Confused

[Alice01]

I have been with my boyfriend for just over a year and a half recently he broke up with me because I am at uni and he has just started a new job so thought it would be less stressful for us both to focus on these things. This was obviously really hurtful and I was too upset to talk to him and after that he keep texting me and trying to call me for a few days saying we should be friends at least and that he desperately wanted to talk to me so after about a week I spoke to him online and he basically spent hours begging to have me back and that he'd made a mistake so i agreed to meet with him to talk it through and we decided to stay together. But instead of being officially together most people think we are broken up and he doesnt want us to be properly together as he says we should 'see how things go' and if things can hard again being away from each other we should break up. Since then I havn't been happy with the situation as I feel this should be on my terms if anything since he was the one that decided to break up with me and now I feel like I am not properly with him and when I mention it he says I'm moaning and that we need to see how it goes. As its coming up to christmas I asked him if we were still going to buy each other presents and he said no as itd be a waste if we broke up again before then and I got so upset and I got really angry at him. I'm so confused right now sometimes I feel like he treats me really badly as he never visits me at uni and he hasn't exactly made any effort to see me even though I feel like he should be making up to me after hurting me badly but its like I am being put through all this upset and hurt just to wait and see whether he thinks itl work. I keep thinking about little things like he hardly ever comes round my house when im at home and I always have to drive to him because im the one with the car. And i lend him money and buy him stuff all the time but he never does it for me. He always promises to get me amazing presents or talks about things we could do together but he never takes me out even when i suggest things. Also, when I go home I have lost touch with my old group of mates and so I feel really lonely as he has never invited me out with his friends even when they bring their girlfriends or have a party or something and when he broke up with me he organised a massive reunion party for about 100 people with all of my old friends and after we sort of got back together I asked why I wasn't invited and it really upset me and he said that if we were still together at the time I could come. Sorry for ranting I just feel so confused I dont even know what to think about the whole thing anymore I keep second guessing myself and wonder if im being too harsh or grumpy or emotional about it all I love him so much but I feel really hurt all the time and everytime i try to talk about it with him he says hes a good boyfriend and that im being unfair and that i agreed to seeing how it goes but to me that doesnt even make any sense because he says he loves me so much and doesnt want anyone else but at the same time he wants to see how it goes.....so confusing...

[Gratedwasabi]

It sounds like he's using you, honestly. He wants you to give him all the things he wants but he doesn't want to put in any sort of work to cater to your feelings and wants. Now he's found himself an even BETTER situation! He gets all of the same things except he gets to be single to everyone except you. He can go hang with his friends, go to wild parties, etc.. all without any guilt or remorse over whether he's being unfaithful because you've accepted the new terms of the relationship.

If this is how things are after a year and a half, there's probably not too much to gain. I'd suggest letting it go; it doesn't sound like you really like how he treats you, anyway.

[foreverlove]

wow... why are there so many messed up guys out there? You need to be honest with him and tell him that if he wants to be with you, it isn't going to be a hidden relationship, and you are not going to tolerate his "walk on eggshells" attitude. big HUGS