Hypothetical "Guy". Would love a ladies POV

[Graham Berkeley]

Got a hypothetical situation and would love some of you ladies POV's on:

- You come into contact with a guy via friends or at work or Facebook mutual friends.

- Hes between a 7 and a 8.2 on good looks scale. Broad football shoulders and decent arms and maybe looks like James Dean or Leonardo Dicaprio; I.E. he looks like a white guy with a great smile and boyish charm to him. Maybe he has just a bit of a gut to him but nothing obese or off putting hes just not a gym bunny.

- In your encounters, via however you originally met him, you find him to be hilarious, quick witted and charming but a bit on the arrogant side but not enough to put you off completely. You find he has some nerdy traits as a hobby like reading graphic novels or plays Xbox or listens to physics lectures in his spare time. Not deal breaking but enough to show hes a bit young and a bit idealistic.

- You come to find he makes 6 figures a year, maybe he even owns some property, and is well liked and regarded by his peers or coworkers or whatever people you came to meet him through. Some of them look up to him.

- You learn he is single and seems to get a lot of attention from girls but as far a you can tell he isn't the chasing type nore the douchey take advantage of you type.

Questions
1. Why would you think he is single?
2. How would you convey your interest in him?

[Take2]

I wouldn't know why he was single, I would possibly ask him. I would convey interest by talking to him, making eye contact, smiling. No differently than how I would convey interest in any guy.

[sadie_genie]

I wouldn't know if he is single. But if I feel a good vibe and connection with him, I would probably ask him if he wants to go to a movies or do something casual together. That would be my way of dropping hints but if he doesn't catch up by asking me out then I wouldn't try anymore because like all women, I would like to be pursued.

[girl68]

1) I would actaully assume he wasn't single.
2) Given my assumption I wouldn't convey interest.

[Graham Berkeley]

1) I would actaully assume he wasn't single.
2) Given my assumption I wouldn't convey interest.

"You learn he is single and seems to get a lot of attention from girls but as far a you can tell he isn't the chasing type nore the douchey take advantage of you type."

Why wouldn't you assume he is single?

This hypothetical guy is based off a guy I work with that I've gotten to be buddies with in the last couple months. He's highly respectful towards women and certainly has enough mojo to land a decent woman. At first I thought he was gay but in conversation a few weeks ago I asked him why he was single and he said something to the effect: "Most girls suffer from very low self-esteem and need to be chased to be validated. I don't want a girl I want a woman. If she can't recognize what she has in me whats the point?"

I get what he is saying but I think he is being a little unrealistic. I'd be curious ot get the ladies input on this...

[girl68]

I missed that.

I suspect the reason then is that women do not think they measure up. Despite how sweet, caring, non douche bag like he REALLY is, I would presume he could still get "better than me". For the record, I think I'm a great catch however, I do have a lot of insecurity. Still though, I am able to go after a guy if I want. However I go after men I think I can get and this "hypothetical guy" seems too good to be true aka (too good for me).

[red_sparrow]

i would never be interested in someone like that.

too boring.

[red_sparrow]

on that note, why would you assume someone like that is TAKEN versus being single? what's the appeal.
you have there outlined a few criteria that you believe objectively define what women look for in a man:

1. sports
2. some nerdiness (no.. we hate nerds, actually, and we hate guys who play video games)
3. money

some of us look for offbeat characters, actually, rather than the standard 'boyish football nerdy x-box player' guy.

[vertical_sky]

But in conversation a few weeks ago I asked him why he was single and he said something to the effect: "Most girls suffer from very low self-esteem and need to be chased to be validated. I don't want a girl I want a woman. If she can't recognize what she has in me whats the point?"

Ugh now I know why he’s single… cause he sounds full of himself. I get not wanting to pursue all the time, and I completely understand not wanting to play games or be with a girl that does the whole “hard to get” routine. I hate games. But it also seems HE’S playing a game as well, expecting women to pursue HIM, and if a girl doesn’t, she’s not a “woman.”

Okay, first, most girls don’t pursue because we’ve been socially conditioned NOT to. Girls somehow have to juggle all these differing definitions of femininity, and guys like this don’t make it any easier. Women these days are expected to be independent, aggressive (pursuing) and strong… but not TOO independent or TOO aggressive or TOO strong. We’re still told not to beat a guy in a game, or come on too strong (“If you have to pursue him, he’s not interested.” –He’s Just Not That Into You), or be too independent.

None of it equates to low self-esteem; it's not that simple. It's trying to balance who you are with social expectations of what you should be. A non-gendered example are manners. Sometimes, you're pissed and you don't WANT to say "Thank you" to the goddamn woman at the grocery store, but the social expectation is you should.

This guy, instead of just treating women as individual people with their own personality, and maybe trying to understand why they are the way they are, just lumps ‘em into groups (“Girls” vs “Women”) and searches for very specific criteria before he’ll even give a girl a shot. He’s doing the exact same thing he chastises the “girls” for doing.

[warriormaiden]

^^you got it down to a science.
I totally agree. Wanting to be pursued has nothing to do with confidence. Most men even LIKE the chase.

I know why this guy's single. He has a serious ego problem, and needs to get over himself. If I met him myself I would have to contain myself from barfing in to his face. There's nothing I hate more than an arrogant man.

[red_sparrow]

i think so; i think that's intuitively correct. if a man cares about a woman, he'll like the chase.