Detached

[red_sparrow]

my bf's emotional detachment is starting to wear me down.
I sometimes don't even feel like he's there. He'd rather watch TV or write or go on the computer than talk to me. It's like he needs to constantly be doing something; his mind is always uneasy. what i want to do is communicate with him, but this is so hard. we've been dating for roughly 6 months, and it gets worse / better at times.. at first i thought he just liked to talk a lot. but i don't think it's normal. and he has a history of substance abuse as well as some thought disorders that run in his family.

he is a wonderful person and i'm just worried about what to do. i told him how i felt yesterday.. ALL of it. i am going to wait for him to change and be more attentive, or else i cannot deal with it. if i go too much into it, he'll tell me that he doesn't want to hear it anymore. i do talk about it a lot, but its because most of the time i can't even communicate with him like normal people do. we can't even have a conversation because he's always changing topics or whatever.

i can't believe this went on for so long =[ it's entirely my fault for not doing something about it, and just going with the flow.

[damn2010]

How old are the both of you?

He could have a social anxiety disorder. There is a mild one called asperger syndrome you might want to look up.

[red_sparrow]

People in his family have it. He might have symptoms of it but not the actual thing. i know you should accept people for who they really are but i deserve to be happy.
also, asperger's is not social anxiety. Lol. its a thought disorder and a branch off of autism. he's really intelligent but has an interest in weird things.. and also because of this he's been fairly isolated most of his life (despite having an active social life). most of the time, people just don't care about what he's saying.

[Sonrisa]

what weird things?

[Boisdevie]

Look honey, if he's not giving you the type of relationship you want then leave him - if he won't communicate it's not your fault.

[red_sparrow]

what weird things?

not really 'weird' things, but people with it tend to talk about the same topics over and over. there are a few things he always wants to talk about, and it interferes in social interaction because--for example--there will be a group of people at a party talking about philosophy, and he'll jump in and start talking about comic books. a lot of the time people will leave the conversation because they find they get bored with him. its kind of weird. i notice it because im with him a lot, and i know his family history.

[red_sparrow]

Look honey, if he's not giving you the type of relationship you want then leave him - if he won't communicate it's not your fault.

thanks, and you're right. it isn't. but i blame myself because it's been so long, mainly. =[ its my fault for not acknowledging this earlier. BUT.. in my defense, he does have a problem because everytime i bring this up, he dismisses it. he just says 'its ok.' he won't know when i break up that i want to do it because everything is always 'OK' for him. i feel he wasn't brought up in a loving / caring home, and this made him emulate the behaviour of his parents. he told me that he just doesnt like showing his feelings because he did that before and got hurt. but that is NOT healthy. and as interesting as he is, i dont like his negative attitude toward life / people.

[xxazurexx]

If this man has a problem and it is something that runs in his family, then you may always have this problem. You either live with it and be accepting of the kind of man he is, or you can leave.

[red_sparrow]

If this man has a problem and it is something that runs in his family, then you may always have this problem. You either live with it and be accepting of the kind of man he is, or you can leave.

yeah, i know.
breaking up will be hard, but sometimes its necessary. and i have a lot of support from family / friends.