Delete ex from phone?

[hope555]

Hey all,
My ex and I were together for about ten months, when he broke up with me because he felt bad for treating me so poorly and didn't want me to end up hating him. Since then, we've tried to maintain some form of a friendship. At first it was quite reciprocal, where you could tell he missed me so he came over and texted me. But now, we're following the dating pattern of our relationship where again, I'm the one texting him. Even if he texts me first to say hi, I have to keep the conversation going. This is causing me soooooo much frustration. We use blackberry messenger to text. When we were dating, we used to text each other all day everday! Now its frustrating to see how he treats me. There's two reasons that I still put off not deleting him from my blackberry messenger: 1. I don't want to seem like I can't get over him without deleting all signs of him. It gives him too much power and adds to the arrogant jerk he already is, 2. What if he does change and starts acting like the boy I once dated? Deleting him would mean losing that awesome friend he was to me at first. I want to keep things civil and mature....and I don't think deleting him will do that. But he just frustrates me soooooo much as a friend nowdays when he doesn't seem to genuinely care about anyone besides himself. What should I do???

[Boisdevie]

Delete him and move on

[smackie9]

Do not hold onto hope that he will be that wonderful guy you first started dating. It's ovbious his actions speak louder than words......he is showing his true colors, he's a jerk. Deleting him shows power not weakness. It shows you can live without him.

[hope555]

I hear you guys its just mind boggling to me as to who was that guy I first started dating? Was it just a fake version he showed me to try and impress me? He always said he can charm anyone when he wants. I know, even at 26, he literally acts like a complete child...but one day he might grow up. I just don't want to seem like a bitch for just throwing him out of my life because I do see some potential...and there's so few guys out there that I feel that way about

[damn2010]

You know, every day people throw others out of their lives that can be either the best thing for them or the worst. They never know.

If you're sitting there allowing him to be in your life because of the "potential" he might become something greater than he is...you're grasping at straws. He's 26 and the likelihood of him turning his attitude around is much less than ever. Once we get around our mid-20's is when our personalities start to "settle" into what we are.

You have allowed him to "control" your thoughts and emotions be the way he acts. Look, a clear example is that you say "I'm the one that has to keep the conversation going". He has no interest to further speak to you YET you DO because you're obsessed over your connection with him.

Stop keeping you grasp on this guy because there are "so few guys" out there. There are MANY good guys (and girls) out there but you probably are either ignoring or not looking for them because you're so wrapped up on your ex- who maybe SOMEDAY, well...he MIGHT become a a "good guy" haha I doubt it.

[breakupguy]

Hey all,
My ex and I were together for about ten months, when he broke up with me because he felt bad for treating me so poorly and didn't want me to end up hating him. Since then, we've tried to maintain some form of a friendship. At first it was quite reciprocal, where you could tell he missed me so he came over and texted me. But now, we're following the dating pattern of our relationship where again, I'm the one texting him. Even if he texts me first to say hi, I have to keep the conversation going. This is causing me soooooo much frustration. We use blackberry messenger to text. When we were dating, we used to text each other all day everday! Now its frustrating to see how he treats me. There's two reasons that I still put off not deleting him from my blackberry messenger: 1. I don't want to seem like I can't get over him without deleting all signs of him. It gives him too much power and adds to the arrogant jerk he already is, 2. What if he does change and starts acting like the boy I once dated? Deleting him would mean losing that awesome friend he was to me at first. I want to keep things civil and mature....and I don't think deleting him will do that. But he just frustrates me soooooo much as a friend nowdays when he doesn't seem to genuinely care about anyone besides himself. What should I do???

He broke up because he felt bad for treating you poorly? Really? I've never heard of that one before. You have to delete him altogether to keep from using bberry messenger, right (you can't just remove his phone number, as bberry msngr uses your PIN)?

Anyways, I mean no offense, but to me it sounds as if you're not being honest with the real reason why you don't want to remove him, you're holding on, hoping that things get better (which is the real reason, no?), but you're saying you dont' want to seem like you can't get over him without deleting all signs of him. Are you being honest with us, and more importantly, yourself?

[hope555]

Thanks everyone!! I didn't realize that after your mid-twenties, people usually don't change much. I feel like he might be more ready to make a commitment later in life, but basically will be selfish, self-absorbed and arrogant. And thanks breakupguy for making me realize I am in denial. The thing is, when I fall in love with someone, I can't fall out of it no matter what they've done to me or how they've changed. I still hope it can go back to our first few months of dating where we were both each others worlds and nothing else mattered. It hurts to see my first love change his behaviour and it hurts to let him go. I do believe he broke up because he was treating me poorly, probably compounded with bad timing (he is finishing off his phd), and a fear of things starting to get too serious, and a need to want to be single (also, he probably didn't like me as much as I liked him mostly because he's very very narcissistic and self-absorbed). Anyway, I hope by deleting him I'm not creating animosity towards someone that could be a potential in the future. But I guess thinking that way is holding on.....

[breakupguy]

You are right, it is holding on. Cut him off and allow the recovery process to begin, you're missing out on valuable time that you could be using to get to truly know yourself again, and to prepare for your next relationship. Just my opinion.

[hope555]

I just deleted my ex from bbm because the time finally felt right. After four months of mourning and clinging, in the last few days I had an odd change of heart, and even seeing his name on my list made me angry. It reminded me the way he disrepected me and treated me awful when we were dating. I should've done this a long time ago, but finally, today it felt like there's nothing more he can offer me and nothing left to talk about....its literally as over as it can be. It still hurts, if I recall how crazy we used to be about each other and how we ended up in such a horrible place. But that's life I guess. I feel oddly hollow and empty now....sort of numb. Maybe that's normal. Not sure if I'll ever feel perfectly happy until I meet someone else I like...which is going to be a while if ever. Thanks for all your support everyone. It meant a lot!