Founded On Real Love

[Confuuzed]

Hey all,

I've been with a girl for three months, but throughout the relationship I've had the same fear and been quite troubled by it.

Personally, I tend to mostly hook up with girls, and only immerse myself in a relationship when I feel a genuine connection and get the idea that it could be mutually serious.

My girlfriend, conversely, is rarely ever alone, and within the past year and a half she has gone no more than a few weeks without a boyfriend/a consistent hook up. There was a time when she wasn't involved, but that was simply due to work constraints where she wasn't meeting guys and simply had no time.

Although I have real feelings for my girlfriend, I feel a bit insecure about whether or not our relationship is pure or genuine. I'm leaving myself vulnerable to some criticism, but I really want my relationships to be founded on real feelings that transcend hooking up, just "having fun," or getting involved merely because someone else likes you.

The fact that she is constantly with a guy leads me to believe, in the worst of times, that she loves the attention of a man, and that I am merely the next in line.

My girlfriend routinely says that she is infatuated with me and is in love with me, but I sometimes think that she doesn't know the meaning of real love, and that I'm just better than the truly awful boyfriends that she's had before. On that note, she has told every single boyfriend (5 straight) that she loved them not a month into their relationships, and most ended up dumping her because it got too serious too quickly for their liking.

I know that I'm coming off as super insecure, but any advice would be really appreciated.

Thanks and happy Christmas.

[damn2010]

Sounds like this girl is co-dependent and really has not much time to discover "herself" as thus she finds security in being with someone.

You on the other hand are used to taking a girl, using her for your needs and throwing her out...so now you are finding yourself in the unique position that YOU might end up being used and thrown out. A little of your own medicine huh?

Best advice for you. Keep the relationship light and fun, use it as your "test flight" to see how you handle being in something long-term with a girl. Honestly though as you get older, girls won't deal with guys who can't commit or won't treat them with respect.

It seems like this girl likes the comfort of being with someone (perhaps she has past family issues which lead her to latch onto someone) and of course is going to adore attention.

Keep this relationship as a test flight. Stay keen to red flags, and figure that this girl might not be someone for the long run. If you don't feel comfortable, then just bail out. Maybe the girl gets attached quickly and if she's a good girl, sometimes that isn't a bad thing, but keep in mind that there are two sides to each story. She could have her issues, but so could all her past b/fs

[RockNRoll]

You seem to know too much of her history and judge her based on it, rather than on her current actions. Maybe you are right on some points, but you are over thinking it.
You can't have any guarantee. Keep it light and move slowly, time will show.

[SelflessnHumble]

I tend to mostly hook up with girls, and only immerse myself in a relationship when I feel a genuine connection and get the idea that it could be mutually serious.

Good man! This is a great thing but one word jumps out at me: "mutually."

Make no mistake...past behavior can definitely play a role in how a person acts in the present/future.
The fact you know her history doesn't (to me) mean you are over thinking it because how else
do you establish a baseline for a mate without knowing them?

I feel a bit insecure about whether or not our relationship is pure or genuine. I'm leaving myself vulnerable to some criticism, but I really want my relationships to be founded on real feelings that transcend hooking up, just "having fun," or getting involved merely because someone else likes you.

There is nothing wrong with feeling this way!
Most people simply do not know that their true intentions are revealed via their words and actions (not their thoughts)
How does she treat you?
How does she speak to you?

The fact that she is constantly with a guy leads me to believe, in the worst of times, that she loves the attention of a man, and that I am merely the next in line.

THIS is entirely possible but also consider another possibility...
YOU have the opportunity (via your affirmation and involving her) to change her point of view whatever that may be.
She could have been hurt once before and has perhaps not felt that connection you have had before with another.

My girlfriend routinely says that she is infatuated with me and is in love with me, but I sometimes think that she doesn't know the meaning of real love

Ask yourself this...
HOW can she know the meaning of real love IF she has never experienced it, nor has been "shown" real love?
Most women equate love with sex because they are emotional based.

and most ended up dumping her because it got too serious too quickly for their liking.

Based on this I am going to go out on a limb and say she is pretty attractive and while she seems to be looking for
love (and does what any girl that wants to hold onto that "feeling" does: gives another man herself)
She is used to being used because no other guy has appreciated her.
Will YOU appreciate her? You may even come to find that if you do show her love...you might scare her off...
which can happen due to her lack of experience with love and relationships in general.

I know that I'm coming off as super insecure, but any advice would be really appreciated.
Thanks and happy Christmas.

It is normal to feel this way but one thing that strikes me odd is that in your very first post I quoted
you had stated you only get with girls you feel a mutual/genuine connection.
A connection takes two people yet you sound like only she has the connection with you, not you with her?