worried about gf's trip home!! pls help...

[Alliance]

My Gf of over one year recently went back to her home state (Michigan) to visit extended family and friends for 2 months.

Her flight left 2 days ago, and no phone call from her. She told me she'll call me when she's over there. her flight should have arrived long ago, and I understand she may be exhausted. still, it's been 2 days... nothing.
a little "arrived safely" would have been nice.
the last time we talked was when she boarded the plane, she said goodbye and take care. it's fairly devoid of any emotion.

before she left, she told me she'll be using a michigan cell. her current phone she left here. As such, I have no way of contacting her ... until she calls me. I'm missing her terribly, and I can't bring myself to believe that she can't get a hold of a phone to call me... any phone.

My reasons to worry are:

1) and her mom and little sister are still in town. I can bet she called them already. It just really irks me I'm not on a priority list here. Maybe she's forgotten I exist.

2) the cold nature in which she left, compared to last year. Even when we spoke at the airport, she was rather cold. not one I miss you, honey, etc.. A far cry from a year ago (she visits home every year).

any suggestions?

[Meskazc]

I mean, I don't want to cause you any extra worry..but I would be pretty darn worried if this were me.

The fact that it's been 2 days since she's gotten off of the plane and hasn't called or texted you is quite ridiculous. The fact that she conveniently left her phone home is also rather off-putting. Lastly, the fact that you noticed that she was cold to you on the day that she left is irksome.

I hate to break it to you, but it seems like she may be performing a separation test on your relationship. This is usually indicative of someone who is either testing your relational strength..or her own. It's upsetting to know that she might be doing such a thing.

I highly doubt that it's a coincidence that you haven't heard from her. She must think that you're stupid if she believes that she can get away with not contacting you. If I were you when I actually got in touch with her I'd give her a good questioning. She's not treating you fairly at all by not contacting you- making you worry sick!

[Alliance]

The fact that it's been 2 days since she's gotten off of the plane and hasn't called or texted you is quite ridiculous. The fact that she conveniently left her phone home is also rather off-putting. Lastly, the fact that you noticed that she was cold to you on the day that she left is irksome.

If I were you when I actually got in touch with her I'd give her a good questioning. She's not treating you fairly at all by not contacting you- making you worry sick!

hmm, yea, I'm worried sick. some aspects of this are troubling.
she's been pretty cold turkey for about a month now (before she went home). I tried cheering her up, partially succeeded. Spent some time over at her place with her before she left, she was happy.

she usually doesnt take her cell with her, last year she used a local number as well, and I remember it took her 2 days to get hold of a phone as well to call me.

what should I do?

[Meskazc]

Well, she might be hiding something that she's going through. She might be dealing with something painful that she is not ready to talk about which could be causing her to seem cold.

The situation is troubling but you never know what is going on.

The only thing that you can do is have a conversation with her about it. Tell her that you've been troubled (nicely) and tell her in detail what troubles you. There is nothing like being honest when you feel hurt by your partner. If she refuses to give a good reason as to why it takes her so llong to contact you and why she's been cold then respect that, don't go digging or you might cause an even bigger issue. Maybe that is just how she is, and you might just have to accept that as part of her character. But like I said, you should really ask her what is going on, but firm but be nice and respectful.

For right now, don't worry too much (easier said than done, I know) she IS going to contact you eventually. Just look forward to finding out what causes her to be this way, and look forward to how much your relationship will grow from having the conversation with her.

[smackie9]

Ignore it till she calls you. When she does ask her what's up.....If you are desperate then call her mom. I feel she's trying to distance herself, maybe doing some soul searching.

[Alliance]

Well, she might be hiding something that she's going through. She might be dealing with something painful that she is not ready to talk about which could be causing her to seem cold.
For right now, don't worry too much (easier said than done, I know) she IS going to contact you eventually. Just look forward to finding out what causes her to be this way, and look forward to how much your relationship will grow from having the conversation with her.

lol, yea
I get that feeling too. Something is being hidden. I've often ignored it, and didn't ask.
I had a month to discuss these issues while she was here (before she went home), but I didn't. I thought it was transient and her would warm up with time. It hasn't. And now, she's back home.
Asking could lead to a decisive answer, but I've chosen the long, drawn out route. and hope things will improve. Right now, it just looks, longer and even more drawn out.

Ignore it till she calls you. When she does ask her what's up.....If you are desperate then call her mom. I feel she's trying to distance herself, maybe doing some soul searching.

yea, I will call her mom if it really comes to it. It's something I'd rather not do though. I have a long memory and I almost never forgive anyone, having to do that would shatter my faith in her.


Since she's not here, I figure we can't really have a good talk. It also seems to be a bad time to do anything rash/too fast. My emotions are going crazy though, and I don't know how much more I can take. Just gotta be a little more optimistic?

[Meskazc]

Yes, definitely try to be more optimistic, this way you don't drive yourself insane- and you're right you should wait until you see her next time to talk. Despite the reason for her actions, she is still treating you unfairly by not keeping you in the loop.

Next time she is home, you must address the issue because you have seen that she is not just going to warm up to you on her own. Heck, maybe if you ask her what's going on she might even be more open to you. You never know.

[Alliance]

Yes, definitely try to be more optimistic, this way you don't drive yourself insane- and you're right you should wait until you see her next time to talk. Despite the reason for her actions, she is still treating you unfairly by not keeping you in the loop.

Next time she is home, you must address the issue because you have seen that she is not just going to warm up to you on her own. Heck, maybe if you ask her what's going on she might even be more open to you. You never know.

Thanks. I plan to instant message her... if I don't hear from her soon (next couple days). something like " everything ok? how come you haven't called?" or is that too belligerent? ... or should I do something softer first?

I'm pretty pissed. ready to go to war (regardless of where she is) if I don't hear from her in 1 week.

[smackie9]

Man if you don't hear from her in a week that's a message loud and clear.....it's over.

[MerryH]

something like " everything ok? how come you haven't called?" or is that too belligerent? ... or should I do something softer first?

I don't think there's anything wrong with asking her that. Eh, maybe "WHY HAVEN'T YOU CALLED ME" could be taken the wrong way, so maybe just say, "Hey, I haven't heard from you and I miss you. Just wanted to make sure you got in okay and are settled. Hope to hear from you soon."

And sorry to bring this up, but you're only worried about her wanting to break up with you. Why aren't you worried about her safety or...stuff...like that?

[Alliance]

I don't think there's anything wrong with asking her that. Eh, maybe "WHY HAVEN'T YOU CALLED ME" could be taken the wrong way, so maybe just say, "Hey, I haven't heard from you and I miss you. Just wanted to make sure you got in okay and are settled. Hope to hear from you soon."

And sorry to bring this up, but you're only worried about her wanting to break up with you. Why aren't you worried about her safety or...stuff...like that?

Thanks! Yea I'm gonna try something softer.

I'm glad you asked. I am worried about her safety, but this is killing me...
It's the couple months BEFORE her trip, while she was still here, she's gotten progressively colder. no sweeties, dears, anything in texts. acts bored on the phone. spaces out when we're in the car. always texting and frequently in a world of her own on our dates.
I was terrified she had stop liking me. I was too scared to ask her what was wrong (I may hear soemthing I don't wanna), so I didnt ask. Things have held because I took action, without ever getting mad or interrogating her. Instead, I initiated calls, dates and texts. Asked her how she was everyday, took care of her. Gave gifts and took her to her favorite places to cheer her up, without really getting anything in return. I'm lucky if I get a kiss.

Now thats shes flown home and using a different number, things are decidedly more out of my control. I cannot initiate dates, calls or texts or the frequency between them. It's a feeling of helplessness really. And the 2 day gap is a massacre. I don't know how many more days must I endure until she plans to give me her new number.

[SelflessnHumble]

My Gf of over one year recently went back to her home state (Michigan) to visit extended family and friends for 2 months...Her flight left 2 days ago

Well, look I'm going to give you some real advice based on real world experience...
A flight from anywhere within the Continental U.S. to Michigan (at the most) is several hours, not a couple of day.
This is a huge red flag...make no mistake.


Consider the obvious:

no phone call from her.
She told me she'll call me when she's over there.
She said goodbye and take care
She told me she'll be using a michigan cell. her current phone she left here

What this tells me:
She doesn't care
She doesn't care
She doesn't care
She doesn't want YOU bothering HER while she is over there so she leaves her cell (and you allowed her to do this)

A woman in a healthy 1 year relationship does not leave and say "good bye, take care."
This is what I tell strangers I meet off of the street in casual day to day snippet small talk conversations.
She told you what she did because: She's been living a lie and slipped up for a moment.

A loving girlfriend who is about to leave her 1 year relationship with her BF hugs and kisses you and tells
how she will miss you so much and that she loves you very much...Heck my GF does this when I just walk out the
door to leave and get some groceries! This ^^^ her behavior doesn't add up.

Are you telling us the truth about your relationship?
Did you argue, what was said? I don't get it.

1) and her mom and little sister are still in town. I can bet she called them already. It just really irks me I'm not on a priority list here. Maybe she's forgotten I exist.

2) the cold nature in which she left, compared to last year. Even when we spoke at the airport, she was rather cold. not one I miss you, honey, etc.. A far cry from a year ago (she visits home every year).

any suggestions?

All you have to do is talk to her mom and sister.
Don't tell them that she hasn't talked you.
Look up the weather report in Michigan (in her area)

Then based on this information talk to the mom and sister (or just the mom) and say:

"Hey, did (insert GF name) tell you about the crazy weather their having up in Michigan?
I mean wow, they had like 3 feet of snow (or whatever it is) and then say "it sounds like she's having a good time!"

Pay careful careful attention to their faces and their reactions.
They may know something you don't and will attempt to conceal it. (women aren't good liars when caught off guard)

They may not know anything and but confirm what you had said...
They may not have heard from her so be prepared for that...

One last thing:
IF she has a Michigan cell...
Why did she NOT give you the number: Red flag #1,234,340,399

This: is what to do:
DUMP her, and prepare yourself for all of the excuses known to mankind why she didn't do X or why she did Y...
She will disregard your query (which also means disregarding your feelings and invalidating them) because as I had said
earlier: SHE DOES NOT CARE ABOUT YOU.

Get over her in these 2 months bro and find someone better.
It's New Years Eve, make the resolution and follow through with it.

Don't play the fool.
There is no honest mistake in the world that would prevent her from not calling you.
There are pay phones, she could get creative and use the house line, neighbor's line or
even a business line OR buy a phone card. OR she could email you, send you a text...

Heck, man...at the very least she could have wrote and sent you a letter even IF all the phone lines were down

She has made ZERO effort because:
SHE DOES NOT CARE ABOUT YOU.