Trying to Move On

[seganomics]

My boyfriend and I dated for a year and a half. After an incident he interpreted as a suicide threat he broke up with me.

I am doing what I can to make this break up as healthy as possible. I can not be friends with him right now because I still love him and being friends would be too painful. He does not feel like the relationship will be salvageable.

I applied for grad school, been going to therapy, working out, pursing hobbies, and spending time with friends and family.

It’s been a month and I'm still deeply emotional about this relationship. I get the feeling this is not mutual at all and I would like some advice on how to move on.

I’m doing my best to not contact him, and live my own life, but there is still this desire to work things out and I miss him every day.

Any advice on how to keep my mind occupied or when an appropriate time to try and discuss things would be appreciated.

[meshulam]

i think he left because he was thinking you are dangerous to yourself and no one want to have this responsibility.
you should try to get busy and live your life as a normal, healthy person, when you'll do that for a while, if he will still be relevant, he will understand you are OK and he had a mistake.

hopes that helps....

[Ray Bork]

You dated your guy for a year and a half, so still having strong feelings to work things out is perfectly understandable. You obviously scared him off with his view that you made a suicide threat. You say you have been having therapy, Is there more to your story which has made him say the relationship is over for good. You will always care about him, isn't it better to have him as a good friend than never to see him again? Could you not give it more time and then see him, when you are feeling a lot better.
You are missing him a lot, and I am sure he misses you just as much.

Good luck.

[seganomics]

It had to do with a cutting incident. I wish I had a better grasp on what actually caused the break-up. From my perspective it seems like he mistook a text message (a poor choice of communication I know) for a threat to manipulate him. Whether this incident was a deal breaker or the excuse to get out I don't know.

I'm worried if I agree to be friends I'll start resenting him for not wanting to make the relationship work, for not having the feelings I have, and for always wanting more. That doesn't seem healthy and seems unfair to both of us.

Maybe in time I won't love him either, but right now I have so many questions I need to answer before I can even think about if a friendship is the approriate transition for this break up.

[MerryH]

Any advice on how to keep my mind occupied or when an appropriate time to try and discuss things would be appreciated.

Focus on therapy and hobbies and all the other things you listed. Why do you need to discuss things with him? I'm sure he gave you his reasons for breaking up with you. Any discussion would just involve you trying to convince him he misinterpreted you and attempting to get back together with him, no? Being friends with him will probably just interfere with you trying to work through your issues that caused this in the first place.

[Boisdevie]

Getting over someone takes time and one month is not a long time. You just have to be strong and carry on. Or get out dating and meet someone else.

[BeingAlpha]

I would say with having dated as long as you did - you really won't start to feel better about things until well into the 3/4 month mark. But the only way to do that is to complete cut off contact...not cut off contact with the hopes that he will contact you but cut off contact with the intent to cut off contact....period. What I mean by that is ignore any text or IM or phone call. ALL of it.. trust me if he is sincere at all in an attempt to get back together with you -- he will become as desperate as you were to get ahold of him. Day by day you will see how much easier it is and how much lighter your heart feels. We are here on this forum to support you -- we aren't like your friends who are already tired of hearing about how much it hurts, how much you miss him etc...

Its okay to cry..its okay to whine to us .. we'll always listen and most of the time we will respond in a supportive way -- sometimes we'll just get downright tough love though -- part of the dynamic here and its a good thing.