Paying for dates?

[Regnent]

Responsible? wtf?
That's messed up.

[Take2]

I think setting up tests and rules the other person doesn't know about is a bad idea in dating. One wonderful guy might have been raised to insist on paying 100% of a first date and hold all doors as a sign of respect, an equally wonderful guy may have been raised to go halves and let everyone open their own doors as a sign of respect. Similarly, one wonderful woman may have been raised to allow a man to pay and hold doors as a sign of appreciation and another equally wonderful woman might have been raised to show appreciation by sharing the door-holding and splitting the bill. These are not the sort of details that make or break happy relationships, so it is dumb to base ANY decisions based on something so variable.

I was raised in the southern US, and it feels more normal for me that the guy pay and hold doors on a first date. But if a guy doesn't do either, as long as he shows his respect and interest in other ways, no big deal. In my last relationship, the guy told me after a few weeks that money was tight and he wanted to see me more often than he could afford to treat, and asked if we could alternate paying-I appreciated his honesty and non-judgemental approach and was fine with that. Currently, I am with a more old-fashioned guy who constantly pays for me and very rarely accepts offers to pay for him. That's also fine with me, as long as there is no resentment on his part (and it appears there is not).

[iamkayelem]

I guess I'm kind of old school, but I feel the guy should pay the whole bill every time while in the dating stage. If you get involved in a serious relationship, then I don't see a problem letting a girl pay if she offers.

[cohen_girl]

For me it's always depended on the guy I was dating. I've dated guys who were poor and couldn't afford to take me out, and I try not to let economic hardships get in the way of relationship. If Mr. Right is out there and I overlook him because he's poor, then I'd rather be out a few bucks and happy with him, then never go out with him and miss out on something potentially great. I've paid for my dates before if they were poor (or poorer than me at least, lol) and with some guys I've split the bill, and with other guys they've had a lot of money and paid every time (even dated one guy who was in debt, but insisted on paying for my meals because it was the proper thing to do). I brought this up because it can be a sensitive issue and most guys don't even like to talk about it or they will never bring it up, there are also so many varying attitudes about it. I won't lie, I do like it when men pay for me, I think it shows respect and it mirrors some of the traditional values I was brought up with. Even if I split the check with him, or pay for both him and myself, I don't usually mind, but I'd like to think that if he were in a financial position to pay he would (exceptions being on special occasions where I want to treat him, like his birthday or bringing him chicken soup when he's sick, etc.). I don't veiw myself as a leach, I don't need a man to pay for my meals, it's just nice when he does, and I make it a point to thank him everytime. My expectations are different depending on the relationship, if he's got a job in the food service industry, then i'll expect to be spliting the bill more often, if he has a huge bank account and spends more on a pair of sunglasses than I make in a week, I will usually expect him to pay.

[lennox]

some girls alway expect the guy to pay for dinner and most expenses.

here in saigon, vietnam girls order the most expensive plates and drinks, eat like they've been starving for a year, even call their friends and family to come and dine while you're out with them.

it's disgusting and unattractive. it speaks volumes about a person.

in the states, there were times when my ex used to ask me to dinner. and i would have to pay.

it gets annoying when one person carries 2 people's weight. splitting the bill seems odd for some people.

but i say, if you're not marrying her - forget paying too much.

and most dudes pay to get laid, not out of generosity. cause when they've paid too many times and see a rate of return, peace!