Date for 1 month, now complicated. Need advice please?!?

[emilygam2010]

please take the time to read my story and help out. i would appreciate it thanks

I met a guy in college about one month ago. We hit it off really great and spent almost every day together just hanging out and getting to know each other. I told him i was a virgin on the second date and he was very supportive of it. We we physical most of the time we spent together but never had sex. He told me he wanted to but respected that I wanted a relationship before I did it. We talked a little about having a relationship later on and he said he could definitely see himself dating me and he was excited for the future with me but he just didn't want to jump into a relationship now and he was scared.

Him and his ex broke up about 6 months ago after being together for 2 1/2 years.

About a week and a half ago, we had sex. It was a mistake on my part and I was caught up in the moment. After we had sex, we didn't talk anymore about being serious and just went with the flow. We texted every day like usual and he asked me on another day date for later in the week. Then, about 3 days later, everything changed.
He stopped making effort to contact me or call me back. I panicked to say the least and called him twice the next day and left him a text message.
He finally texted me back the next day making up an excuse that he didn't have his phone.
He said everything was fine but i could tell it wasn't. i asked him if having sex changed anything for him and he said that it did not and he was sorry for making me feel like he ignored me. later on he sent another text that said "i don't want to hurt you"
I replied with "what do you mean? do you still feel the same way about me?" he never responded.
i gave him another text later that day and said that we need to talk. he never responded. i finally freaked out and told him that i was going to come over there where he was and talk if he won't answer back. that scared him into answering and he said we could meet up later that night.

He came over and i pretty much had to force it out of him that he didn't really want a relationship and he didn't know what happened. He couldn't explain much. He also said he was feeling depressed right now.

i texted him later than night and asked him what he wanted from me. did he want things to go back to normal or did he want space? he said "i dont really know what i need right now. it sucks trying to figure it out" so i just told him i would give him his space and he said "im sorry i feel like ****"

so thats pretty much the whole story. We haven't contacted each other for about a week now

I am all for giving him his space to figure things out but i wanted to know if it would be appropriate for me to send him a text or email later on to explain why i acted so needy. i do not usually act like that and i would like him to know

also do you think he was just using me for sex and then ran when he got what he wanted? he really seemed genuine the entire time

thanks for your advice

[Sonrisa]

it seems that he was honest about his needs from you. what else is there?

[RockNRoll]

You don't need to explain yourself, that would be needy. He was trying to avoid talking to you, when you obviously wanted to know what's on his mind.
He is supposed to get serious now, but he is not sure about it. Give him and yourself time and space.
You should take care of your feelings now and get ready to move on.

[girl68]

Think he got what he wanted. Please save your face and stop contacting him.

[vashti]

He probably ALSO got carried away in the moment, like you, and didn't intend to hurt you. BUT, he still doesn't want a relationship.

Don't beat yourself up. It's not a catastrophe - just an opportunity for learning. Don't contact him again. He knows how to find you, and what you want. Don't grovel.

[wellami]

I agree entirely with RockNRoll - you don't need to explain yourself. It is completely clear why you sent the texts etc. and I wouldn't say it was needy.

As for the rest of the situation I'd say there are two possibilities here. One is that girl68 is right and he just got what he wanted and is moving on. The other is that he did quite clearly say he wasn't ready for a relationship just yet. Splitting up with somebody can be tricky and take time to get over. You've made it very clear that when you have sex with someone it would be because you were very serious about them and wanted a relationship. If he believes that, it is possible he also got caught up in the moment and now is worried that the signal he has sent you is that he wants a relationship.

Either way, and I'm sorry to say this, it sounds like he doesn't really know what he wants and has a few problems of his own to sort out first. Whether girl68 is right or wrong (and I hate to even suggest she is wrong as she has been very helpful on one of my posts!) I think the end result might just be the same. He doesn't want a serious relationship. He might give it a bit of a go out of guilt but in the end it won't be that satisfactory for either of you. And you'll get hurt. Or more hurt than you already are. I'd give him all the space you can but as RockNRoll said, sadly I'd say be prepared to take care of your feelings now before the situation gets any worse and be ready to move on.