Waiting is the hardest part

[DLArmstrong]

After weeks of fun, the woman I've been dating has slowed down. ..way down. I talked to her about it and she told me she's going through some s**t and doesn't want to drag me into it. I get that, and I told her so... but it hurts because we were having so much fun and it felt great...and it came without warning. She told me I did nothing wrong and that it wasn't me.

So now comes the waiting part. Staying in touch...trusting what she said, and hoping that I'll get to see her again.

I deleted her number from my phone...not because I don't want to talk or text... just the opposite...I know myself...I'll smother her with texts and calls. She has my number...I told her to call when she wants to talk or get together. This is a relationship worth the wait. She's awesome.

And so...

[paganangel]

I am having a similar problem. He started out all hot and heavy and said that he regretted that he should have taken it slower and then slowed the relationship right down. I have in the past played the mind game with myself where I delete the number to remove the temptation.

But there is satisfaction by resisting temptation by finding things to do to occupy yourself while you wait. The last time I had a long wait I started writing a list of 101 things I can do instead of calling him. When I get to the end of that list I will start doing them. The key here is distraction then eventually you will discover you have a life of your own.

It's hard, I know, but if you want it to work you have to be willing to have faith that she will come back and if she doesn't then she doesn't meet your needs.

[Boisdevie]

She might be cooling off - I know that when my GF is having a hard time she wants me there - to give her love, support, hugs etc

[DLArmstrong]

I stayed busy the last couple weeks. But I did yield to the temptation to call. She didn't have a problem talking to me, but I could tell by her voice that she was not in a happy place. But ... last night SHE CALLED ME. We joked and talked. What a breath of fresh air. I guess that: "If you love someone, set them free ..." proverb has merit. Very cool.

[TheScottj]

Hello,

The waiting is one of the most self conscious parts of a relationship, its one of those times when the thoughts " will we work out, did i do something wrong, whats wrong with me " start flying around your head. Causing anxiety and sometimes even depression. You did well in giving her space and freedom. But i will also always tell her that if she needs anything, advice, an escape, comfort, even someone to vent her frustrations on. That i would be there to help in anyway i could. Something like that can comfort your partner and let her feel like she isn't tackling it alone.

Best of luck with the future.
Scott

[DLArmstrong]

Thank you. And also I'm well aware that a relationship is a two way thing. This woman is special to me. I've known her for some years on a friendship level. And now it's a lot closer and I'm doing my homework on this one.

[damn2010]

Unfortunately what often happens with women (and men) is they get involved with someone when they have so much s**t going on in their life (work stress, school, other issues, etc.). They believe they can help distract themselves a little by being with someone or whatever. Mostly they end up seeing the relationship as another 'burden' , another 'responsibility', another 'stress' and it's easier to ditch that then to drag it into the problems. My last relationship ended like this...granted I did make some mistakes, but nothing stupid or bad.

Your girl is being honest and cool about all that and you're playing it cool by giving her space and room. The point also is to keep all your conversations light-hearted and casual with NO pressure.

Not to make you feel bad but I would also make sure you also start to have a part of you "keep busy" and start doing things for yourself. This really is 50-50% territory right now where she might want to continue things or might even let things drop off and choose to remain friends.

Good luck!

[DLArmstrong]

I get that and that's what I'm doing. Looking at myself and using this time to evaluate things about myself. I'm a musician and DJ so I'm staying busy. But we talk on the phone once in a while to stay close.