Problem

[FortyMileTown]

I have started dating someone (it was a gradual spontaneous thing, there was no discrete point when we said 'let's do it', it just sort of happened), knowing that this guy we know also fancies her. I didn't tell him straight away, and neither did she. She continued hanging out with him and letting him flirt with her physically. Whenever I heard about this I would tell her that it is wrong and that she needed to tell him that she is not interested/ she is seeing someone, but she would be reluctant. I did repeatedly tell the guy that she wasn't interested , but he just ignored me. Yesturday she told him. He then asked me (via the internet, I am currently at home and they are at university (we all go to the same uni)) if it was true, and I said yes. He then demonstrated his anger through insults etc and subtly threatened to beat me up when I got back. My analysis of the situation is as follows:

The blame is almost 50:50, but tending slightly towards her, seeing as they would hang out A LOT and she would allow him to physically flirt etc without objection. Either one of us should have told him, and I agree that I am in the wrong. He does have every right to feel anger/ played for a sucker.

What's annoying is that all the blame and anger is on me, and none is on her. He seems to think this is 100% my fault. What are your thoughts on the situation?

Thanks for reading.

[SelflessnHumble]

I have started dating someone (it was a gradual spontaneous thing, there was no discrete point when we said 'let's do it', it just sort of happened), knowing that this guy we know also fancies her.

This guy...Is it a friend, acquaintance, stranger to you, a friend to the both of you?
It sounds like he's not your best friend so I don't understand why you'd mention the fact this
*guy* you know fancies her?

I didn't tell him straight away, and neither did she.

And guess what? Unless you left out a huge chunk of the story: You didn't have to...

She continued hanging out with him and lethim flirt with her physically.

There is no such thing, she either flirted with him OR she allowed him to touch her physically (because she enjoyed it)

Whenever I heard about this I would tell her that it is wrong and that she needed to tell him that she is not interested/ she is seeing someone, but she would be reluctant. I did repeatedly tell the guy that she wasn't interested , but he just ignored me. Yesturday she told him. He then asked me (via the internet, I am currently at home and they are at university (we all go to the same uni)) if it was true, and I said yes. He then demonstrated his anger through insults etc and subtly threatened to beat me up when I got back.

Um, I'm sorry to be the one to have to tell you this...but...She is playing you man.
Nothing you have said here adds up at all!!!
What do you mean he just ignored you?
You didn't persist? You just allowed him to fondle her, then just let him walk away when you confronted him?

Backbone guy, you need some backbone and assertiveness.
He is disrespecting your relationship (even worse is that she is as well)

Of course it was wrong for her to allow another guy to touch your woman...but she didn't mind and
I suspect it's because she's either been with him previously OR she is sending him mixed signals OR she has
cheated on you with him...The thing that also could be happening is that she is playing the both of you...Not cool.

Ask yourself why someone dude would want to beat you up over you being with your GF?
Does it make ANY sense? Nope. Not even a nano-particle of sense.

What's annoying is that all the blame and anger is on me, and none is on her. He seems to think this is 100% my fault. What are your thoughts on the situation?

Both of you are equally to blame period.
Since I'm talking to you however: you know she isn't respectful towards your feelings on the subject matter.
She doesn't care about you. So, staying with a heartless and selfish/egotistical and self righteous girl like that
just causes problems and drama (like the impending ass whopping you have coming to you) because you
failed to act. Don't worry about her part in all of this: The only one you should be concerned about is YOU
and your part in all of this.

My thoughts?
Get rid of her quickly.
You talk to this dude on the internet or however you two chat and you tell him
straight up:

"A couple of things...1st off...Dude, I'm not afraid of you..."
"2nd of all, She is my girl and you disrespected my relationship with her by touching her inappropriately."

(Then ask him) "Has she kissed you?" "What happened between you two?" (He should gloat if something happened)

No matter what he says:
YOU have to man up and take responsibility for failing to let your circle of people that
She was your girl. I mean think about it ok?

How can you sit there and get jealous while he didn't know she was your girl?
She didn't tell him, and neither did you! (Make sense?)

So, now that he knows you have two choices:

-You either tell him that she is your girl and that he needs to stay away...
-OR you tell him "Had I known she got with you I would have laid off..." -and humbly apologize-
"Dude I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings..." "I didn't mean to..."'

Then tell him "you can have her...I'm done," and drop her like the scum of death that she is.

[FortyMileTown]

Ok thanks, that's given me some things to think about

[smackie9]

You are to blame in his eyes because she is the object of his affection and feels you screwed up any chance he had. But the truth of the matter is he is in the friends zone and your GF is your typical attention whore. She was willing to accept this flirtatious behaviour from him because she likes it, so that should tell you something about how she views your relationship. Don't be surprised that she finds another sucker to give her attention.