree with being honest with her friend (boy). It wouldn't be nice or wise to end the relationship, obviously they are fond of each other. They can still be friends perhaps they are better of being friends. Marriage is a mutual feeling which can not be faked or forced. You friend should tell him how she feels about him politely and move with their friendship, though it might not be easy at first but they both will come along pretty soon especially when the friend is for real.

[Incognito]

I hate to say it but there is lots of truth in the saying 'love is blind' - that initial rush of emotions and lust cloud sound judgement. Also if you ask a couple who have been together long term, love changes over time. If someone thinks they need to be swept off their feet and think that inital rush of emotions will continue to make their relationship work throughout the years, they are in for a disapointment. I'm all about the 'C average' - commitment, contentment, casual, comfort, common interests, consideration, communication, compatable, caring.

Unless there is something causing the ick factor - not attracted to him (and not because she views him as a brother, but there is a physical flaw she can't get over), she knows him so well that she sees flaws she can't live with (everyone is going to have flaws, but he has major ones) - I would say give it a chance. Friendship lasts a lot longer than love.

I wish someone gave me this lecture when I was 20 years old. I probably would have thought 'I need love' but back then I was all about that initial rush. Now I know nothing beats a steady and reliable friend who knows what makes you tick.

Did you even read the post reeba? There was no rush of emotions and lust. They have been friends for four years and she wants to remain friends. The guy is the one saying that they are gf/bf and is trying to pressure her into marrying him.

To Dear: I think that anyone who tries to "pressure" someone into marrying them is a jerk and not worthy of the person who they are trying to pressure. Chances are that this guy has been building up to this from the very beginning. She needs to either tell him that "it is never going to happen and to get over it" or simply cut contact with him if he cannot drop the issue. If she allows herself to be pressured into marriage how do you think her life will be? Chances are that he will rule her entire existence. I don't know a whole lot about the laws in India, but from what I understand a married woman has way less rights than her husband. I saw a bride slapped on her wedding day in front of her entire family by the groom because she didn't react fast enough to something that the groom wanted. She just pulled her veil down and cried. It disgusted me, but I doubt that it is uncommon there. Any guy who is demanding or overbearing BEFORE marriage will definitely be even more so after. That is doubly true in your society, so be careful of who you or your friend accept as a marriage mate.