Don't know what to do about my ex

[distilled]

So my ex and I are both in out mid twenties. We met in college, became good friends, and then started dating. That didn't last long as I broke up with her about 3 months later for BS reasons. Over the years we still saw each other once in a while but we both knew nothing was going to happen between us. So, fast forward 5 years later and things start to get interesting.

Earlier this year I contacted her just to see how she was doing, we ended up hanging out together and it was nice to catch up again. As the year progressed we became really close friends. It started out with us doing stuff together once a month and now we hang out almost every weekend and text each other regularly. I don't know why but during this period I have developed strong romantic feelings for her. She has a boyfriend that she has been with for over 2 years - they met in college but now he lives in a different state so they've been doing the long distance thing.

Whenever we hang out we always have a great time. But what's confusing the hell out of me is how she acts around me. She always wants to get close to me, is always smiling and making strong eye contact. She tells me that she always has a blast hanging out with me. Is she just being supper friendly?

So I don't know wtf to do. I am NOT going to get in the way of her current relationship but I am crazy about her. Do you guys think it's a good idea to talk to her and tell her how I feel? Do I do nothing and just wait and see. Or should I just forget about her and try to keep myself detached?

Thanks for any feedback.

[damn2010]

Right now it sounds like she is just having a good time reconnecting her friendship with you and it's "comforting" to her to have a close male friend. However, because of the distance of her boyfriend, she could really be starting to be re-attracted to you.

Honestly, don't read too much into her "being close" or whatever, unless it is flirty or more than normal for a male friend. She has a boyfriend and if YOU make a move and she was being "super-friendly" the whole time, you'll look like a fool and you'll lose her as a friend.

The best is keep doing what you're doing and if she is genuinely interested in you again, SHE is going to be the one to make the move.

[Boisdevie]

Sounds like she is playing with you. SHe has a boyfriend so my advice - cut loose from her and find somebody else. This girl likes the attention. Don't give her any.

[distilled]

Thx, the more I think about it the more it looks like she just wants a "friend" right now. I'm okay with that and not going to get too attached.

[SelflessnHumble]

So my ex and I are both in out mid twenties. We met in college, became good friends, and then started dating. That didn't last long as I broke up with her about 3 months later for BS reasons. Over the years we still saw each other once in a while but we both knew nothing was going to happen between us. So, fast forward 5 years later and things start to get interesting.

Earlier this year I contacted her just to see how she was doing, we ended up hanging out together and it was nice to catch up again. As the year progressed we became really close friends. It started out with us doing stuff together once a month and now we hang out almost every weekend and text each other regularly. I don't know why but during this period I have developed strong romantic feelings for her. She has a boyfriend that she has been with for over 2 years - they met in college but now he lives in a different state so they've been doing the long distance thing.

Why are you still friends with your ex that you dumped for BS reasons.
What reasons were these?
Why after knowing you dumped her would you want to see how she was doing?
You became friends with your ex and text each other regularly...(see where I'm going?)
And you wonder why you have developed strong romantic feelings for her??? THIS^^^ is why!

She has a boyfriend so filling the void seemed to be your little niche.
How do you think he would feel knowing that her ex was taking her out on the weekends???

She always wants to get close to me, is always smiling and making strong eye contact. She tells me that she always has a blast hanging out with me. Is she just being supper friendly?

Isn't it obvious? Women love affirmation and intimacy.
Most women will find it if they don't get it...Smiling doesn't mean anything but
giving you strong eye contact could mean she is trying to egg you on to make a move.
If this is the case she is inviting you to cheat with her on her BF. -a red flag-

So I don't know wtf to do. I am NOT going to get in the way of her current relationship but I am crazy about her. Do you guys think it's a good idea to talk to her and tell her how I feel? Do I do nothing and just wait and see. Or should I just forget about her and try to keep myself detached?

This is wtf you should do:

(1) You need to reevaluate your priorities in life and in your mind.
(2) If you feel you have learned from your mistakes (citing BS reasons for dumping her)
(3) You need to take her to a calm setting (park, lake, hiking trail) and talk to her...

Sit down with her and without revealing your cards just yet you ask her about her BF.
How he is doing, when she last saw him and what types of plans she has with him in the future.

Everyone does deserve a 2nd chance and for all you know she could be sizing you up for a sequel...
However if she tells you the truth about her BF, and it seems right...Tell her that you apologize
for ending your relationship with her and that you had it all wrong then and just didn't know
then what you now know to be true. (when she asks and she will ask) "what?"

Look her in the eye and tell her (but only do this IF she tells you she isn't in love with him, or doesn't love him)
This would be disastrous for your own future with her IF she still wants her BF in her life...Trust me.

In the other scenario if she says, "of course I love him..."
Then it is imperative you tell her (in the same calm setting as before)

"I've realized where I went wrong pushing you away due to my own selfishness."
"I never thought the moment would come to pass where you would end up back in my life."
"But (and say her name) I can't do this anymore. (if she asks why or "do what?")

Straight up say: "you smile at me and it is addicting, you laugh and it grabs hold of me...
you look at me with those (color) eyes and I begin to fall for you all over again."

Tell her you don't feel comfortable being with her when she has a BF
then tell her "I don't think (insert BF's name here) would appreciate your ex seeing you would he?

Then thank her for the fun times and the memories and tell her that while you
continue to hold these strong feelings deep inside for her while she has a BF
you can no longer "hang out" with her.

[distilled]

Some good points there.

Why are you still friends with your ex that you dumped for BS reasons.
What reasons were these?
Why after knowing you dumped her would you want to see how she was doing?

Simple, I was in college and was looking for excitement. The relationship went stale so I quickly bailed - not proud of that. Several years later I just wanted to see how she was doing, nothing else. I did not expect I would end up feeling like I do now.

Isn't it obvious? Women love affirmation and intimacy.
Most women will find it if they don't get it...

I agree.

Sit down with her and without revealing your cards just yet you ask her about her BF.
How he is doing, when she last saw him and what types of plans she has with him in the future.

She has talked about her boyfriend and she still does love him but the distance is hurting their relationship. I guess I'll just have to talk to her and tell her that what she is doing is confusing. Maybe we can dial down how "close" we are so that neither of us gets hurt. I don't want to just cut her off completely.

We'll see what happens.

[SelflessnHumble]

Simple, I was in college and was looking for excitement. The relationship went stale so I quickly bailed - not proud of that. Several years later I just wanted to see how she was doing, nothing else. I did not expect I would end up feeling like I do now.

There is no doubt in my mind that it was simply no big deal to you to dump
her...so then wondering how someone is doing versus approaching them about it doesn't sound right
considering how you did her and in the manner in which you did it in.

She has talked about her boyfriend and she still does love him but the distance is hurting their relationship. I guess I'll just have to talk to her and tell her that what she is doing is confusing. Maybe we can dial down how "close" we are so that neither of us gets hurt. I don't want to just cut her off completely.

We'll see what happens.

No...See you're doing this wrong and putting it on her.
What she is doing isn't confusing.
You have feelings for her so you are taking IT as confusing> big difference.
If it's hurting her relationship that he is far away then SHE needs to be the one to act on
what she feels is right, not your influence on her and how you feel.

No matter how you think it will be dialed down...YOU will still have these
feelings and guess what? They will only intensify.

[distilled]

Well its been over a month and I thought that I should update this thread. I ended up telling her how I felt. I said that even though I wanted to be more than just friends it was not going to happen and that I did not want to come between her and her boyfriend. I also told her it would be best if we stop contacting each other for a while just so things can settle down. Got a pretty standard reply, she said she was sorry if she led me on and that I was one of her best friend etc ....

I feel like sh*t right now and I miss her but I think this was the best thing to do and I am relieved that I finally told her.