Dont know what to do...

[iloveyouforever]

get ready for the long story.. me and my ex boyfriend dated for two years. he was my first love and I was his. well things didnt work out.. we went 8 months without speaking or being nice to each other... finally later we started hanging out and we were getting close again. I thought maybe he was just wanting to be friends (cause he never shows feelings) , i knew i still had feelings for him so we stopped hanging out and i met this other guy. he was nice and sweet someone i felt like i could actually be with. Who is my boyfriend now. When me and my boyfriend starting hanging out my ex tried to get me back he actually cried and said he made a mistake if i would just try it again.. and all i could ask him is why after 8 months is he just now doing this? So i turned him down and im with my boyfriend and weve been dating for a year now and around our 8th month anniversery everything changed. he expects me to do everything, he still aint gotta job and hes got a little boy with another girl and everything he says hes going to do he doesnt... but im not the kind of person to just give up... I want things to work out but I've been thinking alot of my ex and weve talked and both of us realized that our relationship failed because of eachother. we've coulda fixed things, and compromised but we didn't. I'm not expecting someone to answer about my situation...all I really want to know is how can you tell if someone is the one for you?

[Meskazc]

Ok, so you're thinking about your ex more than ever now..after the 8th month when everything started to kind of go down hill with your current boyfriend. THAT should tell you that you are unhappy with this current guy (who seems like a dead-beat, no offense). Girls (myself included) always have this habit of wanting to fix our partners, we want to change them- well unfortunately the only thing that will change someone is their own will to do so. You should reevaluate your current relationship with this man who already has children and who doesn't keep his promises. Also, it seems like you might be trying to fall back on your ex, I think you'd be happier if you just found someone new entirely. It's hard, but often times it is the best move that people have ever made! But if you really believe that your ex changed and realized what a good girl he lost, then maybe you should date him casually for awhile. I feel that your current boyfriend is not good for you.

As for "the one", if you have to actually reasonably question if someone is it or not, then they are most likely not. When you meet "the one" you will know and you will not have any doubts about it (of course, within reason). The one should be the guy who sweeps you off your feet, who takes care of you, who keeps his promises and who wont treat you like crap. You will know when you meet the one, I know that's vague and cliche but it's true.

Hope this helps.

[iloveyouforever]

that was very helpful. and your right it does seem like that. I work two jobs and it's like he's not even greatful. My ex wasnt really bad to me but I was thinking maybe we were just immature and now were coming out of college and ready to settle down.. I want to just be single for a while but I just dont know what to do about the boy im with he says he wants to propose to me and marry me but whats the point if im not happy and you have to have a job before you even think about that crap.. and he says things will get better when he gets a job but im not sure how well that would go. but I thinking it is best to focus on my career for now and see where things lead.. I just dont know how to do it cause my boyfriend relies on me for almost everything.

and I thought he was the one at first... but things change and I knew that you wouldn't doubt it but I tend to over worry that Im going to make a wrong decision.

[Meskazc]

Your boyfriend is a big boy, he shouldn't be relying on his girlfriend for everything especially if he has kids. He is not right for you, and you shouldn't jeopardize your happiness just because you know that he relies on you. Take care of yourself. You already seem to know the correct answer to your problem, it's just having the courage to set these things in motion. You don't need this guy and his false promises. I also highly highly highly doubt that anything will change after he gets a job- that's just another one of his promises (I've been in a similar situation with someone who gives false promises, so I'm speaking with experience).

Like I said about "the one", don't be so hard on yourself and your relationships with finding him. If you meet someone and quickly assign the title of "the one" to him, then chances are you're going to be let down because the majority of our relationships are failures. After you've met someone who treats you the way you SHOULD be treated, and after you've been together for awhile and seen his true character then and only then should you entertain thoughts about him being the one.

best of luck and stay strong!