If I can't make him trust him, what should I do?

[accodata]

My boyfriend has constant doubts about my honesty. I assume it's because of his ex-girlfriend's betrayal. He thinks I lie to him and in all honesty I have never lied to him and have no intention of lying to him. The situations he accuses me of are becoming more and more farfetched. He'll call me with a scenario he believes me to have been involved in and each time suggests that we need to break up, because he convinces himself that they're true before confronting me about it.

[missnw]

I have been through this...I know how you feel and I feel bad for you. For me, it got so bad that he was going through my cell phone when I was sleeping at night. I felt really bad like I wasn't making him feel like he was the only one or I was a bad girlfriend because I didn't make him feel special enough. Then someone pointed out to me, sometimes people are insecure about things they are guily of themselves. If there is no reason for him to go off of, then it seems strange that he is doing this. He is clearly insecure, and its possible he is doing something sketchy if he is always accusing you of it. He is insecure. Do your best to make him feel good, but don't apoligize! That indicates you're doing something wrong and you're not!

[devonbrown]

I agree with missnw. I had the same thought that maybe he was trying to hide his own guilt and sort of force a breakup. If nothing else though, he needs to deal with the reasons he can't trust someone. I agree as well that you shouldn't apologize if you have done nothing wrong.
Depending on the seriousness of your relationship, I would also suggest that couples counseling might be beneficial. It could help him open up a little bit and give you a little more insight into his concerns. Maybe you are doing something, saying something, while innocent to you, triggers something in him that reminds him of when he was betrayed before. Having a counselor help you two could help bring that to the surface.
Good luck!

[accodata]

He's betrayed his ex-girlfriend also. We've only been together for a couple of months, and after some time established that we should be 'casual'. Although I didn't do anything with any other guy during the 'casual' period, he admitted to having made out with a girl, which doesn't bother me. I don't think it's necessary to go to counseling. He seems to have developed the idea that since I'm 6 years younger than him, that I want to sleep with every guy. It's difficult to explain to him that I'm not like that.
It's beginning to irritate me that he's this paranoid. Eg. when he calls and I don't answer, he'll assume I'm with another guy. On my Facebook a classmate commented on my wall, to which another girl commented on his post, then the guy I'm seeing convinced himself that the girl who commented on my classmate's post was an alter ego that I created under a different name, so that I could live a double life. I'm glad that he can confront me about it, despite suggesting that we break each time he creates a new scenario, but at the same time how can I be sure that he won't betray me if he once more convinces himself that I'm with another guy?

[MerryH]

You're glad he can confront you about it? I don't think you have the right attitude about this. You should be pissed off that he's confronting you with ridiculous bullshit (An alter-ego? Really?) that he makes up in his head. You should be pissed that he doesn't trust you in any way, and you should be pissed that he tries to break up with you all the time when you've done nothing wrong. Do yourself a favor and find another guy that doesn't think you're a lying, cheating slut and who won't make you feel bad for things you didn't do.

[xxazurexx]

Aren't you the same poster who was chasing your male friend a couple of weeks back, wondering if he'd call you after you gave him your number?

[url]http://www.loveforum.net/love-advice-forum/47871-will-he-call.html#post648699[/url]

Yet another story from a month back:

[url]http://www.loveforum.net/love-advice-forum/47457-friends-more.html#post644720[/url]

You say you've been with your bf 2 months?

He obviously has good cause not to trust you.

Some people in these forums, have good memories....you be best to remember that.

[reeba]

I believe your question is what can you do to make him trust you? There is ABSOLUTELY nothing you can do to make the situation better. So my advice is leave him. And regarding your 'other posts', stop being a psycho troll and leave the poor guy alone.

Sometimes people have a REAL GOOD REASON to not trust someone. Maybe you should do some soul searching on yourself and wonder if you have done anything in the past that makse you undeserving of his trust. Even if there is no way he could know of past indescretions, but people often have good intuition.

[twinrexes]

You said, "We've only been together for a couple of months, and after some time established that we should be 'casual'. Although I didn't do anything with any other guy during the 'casual' period, he admitted to having made out with a girl, which doesn't bother me." But the two posters before me have a good point. According to one of your other posts, you slept with a guy (no sex) and gave your number to another, then obsessed about whether he's call. Does that count as not doing anything?

Anyway, even if you ARE lying or a troll, I still think the picture you've painted of this guy is disturbing. I was engaged to someone like that and it ended up being a deal breaker. He was paranoid about all kinds of things, not just me. I started to feel he was having me followed (he implied as much) and enough was enough. Turned out after the fact that he had a little cocaine habit he forgot to tell me about. Certain drugs can make you very paranoid. So if for no reason other then to enlighten members of the forum, I wanted to point out that mind altering substances can turn regular people into pyschos!