So I'll try my best to make this short, and to the point. I posted my story on here a few months ago last year. I'll just give a quick recap...
My ex broke up with me 2 months ago. I had a really hard time with that. I thought he was the problem, and it was his fault etc etc. After last night I think I truly figured out why we split up. I saw him for the first time since our break-up. I'll get to that in a minute.
I was in a realtionship before this most recent one for a year. We split in January of 2010. Him and I ended up moving into a place together in October of 2010. That was my first time away from home living in my very own place. I started to grow with him, and I thought he was going to be the one. Well needless to say, the immature person that he is, he just walked out. He didn't want the responsibility of living on his own, nor did he want a relationship. It was just awful. I suffered emotionally from that quite a bit. I didn't realize how bad that situation really was. So unfortunately, because I wasnt fully healed, I lost the recent relationship. I waited 4 months after our break-up before I started dating this most recent ex, but again, that wasn't long enough. My emotions got the best of me, and I became a different person. It took over me, and took over my life.
I'm pretty hurt by my actions in this recent relationship, but he wasn't the nicest to be either at times. I made up lies, I tried to get my way with certain things and I just couldn't be an adult about things. But now I truly figured out what the issue was, and I feel good about it. Now I know what it is, so I can work on it better. I'm in therapy, and I think thats a great first start. I'd like to make 2011 a better year.
So to get to my story I need advice on. I saw him for the first time in almost 2 months. Here is the story:
Well Its been almost 2 months since I've been broken up with my ex. During that time, I have spoken to him off and on. It wasn't all nice texts, but there were some that were civil. We spoke on Christmas, and New Years. I initatied contact both times. He was very nice about it. Nothing mean was said. It was really good to talk to him. During our conversation, I think I ruined the good mood for us. I asked him to meet me for coffee. I think he was uncomfortable with doing that. I unfortunately was a bit too persistant for his liking, so I did upset him by acting that way. At the time, I didn't think it was so wrong. We haven't talked since I reached out to him on New Years Eve. And again, on that same day, I asked to meet for coffee. I think I blew it at that point. I became upset, and so did he. He said it wasn't a good day to meet, and he didn't feel up to it. I should have left it alone then, but I didn't. I was a bit pushy. So after that, he advised me to not contact him anymore, and that it was over, and we would never be friends. So ok fine. I blew it by asking. I didn't say anything to him after I responded to that text. I thought I would NEVER hear from him again.
So I'd say an hour passed, and I recieved an text message. I look to see who it is, and it was my ex. The message just contained the word "Do" so I responded back with "Excuse Me?" and he responded with " I'm sorry, I butt cheek texted you" I thought about that for a few minutes, and found that to be very odd. First off, he ALWAYS clipped his phone to his side pocket, and he has an iphone. He ALWAYS locked it. I didn't think that was possible to "accidentally" text someone. So I figured he did it on purpose. So after he apologized for "butt texting" me, I erased the message, didn't respond back, and put my phone down. About 5 minutes later, he texted me againg! and said: "OK Tricia23, If you really want to see me, I'll let it happen. I'm at home and you can come here" I was shocked. So I accepted. I got to his house about 30 mins later, and I stayed for a few hours. We talked about how our lives were, and what we were doing at the moment, work, etc etc. We then touched base about my persistance on wanting to see him, and some of the reasons our relationship failed.
It was hard to talk about those things with him. He did apologize for bringing them up, but its obvious, it was going to be brought up anyways. So again we talked. I did end up crying and apologizing to him for all the pain/problems/ etc I caused him. He appreciated my apology, and embraced me with several hugs as the tears ran down my face. He sat there and hugged me still. It was nice. I was in his arms again, and I liked it. So we ended up cuddling with each other. Again it was very nice to be there with him. Afterwards, we started a serious talk again. During our first conversation, before the cuddling, I did advice him that I was in therapy to better myself. He was proud of that accomplishment for me. It was nice of him to show his concern for that matter.
So in conclusion, he said the following: I can't be so persistant with him. He's open to communicating, but not daily, weekly etc. He said if I needed anything, he'd be there if he could. He also said that I needed to work on fixing all of the problems I had during our relationship, which I KNOW caused the relationship to fail. My emotional side took over me, and ruined "us". I truly realized how awful of a person I was being.
I explained again, that I was getting help to better ME. I responded to all that he had asked, and apologized for all of my wrong doings. He knew I was serious about that. We touched base on several other subjects, but nothing worth bringing up. I know this means nothing for us, but I can't help but be glad. Glad I got to see him, and glad we embraced in affection. I needed that from him. It may or may not have been wrong. But seeing him, really made me realize the things I truly needed to fix.
And lastly, he did say I needed to respect him, buy letting him go on with his life, and not texting him as much. He also did say he was going to be more open-minded with me. He said it was completely and 100% over. But he did say anything could happen in the future, and he's open to whatever happens. If anything did EVER happen, I would have to be completely different, and that I know.
I do have a diffferent sense of feeling right now. I'm happy in a way, but also confused too. I do care alot about him. He's just very emotionally scared from the awful behavior. I don't blame him. I've been pretty hurt too myself, about how everything happened. If we ever do cross paths again, I'd really like to show him I'm a changed person once and for all. I am getting the help for ME. Not for him. I know I need to fix things, and I will. I just want to let go of that terrible past, and make the future nothing but bright and happy no matter where it takes me.....
Advice would be appreciated!